


BadLands

by ManuKaikan



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Lexa & Raven Reyes Friendship, Lexa is of age, Lexa with other people at first, Minor Lexa/Raven Reyes, Really really slow burn, Slow Burn, Student!Lexa, Teacher!Clarke, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-01-05 09:39:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12187530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManuKaikan/pseuds/ManuKaikan
Summary: Being Alexandria Woods was not easy and popularity was beginning to be uncomfortable, especially because every single person in her life wanted only perfection from her. So yes, being Alexandria Woods was not easy and having a crush for her teacher it was not certainly the right way to finish high school. She knew that was wrong and she should be ashamed but she did not care.Everyone was expecting perfection from her: school grades, the swimming team, at home and with her friends. All that pressure gave her permission to have a crush on Miss Griffin.OrThe one where Clarke is the teacher and Lexa her student.





	1. Castle

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I feel obliged to put the notes at the beginning.  
> I came back after I took a little break: between work and other things I was really busy but I wrote a lot! I just wanted to explain that these will be a series of one-shots, each connected to each other and and each one shot has the title of the tracks of Helsey's cd: BadLands.  
> So, I suggest you to listen the songs while you reading. Each title is clearly referred to the song in question.
> 
> Now, enjoy!

**Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise**   
**Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised**   
**Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it**   
**Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it**

**Castle**

 

Alexandria Woods had everything.

She was captain of the school swimming team

Her grades were excellent.

She had loyal friends.

And a father who loved her with all his heart.

But despite this, every time she crossed the door of the Polis High School, she could feel a sense of emptiness inside, as if she was missing something, as if her life was not complete. As she crossed the hall, she clearly felt all the glances on her, along with the weight on her shoulders that her name and her position behaved.

She kept walking, greeting with a nod and a smile some of her teammates, before stopping in front of the locker to open it and grab the books she needed for her first lesson. As she checked to have everything, Lexa clearly noticed all the eyes on her and she barley held back a sigh before closing the looker.

The popularity was starting to be tight, especially after three years during which every single person had only expected perfection from her. The only thing that made her go ahead and gave her some hope was the thought that the holidays were very close and that the last year would go fast, leading her finally to college.

“Woods!”

She turned just in time to see someone jump into her arms and they almost fell in the middle of the hall. Lexa dropped the books she had in her hands as she grabbed the girl’s buttocks to support her. The girl instinctively tied her legs around her waist and Lexa blushed when her fingers came in contact with the naked skin and she was not surprised to see the happy smile printed on her best friend's lips.

“Raven...” she sighed without words.

The skirt she was wearing was enough to cover... well, to be honest, it wasn't enough to cover anything and Lexa was sure Raven had just shown everything.

“I called you all weekend, where the hell were you?” she said, scratching her neck and smiling.

“Raven... are you wearing your underwear?” Lexa whispered, as her ears became redder.

“Let your hands slide down and find out for yourself...” she whispered amused, when she saw her friend's eyes wide open, she chuckled and decided to let her alone. “Yes, Lexa, I'm wearing my underwear... more or less.” she added. After kissing her cheek she slipped out of her arms and settled down her skirt.

“"More or less?” she asked confused. “No, I do not want to know.”

Raven waited for Lexa to pick up the books before she passed an arm around her waist, starting to walk down the hall toward the first lesson of the day.

“You did not answer me.” she pointed out.”"Where the hell were you? I've been trying to call you for all weekend.”

Lexa sighed. “I had my usual father-daughter weekend, we went to climb a mountain.”

Raven turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow. “To climb a mountain?” when the other nodded, she could not help but laugh. “Only your father could take you to climb a mountain to spend some quality time with you!”

Lexa rolled her eyes but a small smile rose over her lips; she knew Raven was not laughing in order to make fun of her but because the absurdity of the situation was obvious in everyone's eyes. Her farther Roan was a man with a big heart and after her mother’s death he had tried very hard to be a constant presence in her life. It was not easy, not with the restaurant that for generations belonged to the Woods family which took him away from home for long hours but nevertheless he did his best to be the father she needed.

Lexa loved him, she would have lied if she had said the opposite, but Roan had grown up in a strict family and he was very dedicated to the rules and this had always prevented Lexa from being completely honest with him. She was hiding a secret that only Raven knew and this was killing her slowly but she was forced to hold it inside of her because she was too afraid to see how her father would react.

“How was your weekend?” she asked to Raven, trying to drive away those thoughts.

“Nothing new.” she replied, shrugging. “I went to a party, I didn't want to go and Bellamy pretty much dragged me there.” she. “This is why I tried to call you, I would have preferred to spend two days with you in your bed.”

Lexa could not hold the blushing, she knew very well what Raven meant with those words, she intended: spending two days to make her moan her name, while her fingers and her tongue made her crazy.

“I'm sorry.” Lexa said, her cheeks still a bit flushed.

“It doesn't matter, Lex, we have all summer to do it.” Raven murmured in her ear, smiling as she saw her shiver.

Even though they were not a couple, Raven had always had the same devastating effect on her.  
Alexandria Woods, a great athlete, with a hard look and royal pose, melted of embarrassed when her best friend whispered in her ear those things. Sex was not a taboo for her at all. Since she and Raven had started exploring their sexuality they had tried a lot of things that Lexa would never described as words outside the bedroom.

It was her character and the way her father had raised her that made it difficult to speak openly about those things. She had no problem of letting herself go behind closed door; Raven had told her more than once she was a marvelous, passionate and attentive lover if only they knew what she and Raven used to do in the privacy of her home.

“Okay, this is your stop.” Raven's voice ripped her off her thoughts again. “Are you sure you're okay, Lexa?” she asked worriedly. “You don't look very well.”

“I'm just tired.” she reassured her, scratching the back of her head. “It was an intense weekend and I did not rest very well.”

Raven came up to her, adjusted her shirt and Lexa could clearly see the mischievous light in her black eyes. She found herself swallowing even before Raven spoke and Lexa gave a worried look down the hall: some of the students were staring at her but, considering their close friendship, this behavior was not strange.

“Why don’t you skip practice today?” she asked with a small voice. “So you can check if I'm wearing my underwear or not...”

“I c-can't.” she replied embarrassed. “We're almost at the end of the school season and if I dare to skip practice the coach will have my head.” When Lexa saw the little pout on Raven's lips proceeded to add: “But you can come to my house after, my dad won’t come back before midnight. We order Chinese and...”

“And you can finally fill your curiosity about my underwear.” Raven murmured, fiddling with the first button of her shirt. “Okay, you've convinced me champion.”

When the bell rang Raven stepped back to let her go, giggling, noticing her red cheeks.

“I will see you at lunch, Rav.” she greeted her and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

When she stepped away, she felt Raven's warm breath on her ear and she shivered, feeling her own body waking up thanks to the smell of her skin and the sensation of those sensual lips so close.

“I give you a little hint: it’s the black and red one like the ones that you love so much.” Raven whispered before letting her go.

Lexa stared at her wide as her mind brought back to the surface all the times she had taken away, in various ways and situations, that wonderful underwear and a small groan escaped from her lips.

How would she be able to follow all the lessons in that state?

 

//

The hours passed quickly and lunch time came before she realized it. Lexa was sitting in one of the empty tables at the bottom of the cafeteria and she had started to do her homework for the following week.

She was reading the passage of her history book again, when she heard someone approach and she did not bother to look up, assuming it was Raven. When, however, the person slid the lunch tray on the table Lexa understood that it had to be someone else, since her friend did not touch that food even under torture.

“You're always so focused when you work.”

Bellamy Blake's voice startled her from her own thoughts and Lexa looked up, clenched with his sweet smile and his dark eyes.

“Sorry, I did not want to bother you.” he apologized a little embarrassed.

“It's okay.” she said.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” he asked.

“No, be my guest.”

“I won’t say a word, so I won’t disturb your work.”

Lexa did not answer and only looked back at her book, after ten minutes in which Bellamy's eyes did not stop to look at her, Lexa surrendered. Everyone was aware of the crush that the boy had for her and how, even though she had never encouraged him, he kept looking for her. Bellamy was a good boy, he had always treated her well and he never imposed himself in any way, but more than once Lexa had felt stifled by his attentions.

Raven had advised her more than once to tell the boy the truth but Lexa had the fear of what his reaction might be. Bellamy was the quarterback of the football team and as such was very popular. Lexa could not know what he could do if she confessed she was gay. So, at the end, she closed the book and her notebook putting them in the bag and decided it was better to eat something before the lunch break ended and perhaps to find an excuse to escape that insistent look that was making her uncomfortable.

Fortunately, Raven appeared a few seconds later, attracting many looks. From that perspective, Lexa could clearly see how short her skirt was and she hoped it was not a lie that she was actually wearing her underwear. Raven walked into the cafeteria as she owned it and Lexa felt a certain pride in knowing she was the only person to enjoy her company. Lexa knew how many boys died of the desire to jump under Raven's skirt, but her friend was very selective and in the last few years Lexa was the only person to have the privilege of sleeping with her.

“They seem like they’ve never seen a girl wearing a skirt before.” she said before sitting on the chair. “Hey, Bell.”

“Well, Raven let me tell you, it's a very short skirt.” Lexa pointed out to her, opening her lunch. “And I don't even think it's a proper clothing to wear at school.” she added.

Bellamy chuckled at those words, finding the prudish side of Lexa tremendously cute, while Raven stared at her as if she were an alien.

“You have to admit, Reyes, it is a very short skirt.” the boy pointed out. “I've heard many guys wagering on the color of your lingerie.”

Raven stared amused, then leaned forward to steal a chip from his plate, before putting it in her mouth. “They will die with this doubt.” she said.

Bellamy shook his head and observed Lexa blush when Raven bent to whisper something in her ear. The rest of the lunch went quite smoothly before Lexa got up, quickly picked up all of her stuff and stuffed them in her bag.

“I have to go to the library before the lessons begin.” she announced. “See you around, Bellamy.” she greeted him with a small smile, before looking at her friend.

Raven took a second to follow her example but, unlike Lexa, she did not feel obliged to give any explanations. She merely greeted Bellamy with a nod and followed Lexa, who was not really heading to the library.

 

//

Lexa was sure that sooner or later someone would understand.

Especially when she was not able to control the way she kept staring at her teacher and even if she had tried very hard, she was almost sure that the woman had noticed how she was staring at her.

How couldn’t she?

Lexa was just staring at her, hanging from her lips. She knew she should have stopped, but at the same time, she was unable, especially when the woman was wearing her wonderful outfit. When Miss Griffin made her entrance that afternoon, the only thing that Lexa could see was her legs: beautiful legs left uncovered by the skirt that stopped just above her knees.

After that Lexa's eyes were focused now on the crumpled white blouse, on the big breast and on the blue lace bra that she could see thanks to the first buttons which were left undone. Then Lexa's eyes were focused on the perfect neck, so perfect that several times in recent months she had dreamed of arched for her as she passed her tongue all over the skin. After that her eyes were on the mouth forcing Lexa's look on the mole just above Miss Griffin's lip.

And her eyes... Lexa had never seen eyes so beautifully blue and able to chain with a single glance.

The teacher took the place, verifying that everyone was present, then began to distribute the tests they had taken a few days before. Lexa followed her as a moth follows the light, observing her tight hips in her skirt, biting her lower lip in an attempt to control her reactions.

"You did a great job as always, Lexa."

If Lexa had managed to control her heartbeat until then, when the woman's voice, hoarse and kind, reached the ears, she could not stop to feel it beat in her throat from emotion. Before she could answer, Miss Griffin started walking again and Lexa smiled seeing the big red A on her paper. When the tests were delivered to everyone, Miss Griffin returned to her chair and finally began her lesson. Lexa took notes and found herself, as it always happened, enchanted to look at the woman.

It was embarrassing and wrong, especially because Miss Griffin was Bellamy Blake’s stepmother, the guy who had a crush on her from the first year of high school. It was so damn wrong and Lexa should have been deeply ashamed but she did not care.

Everyone was expecting perfection from her: in school grades, within the team, at home and with friends. They wanted the perfect queen to be crowned but the only thing she wanted was to be able to reign.

To reign alongside Clarke Griffin.


	2. Hold me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lexa can't stop thinking about Miss Griffin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always English is not my first language, if you find some mistakes feel free to tell me and I will fix them :)

_**Hold me down, hold me down** _   
_**Throw me in the deep end, watch me drown** _   
_**Knock me out, knock me out** _   
_**Saying that I want more, this is what I live for** _   
  
  
**Hold me down**

 

She closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip and tightening the girl's dark hair with strength in an attempt to bring her closer to her sex. That warm and talented tongue passed through her folds, stopping on the clit, while two fingers made their way into her.  
  
“So tight.”" Raven whispered in a loud voice, beginning to move.  
  
Lexa tried to enjoy those attentions but every time she tried to let go, her father's words came back to her mind, waving her thoughts in one direction.  
  
“ _I have a date with Miss Griffin.”  
  
_ “Fuck...”  
  
That exclamation made Raven's efforts intensify.  
  
She swallowed, unable to think of how her dad looked elegant when he left home that night. Lexa had felt terribly guilty when she was not able to share his joy but she could not be happy for him. She should not think of her teacher in those terms, but the idea that her father had succeeded in something she could never pursue broke her heart.  
  
Since her mother had died, her father had never looked for the company of another woman and Lexa had always suspected that it was because of her. It was obvious that the only person to have drawn her father's attention was the woman she had a crush on. It was not enough that this woman was her teacher.   
  
  
//  
  
  
 _The restaurant was not full at that time and Lexa_ _found_ _sitting_ _in a corner of the room and finish_ _ing_ _her schoolwork_ _liberating_ _. She had never been interested in taking the reins of the family business but her father had always felt_ _that_ _it was appropriate to learn how to relate to people so she started spending a couple of evenings a week_ _waiting_ _table_ _s_ _.  
  
_ _What_ _seemed_ _an ordinary day had turned into something unexpected when Miss Griffin had entered into the restaurant. Lexa had looked at her as hypnotized, forgetting the homework and apparently the entire world around her. When she collided with_ _M_ _iss Griffin's smile. When the restaurant had begun to fill she had been forced to put away all of her things and to start her shift._ _She had tried to avoid the woman's table as if it were made of fire, but her father had recognized_ _her_ _and had pushed_ _Lexa_ _to serve her, to show her how she was responsible even outside the school environment.  
  
_ _Bad idea.  
  
_ “ _Lexa, I did not know you were working here.” that was the first thing the woman said to her.  
  
_ “ _I help my father from time to time.” Lexa answer, scratching the back of her head a little bit embarrassed. “And I did not know you came here often.”  
  
_ _Miss Griffin smiled sweetly. “This is my regular appointment on Friday.” she replied. “A friend came to see me and I felt obliged to take her to the best restaurant in the neighborhood.”  
  
_ _Lexa could not stop blushing at those words and in the end, to prevent the embarrassment from taking over, she cleared her throat taking the pad and the pen.  
  
_ “ _Are you ready to order?”  
  
_ “ _Are we ready to order?” Clarke asked the person next to her.  
  
_ _It was_ _in_ _that moment that Lexa realized how beautiful that woman was and how she looked_ _at_ _Miss Griffin, as if she were the only thing in the room. Lexa swallowed again and printed on her face the most natural smile she could produce, taking their orders before moving away._ _The rest of the evening passed fairly quickly; the room had filled up and Lexa had been running from side to side, too busy to pay attention to the two women. This did not stop her from throwing glances_ _at_ _them, intoxicated by the way Miss Griffin looked happy and relaxed.  
  
_ _The woman always had a smile on her lips during the lessons but Lexa had the impression that there was something behind that facade._ _S_ _he had_ _often_ _seen the woman sitting alone in the classroom, her gaze fixed on the wall with sad eyes and Lexa was unable to stop asking herself what secret was hiding inside of_ _her_ _. In that moment with her friend, she seemed relaxed of any concern and Lexa found her, if possible, even more beautiful.  
  
_ _It was when the end of the evening came and Miss Griffin and her friend got up to pay that Lexa saw something that left her almost breathless: her father_ _smiled_ _charmingly at the two women and offered them something to drink._ _At the sight of that, her stomach tightened, especially when Miss Griffin smiled mischievously and Roan stroked her arm sensually. Suddenly the woman's words came to her mind: “This is my regular appointment on Friday.” that meant that she and Roan were seeing each other every week; that clearly explained their familiarity.  
  
_ _When Miss Griffin laughed_ _shaking_ _her head and her father directed her the charming smile that Lexa had seen him give only to her mother, she realized that it was time to find shelter in the_ _kitchen_ _. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate her attention on the rest of the work she had to do, so that she could go home and rest. When the light of the Grounders Restaurant went off at the end of that long day, Lexa slowly walked to her father's car and settled into the passenger seat. Roan drove through the dark streets of the city in perfect silence but Lexa clearly saw the smile that rippled his lips.  
  
_  
//  
  
  
It took a couple of days before Roan told her the reason for that smile and Lexa had never felt so vulnerable and exposed as when those words had come out of his mouth.  
  
“ _I have a date with Miss Griffin.”  
  
_ Lexa bit her bottom lip and stopped Raven's movements, giving her a caress on the head. The girl turned away from her sex looking at her confused.  
  
“Is everything okay?” she asked, crawling over Lexa’s body and leaning her forehead against hers.  
  
Lexa nodded, the knot she had felt on her stomach was getting bigger and bigger. She and Raven knew each other forever, it was almost impossible that the girl did not understand that there was something wrong.  
  
“The exams and training are killing me.” she finally said with a small smile. “Not to mention the shifts in the restaurant.” Raven began to stroke her hips as she kissed her jaw and then headed toward her neck. “I'm just exhausted, I'm sorry.” she apologized.  
  
“Don't talk nonsense.” Raven whispered. “But maybe it's better if I go home and let you rest.”  
  
Lexa shook her head and with a stroke of hips she turn their positions, closing Raven's mouth with hers. Just because she could not get out of her mind the thought of her father and Miss Griffin, she did not want Raven to be unsatisfied. She kissed her neck, biting the skin, pulling it with her teeth, smiling when Raven let out a shaky moan. The girl's fingers sank into her hair as Lexa's mouth closed on her right nipple.  
  
“Bite it...” she whispered and when Lexa did it, Raven arched her back. _“Harder...”  
  
_ Lexa chuckled and did as commanded, while the hand was moving between her thighs, finding her wet sex. “So wet...” she murmured over the nipple, using the same tone Raven had used when her fingers slipped inside of her.  
  
“Lexa... please.” Raven gasped. “I want you inside.” she growled pushing the hips forward.  
  
Lexa slipped two fingers inside as she began to devote herself to the other nipple. The movements of the hand came together with the whirling of Raven’s hips.  
  
“More...” she begged, her hand on Lexa's head to keep her in position, causing her to increase the speed, earning a small scream in exchange. “No, more fingers... another!” she cried when the girl executed the command.  
  
“I want to taste you.” Lexa complained on her breast.  
  
“Don't stop!” Raven sobbed desperately. “Don't stop, I'm so close.”  
  
Lexa did not stop. She did not stop for the next two hours.  
  
  
//  
  
  
Fresh water flowed along her heated body and Lexa sighed with relief, leaning her forehead against the tiles in front of her and closing her eyes. Raven had left half an hour ago and after changing the sheets - it had been necessary, especially since the way Raven had come so hard to wet her sheets - eating something, she got into the shower to get rid of the sweat of the past few hours.   
  
She stood still allowing the warm water to cradle her. After a few minutes she leaned over to grab the bubble bath by pouring a generous amount on the palm of the hand, before putting it back in place. It was when she began to soap her chest that fantasies began.  
  
Fantasies where  _she_ was the protagonist.  
  
Lexa bit her bottom lip as if she could almost feel the touch of Miss Griffin and her delicate fingertips brushed her collarbone. She sighed, unable to control the almost physical sensations of that vivid fantasy, especially because she knew it was impossible. She was almost certain that the woman's soft lips were pressed against her ear, ready to whisper indecent words with her husky and sensual voice, while her own hands went down her stern, between her breasts.  
  
The fingers danced sensual on the breast, while her mind, clouded by desire, turned them into Miss Griffin's fingers. Lexa could not hold back a stifled groan when her fingers touched a nipple and lost a beat when she felt the woman's white teeth cling the sensitive skin of her neck.  
  
“Tell me what you want, Lexa.  
  
Lexa was confident that the voice was not just in her head but straight in her ear, as well as that warm breath and hot body crushed against her back. “I want you...” she gasped in the silence of the bathroom.  
  
She knew she was losing her mind, especially when she felt Miss Griffin's lips on her neck, Lexa gasped when her fingers touched her clit already tense and eager for attention as she imagined the woman's warm thigh between her legs.  
  
“So wet, Miss Woods and so eager for my touch...”  
  
The voice sounded amused and Lexa groaned strongly and she leaned against the tiles to stand with her trembling legs. She closed her eyes as her mind painted the woman of her dreams.  She let out a small cry when she let two fingers slip inside of her, beginning to move at a fast pace. Lexa slammed the palm against the tiles, unable to believe the pleasure she was experiencing and it was when pleasure began to grow in her belly that the fantasy broke, just like her breath.  
  
“Miss Griffin!” she cried to the ceiling, letting the noise of the water soften her broken tone.  
  
Her orgasm was so intense that Lexa felt her legs give out and she slid down the tiles, shortness of breath and with her eyes closed, while the teacher's image slowly disappeared. Fuck, she had just touched herself and had experienced one of the best orgasms of her life, shouting her teacher’s name in a desperate prayer.  
  
However, instead of feeling dirty and inadequate, she could not help but think back to the image. Her hand, uncontrolled and not at all satisfied, made her way back to her wet sex and Lexa closed her eyes, surrendering to the evidence that she would not be able to escape from that fantasy.

Her mind pictured those blonde hair again, those blue eyes and those lips.  
  
“Oh, Miss Griffin...” she gasped, leading her fingers over her wet folds.  
  
  
//  
  
  
It had been a couple of weeks since her dad had gone out with Miss Griffin and in all that time Lexa had undertaken to arrive late to class, so that she was forced to sit in the back of the classroom to avoid the woman's gaze. When Roan had come home the evening of the date, Lexa pretended to be busy with homework and she had avoided asking any questions in the next few days. She sighed, filling the paper in front of her as the bell rang indicating the end of the classes, so she closed the book and pushed all her stuff in the bag.  
  
“Do not forget the research you need to deliver before the weekend.” Miss Griffin said with a smile as the students stood in front of the table and leaned on the paper on the stack in front of her. “Woods, can I talk to you a minute?”  
  
Lexa stopped in front of the door and turned around. “S-sure.” she murmured.  
  
When she stopped in front of the table, she felt herself scrutinized by those eyes so she swallowed trying not to let herself be taken over by the emotions. She had been good at hiding in her solitude for those two weeks, but she was sure her behavior had not gone unnoticed.  
  
“It's the fourth time in two weeks that you're late for my lesson.” the woman began. “And according to the school rules I'm forced to bring it back to the principal and get you in detention.”  
  
Lexa lowered her head guilty; she knew perfectly what the consequences of her actions would be. The idea of ending in detention was much simpler than looking at the woman’s eyes, especially after what she had done in the shower.  
  
“I don't want to do it, Lexa.” she made clear. “Your grades are excellent and you are a model student but your classmates will think that I do favoritism if I do not punish you.”  
  
“No, I un-understand.” Lexa stammered scratching the back of her head. “And if you're forced to do it then do it, it is not a problem, I know the consequences of my action.”   
  
The smile that the woman addressed her made her heart tremble, so that for a moment she felt her legs give out and she had to place one hand on the chair for support. In doing so she dropped all the papers on the floor and Lexa jerked blushing, kneeling, immediately ready to make up for her clumsiness. She found herself losing her breath when Miss Griffin's perfume reached her nose forcing Lexa to turn her head to the side, being sucked into her blue eyes. She swallowed, feeling the woman's fingers take the papers from her hands and she felt a shiver down her back when their skins came in contact.   
  
She stood completely still, watching her: so close but at the same time _so unattainable._  
  
If she leaned a few inches, she would finally be able to find out the taste of those lips. Fortunately her good sense prevailed, forcing her to move away just enough to not fall into temptation. She got up and fixed the bag on her shoulder and tried to regain her composure; she watched Miss Griffin pick up the papers and put them on the table. When she turned to look at her again, she was smiling again.  
  
“I'll give you another chance, Lexa.” she said. “But in the near future, I will be forced to report.”   
  
Lexa nodded “It won’t happen again.” she assured her. When the bell rang the beginning of the next class, Lexa ran a hand into her hair as she walked to the door with hesitant steps. “I do not want to be late for the next class, so...” she whispered softly.  
  
Miss Griffin smiled again. “Have a good day and Lexa...” the girl turned. “If something is bothering you, my door is always open.” she said.  
  
Lexa did not have to add anything else; it was clear what the teacher was suggesting. Lexa smiled and politely greeted her, crossing the door and releasing that she was holding her breath. She leaned against the wall outside the classroom and she closed her eyes, her heart thumping in her ears in almost frenetic beat preventing her from thinking coherently.  
  
The only thing she could think of was the images her brain gave her in the shower just a few weeks earlier. Or the way Miss Griffin's lips appeared inviting and so so close, or her perfume so inebriating and forbidden.  
  
At that moment she realized that she would have done anything in order to experience at least once the feeling of that body against hers. She was even ready to make a deal with the devil if that would allow her to spend one hour with Miss Griffin.  
  
She would have given anything, even her own soul and she was sure she would not regret it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to send me some prompts, write me here:   
> http://malikamanu.tumblr.com/


	3. New Americana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> Sorry for the long absence but I just moved to Australia and the last two weeks have been very busy. Now I'm finally in my new apartment, I started my new job and I can devote myself to writing again!
> 
> As usual, English is not my first language, if you find some mistake feel free to let me know!

_**We are the new Americana** _   
_**High on legal marijuana** _   
_**Raised on Biggie and Nirvana** _   
_**We are the new Americana** _   
  
  
**New Americana**

 

The following weeks had passed very fast and before Lexa realized it, she had been in her room in front of the mirror trying to get ready for the party. The summer was near and she had begun to consider the idea of going away a few days with Raven, perhaps taking advantage of the lake house that belonged to the Woods family for generations. They had not talked about it yet but Lexa had decided to introduce the subject as soon as her father had told her in which days she was free from work.   
  
She tossed another glance at her reflection and bit her lower lip, looking at the green dress she had decided to wear feeling so out of place. Raven had dragged her to the shopping center and managed, with her well-honed arts, to make her buy that dress that left her thighs on display. Lexa was not used to show her body in that way but Raven had told her, more than once, that she was too sexy to hide from the rest of the world, that everyone had the right to have a piece of her.  
  
Lexa ran her hands on the fabric considering whether to change or not; before she could consider that thought, Raven made her appearance: she was wearing a leather skirt that did not leave much to the imagination, a red top that allowed her to show off her abs and her hair was tied in a high ponytail.  
  
She was beautiful.   
  
Lexa looked at her briefly before staring back at the mirror, shaking her head in disappointment. That dress was wonderful but it was something she would never have chosen alone or she would find appropriate for a pool party. She sighed loud, running a hand through her hair considering a different type of clothing especially since the gap on the right side allowed to see all her thigh skin. Before she could pull off the shoulder straps, Raven's hand leaned over hers to make her jump.  
  
“You're beautiful.” she said with a sweet smile. “I know it's a bit out of your schemes but this dress is a bomb.” she assured her. “You're going to make everyone go crazy, boys and girls.”   
  
Lexa rolled her eyes at those words and shook her head. “I do not feel very comfortable, Rav.” she said. “It's not my style and I'm sure I'll spend the whole evening worrying not to show my backside to all the guests.”  
  
“It's a pool party, Woods.” her friend replied. “They're all gonna wear swimsuit and I assure you that they will show far more than just their ass.”  
  
Lexa did not answer, she kept staring at her reflection and she let out a small smile when Raven's arms went around her waist, allowing her to rest her back against her chest. Before she could enjoy that kind touch, Raven’s nails scratched her belly, making her shiver, while her lips were leaning against Lexa's ear, warm breath caressed the outline.  
  
“Think about how simple it will be for me to let my hand slide under your skirt to touch you without anyone noticing it.” Raven whispered as her fingers made their way under her skirt, eager and curious, touching her bare skin. “Think about how I can drag you to a dark corner, get up your dress, kneel and start to clean up all the mess I'm sure I'll find...”  
  
When Raven's fingers reached her still covered sex, Lexa could only shut her eyes and sigh with expectation. She could clearly feel the desire inside of her, just like the image Raven had just painted her.  
  
“You know how to convince a girl...” Lexa murmured, tilting her head and allowing Raven to kiss her neck.  
  
“Trust me when I tell you that you're sexy and beautiful.” she assured her. “And I am proud to know that I am the only able to touch you this way.”   
  
Lexa did not have time to answer because Raven closed her mouth with hers stopping any of her replicas and Lexa found herself surrendering at the kiss, letting the kiss to take away a bit of her concern.  
  
  
//  
  
  
Alexandria Woods was not a girl made for parties, she preferred to spend the night in front of the TV watching Netflix or reading a nice book. Unfortunately, being the captain of the swimming team forced her to attend those parties, even for a few hours, just to keep up her social status and especially to ward off any kind of rumor going around about her.  
  
Every evening almost ended in the same way: she sat in the corner of the room, a drink that she would not drink and bored staring at Raven dancing and having fun with everyone else. She sighed deeply and looked around the room, in the midst of the sweaty and cheerful teenagers, wondering why she could not be that simple. Why could not she be carefree and happy to spend an evening out with her schoolmates and alcohol ? And why not, maybe even having casual sex.  
  
But Lexa hated platitudes, she could hardly bear the weight of her popularity and if it had not been for the dream of moving as far as possible from that town, she probably would have dropped all that pressure. She was torn between her thoughts when the sofa moved, forcing her to tear off her eyes from Raven and focus on a blonde girl who had just sat down at her side. She was really beautiful, with wonderful hazel eyes and sensual mouth. Lexa gave her a small smile and the girl returned, taking the beer bottle to her lips almost as if she was inviting Lexa to focus her attention on that little gesture.  
  
A voice in her head - a voice that seemed Raven's - urged her to tell something to the girl, anything but Lexa finished her drink in one gulp, trying to stifle the impulse. Her fear that someone could discover her sexuality was really becoming a problem, especially when she was with such beautiful girls. When she finally took courage and tried to talk, Bellamy, who had just made his way into the crowd, reached her with a brilliant smile printed on his face and two glasses. Lexa appealed to all her self-control to avoid rolling her eyes and smiled accepting, reluctantly, the drink.  
  
“I saw you here all alone and I thought you might want company.” he said, justifying his gesture.  
  
Lexa smiled slightly and took a sip of the drink. “Thank you, Bellamy” she finally said.  
  
She noticed the subtle way the girl turned to looked at her and Lexa could not help but nail her eyes on hers. Lexa felt sucked into those hazel irises and a small smile painted on the stranger's lip, as if in a certain sense she had felt Lexa’s request for help.  
  
“She is not alone.” the girl said draping an arm around her shoulders. “I'm Harper.”   
  
Lexa saw Bellamy frown confused, before stretching out his hand. “Bellamy.” he said with a slightly smile. “Sorry to disturb you but I had come to ask Lexa if she wanted to dance, since she's been sitting here all night.”  
  
Before Lexa could answer, telling him one of her usual excuses, Harper did it for her, holding her and smiling at the boy. “We have not seen each other for a long time.” she said. “And Lexa had promised that we would dance as soon as she finished her drink.” she explained.  
  
Bellamy stared at both, trying to remember if he'd ever seen Harper before. He could not expose his question, Harper stood up and returned the glass.  
  
“Can I have this dance?” Harper asked, tilting her head and holding her hand.  
  
Lexa stared at her for a long moment and finally with a smile she got up, directing Bellamy shrugged, before following the girl and disappearing in the crowd.  
  
  
An hour later, Lexa found herself with her hands inside silky blonde hair, while Harper's greedy lips traveled along her neck, sucking her skin and making her shiver. After saving her from Bellamy's advent, they had reached the dance floor and along with Raven they had danced.  
  
Lexa had drunk one glass after another, laughing, relaxed, as it had not happened for a long time. There was no doubt that her next moves were because of the alcohol but it did not matter to her. Harper had turned out to be more than a welcomed company and Lexa, who from the first moment had been sure she had never seen her in school, had discovered between one touch and other that she was a college student in visit. Her cousin was the person who was hosting that party and she could not do anything except attend, especially after she had used her identity card to buy alcohol.  
  
That had helped Lexa melt even further, so she listened to the voice inside her head that was pushing her to enjoy the evening and sleep with that sexy girl who had not hidden her interested. Lexa had decided to let herself go, trying to live that evening. When Harper had dragged her upstairs and Lexa had followed her without thinking twice, finding sensual and exciting the girl's lips on her neck. When Harper kissed her again, it was completely different from what Lexa was used to.  
  
Raven was demanding, passionate and sensual. Her tongue always insinuated in the most remote recesses of her mouth. Harper's tongue caressed her instead, like a feather and she did not want more than Lexa wanted to give her.  
  
So Lexa pressed Harper tight against her chest, leaving a small sigh when Harper's hand, that was caressing her hips with sweetness, moved inside the thigh to scratch her skin. Lexa felt her head spinning and she could not figure out if it was because of the alcohol or simply because nobody beyond Raven had ever touched her in that way. Lexa bit her jaw as she lifted her hips, urging Harper to move the hand where she needed the most.   
  
“Harper...” she murmured in a prayer.  
  
  
Her body was burning and Harper's fingers began to rise slowly along her inner thigh, leaving a glowing trail that would go off in just one way. She found herself unprepared when Harper caressed her already wet sex through the underwear and the only thing she could do was open her legs, inviting her silently to touch her more intimately.  
  
“You're so beautiful.” Harper whispered. “Can I touch you?” she asked.  
  
All that Lexa could do was nod, ready to let go.  
  
  
//  
  
  
Lexa had never particularly loved Bellamy's convertible, she had always found it too glitzy but at that moment, sitting on the back of the car, her face turned to the sky, her hair moving in the wind, and Raven's arm draped over her shoulders, she could only find it wonderful. When she and Harper went back to the party, Raven immediately realized what had happened upstairs. Raven had smiled and winked at her, probably eager to drag her somewhere and have all the details but all Lexa gave her in return was a shrug of the shoulders and her red cheeks.   
  
“Do not think you can escape Woods.” Raven whispered in her ear biting her lobe. “I want to know everything.”  
  
She bit her lower lip looking at the stars that stumbled across the sky, eager to keep that little meeting only for herself. She knew that sooner or later Raven would have ripped off a confession but at that moment she wanted to revive alone the feeling of Harper's hands, mouth and body.  
  
That evening had turned out to be better than she was actually expecting and she knew that the reason was Harper. That night had given her the courage she had always missed to make the step that would allow her to live as a carefree girl. The only girl she had been with was Raven and if at the eyes of all what had happened was insignificant for Lexa meant _everything.  
  
_ She felt free for the first time since high school began and the awareness that she had only one year left to her freedom made her smile. She turned to kiss Raven's cheek, whispering: I love you.  
  
“Is everything, okay?” she asked with concern.  
  
Lexa did not answer, she just got up, arms in the air, hair moving with the car's pace and her face to the sky. She shouted in the night her freedom, while what had happened with Harper once again appeared as a color film in front of her eyes. That gesture sparked Raven's hilarity that immediately imitated her.  
  
“Raise the volume, Bell!” Lexa ordered.  
  
Bellamy leaned over to the radio and glanced at the two girls in the rearview mirror, giggling to see them so careless and happy. It was rare to see Lexa in that state, she was always so serious and laid out, indeed, if he had to be honest, he was not sure he had ever had the pleasure of meeting an Alexandria Woods in that state.  
  
 _ **We are the new Americana  
**_ _ **High on legal marijuana**_  
 _ **Raised on Biggie and Nirvana**_  
 _ **We are the new American.  
  
**_ The singer's voice accompanied them along the road and Lexa, careless of the late hour, shouted the words, laughing when Raven waved to her side.  
  
“ _ **Young James Dean, some say he looks just his father, but he could never love somebody's daughter. Football team more**_ _ **than**_ _ **just a game, so he vowed to be his husband at the alter!**_ _”  
  
_ Lexa felt free, carefree and for the first time ever as a simple teenager who was returning home after an evening of fooling around. If she closed her eyes she could still feel Harper's delicate touches and the smell of her skin: she had never felt so alive in her entire life.  
  
“ _ **We are the new Americana, high on legal marijuana, wohhh!**_ ” Lexa shouted.  
  
“ __ **Raised on Biggie and Nirvana. We are the New American!** ” Raven followed her.  
  
Bellamy stared at the rearview mirror with a funny smile on his lips and without thinking twice he decided to take the longest road to allow the two to have a worthy end of the evening. When the boy parked in front of the Woods’ House, Raven and Lexa let out a groan of disapproval, so that Bellamy thought he would go back and start wandering around the neighborhood. He paused to restart the car when he saw Raven whisper something in the girl's ear and frowned when Lexa chuckled and pulled a shoulder.  
  
“Thanks for the ride, Bell.” Raven said coming down off.  
  
Lexa shrugged his shoulder with affection and jumped off the car. “See you soon, Bellamy.” she said.  
  
She did not want to seem rude but she wanted to go home and have some peace. They would have seen each other again because they were part of the same circle of friends and the evenings during the summer were quite boring. Before the boy could say anything else, Raven draped an arm around her friend’s shoulders and narrowed, they made their way down the driveway, while Lexa was looking for the keys in her purse. Lexa took a moment to locate the lock and after several attempts she unlocked the door and crossed the threshold as quietly as possible.  
  
She and Raven walked upstairs, trying not to wake her father and when they entered her room Lexa closed the door as quietly as possible. It did not take much to take off her dress, which was served for her purpose but she could not wait to take it off, lay in bed and sleep until the next day.   
  
When the fabric sagged on the floor, Lexa kicked off her shoes, taking off her underwear and she reached the bathroom ready to wash away all the alcohol and her “meeting” with Harper. She did not find it strange that Raven joined her a few minutes later, and despite their past, the shower became nothing more than a way to wipe before slipping under the covers.  
  
When ten minutes later Lexa leaned her head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling, she realized she had not thought of Miss Griffin all night and a small smile painted on her face. It took a fraction of a second, Raven slid toward her and buried her head in her neck, giving her a tender kiss before murmuring something Lexa could not understand.  
  
It took only a few seconds before Lexa sank into oblivion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, miss Griffin in this chapter, I found appropriate to focus on Lexa and her psychology.   
> Clarke will be back in the next chapter, don't worry!
> 
> I know that many people do not like reading Lexa with others, she's almost 18 and like many teenagers, she's learning what it's like to be aware of her sexuality, plus she and Clarke have a very professional relationship at the moment. 
> 
> Trust me and everything will go all right!


	4. Drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter!  
> Things start to get interesting.   
> I just want to reassure everyone that there will be nothing between Roan and Clarke. 
> 
> Now enjoy!

_**All we do is drive** _ __**  
** _**All we do is think about the feelings that we hide** _ __**  
** _**All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign** _ __**  
** _**Sick and full of pride** _ _**  
** _ __**All we do is drive**

  **Drive**

 

Her summer vacation plans had not included sitting on her father's car looking at him talking  to Miss Griffin.  A t first Lexa  had  thought that her life was trying to be ironic and at that moment she could say she did not have fun at all, indeed, she was a little bit angry.

When Roan told her  he had invited Miss Griffin and Bellamy to spend two weeks at the lake house, Lexa had become pale at once. The idea of spending all that time with the woman had made her tremble with terror. When she tried to argue, her father had simply replied  that she should  ask Raven to join them so she could have someone to spend time with.

Clearly for Lexa, the problem was not the company but how could  she  explain that to her father?  How could  Lexa explain to him that the woman who was sitting beside him was all she could think about?  And what about the fact  her break from Miss Griffin in the past few weeks helped her almost to get  over her crush and she was sure that spending time  with  the woman would probably bring her back to the starting point?

However, Roan did not want to hear any reason and as always, Lexa had surrendered at the idea of isolating herself for all the holiday. Fortunately Raven had willingly accepted the invitation and  so Lexa was sure that  she  would help her keep the distance from Bellamy. Just the idea that the boy could stare  at her while she was wearing her swimsuit made her want to scream; indeed, to be honest she was quite sure she did not feel comfortable enough to wear one in his presence.

Probably she would have spent the next two weeks sitting in the shadow of a tree reading a book.  
  
 _That holiday would be a torture.  
  
_ She sighed and she looked at the drinks in the large refrigerator, leaning to grab a bottle of fresh water. In her mind, her coach's voice, always present and strong, reminded her the benefits of drinking water and she found herself shaking her head in amusement. Even on holiday, the woman was always present in her thoughts.  
  
“I cannot wait to get there and have a shower.” Raven murmured, dropping the chin on her shoulder.  
  
Lexa jumped at that unexpected contact and instinctively turned toward her, resting her forehead against hers and smiled at seeing her little pout. She knew how much it had required Raven to travel with Bellamy, but that was the only way to save her from three hours of complete torture. Lexa could never thank her enough, even though she was already planning the best way to do it.  
  
“We’re almost there.” she said. “Do you want something to eat or maybe something to drink to refresh yourself?”  
  
Raven pulled the bottle of water out of her hands and gave her a funny smile, forcing Lexa to shake her head and lean on to take another one. Her friend gave her a small kiss on the cheek before melting away from her hug, probably not wanting Roan, who had been away for a moment to go to the bathroom, to find them in that position. They went to the cash register and Raven did not miss the opportunity to complain about how the conversations with Bellamy were devoid and she earned another kiss from Lexa.  
  
When they came out of the shop, Lexa's eyes immediately pointed to the blonde figure who was smoking a cigarette, completely absorbed in her thoughts. Lexa froze when a hand leaned against her back, finding herself in front of Roan. She raised an eyebrow when the man held the car's keys and Roan chuckled when he saw her surprised.  
  
“You drive.” he said simply.  
  
“What? Dad, no-”  
  
Before she could say anything else, Roan slipped the keys into the back of her pocket and walked away to reach Miss Griffin, leaving her alone and totally surprised.  
  
  
  
The rest of the trip was tense enough for Lexa, she had driven a few times with her father by her side, feeling the presence and the teacher's eyes pointing on her made things much more difficult. Fortunately, they had almost arrived and after the first forty minutes in which she had done nothing but stare at the road with her back rigid, Lexa was slowly relaxing. They had even chatted, before her father raised the volume of the radio and delighted everyone with his beautiful voice. Lexa envied that talent, because she was not able to sing, that's why she was singing just in the shower.  
  
Her father, however, had an enviable gift and it was because of that that her parents met. Her mother, Livia, had fallen in love with him at first sight when she heard him sing in the club where Roan was used to play and it took all her courage and a good amount of alcohol to go to talk to him.  
  
Things were not good at first, Roan had repeatedly made clear that he did not want any serious relationship, but Livia had made her way into his heart step by step. They had been married very young and, despite Livia's parents, they were opposed to that union, the marriage had lasted long and had been happy, this before her illness had slowly killed her, leaving her husband and daughter alone.  
  
From that moment on, Roan had stopped singing except on rare occasions and despite the thought that he was doing it for Miss Griffin, Lexa had to admit that it was always a pleasure to listen to him so happy and carefree. After Livia's death, Roan had closed himself and poured all his attention on Lexa, determined to give her the life that he and his wife had always fantasized  
  
If Lexa had always thought that her father was a good singer, she changed her mind when Miss Griffin's voice reached her ears. She had to rely on all her self-control to avoid looking at her, losing sight of the road.   
  
“ _ **I'm in love with the shape of you, we push and pull like a magnet do.**_ ”   
  
Roan chuckled, turning to look at her with a raised eyebrow and Lexa saw the malicious smile on the woman's lips in the rearview mirror and found herself swallowing.  
  
“ _ **Although my heart is falling too, I'm in love with your body.**_ ” Roan replied to the music and then turned toward her. “Come on, Lexa!”  
  
Lexa shook her head and her father snorted, while in the rearview mirror blue swelled green.  
  
“ _ **And last night you were in my room and now my bed sheets smell like you.**_ ”  
  
Lexa felt a chill run down her spine but she kept her eyes on the road and she held back the relief sigh when she saw the Woods's house in the distance. Before she could stop the concert that was taking place in the car, her eyes fell again on the woman.  
  
“ _ **Every day I find something brand new, I'm in love with your body**_.” sang Miss Griffin, staring at her intently. “ _ **Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-I'm in love with your body.**_ ”  
  
She swallowed, trying to maintain her composure. Miss Griffin was just singing a song and the fact that she was staring at her in that way did not mean anything.  
  
“We're here!” Roan announced while the car was entering in the tree-lined driveway.  
  
Lexa had never loved her father so much as at that moment.  
  
//  
  
It did not take long to remove the luggages from the car and settle everyone in their room.  
  
Lexa and Raven were in a double room while the others in three single rooms. Roan had offered the master bedroom - the one with a private bathroom - to Miss Griffin, but she had refused with a small smile and Lexa trembled at the idea of being able to come across her in the corridor, maybe fresh from the shower.  
  
Lexa set her clothes in the closet with meticulous precision, while Raven was lying on the bed checking the phone, her suitcase still closed and abandoned in the corner of the room. She gave her a distracted gaze, pulling out her swimsuit and the things for the next day, grabbing some clean underwear and pajamas.  
  
“Do we have time for some _looove_?” Raven asked, letting herself fall on the big bed, looking at her with  a mischievous look.   
  
“I don't think so, I think my dad wants to take us to dinner somewhere.” said Lexa, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
  
Lexa would have given anything to be able to take a shower, eat something fresh and throw herself in bed to read a good book, even though she knew that Raven would not let her sleep much, not before she had made love to her at least three times.  
  
“So... we have time for a shower.” the girl said.  
  
Before Lexa could answer, Raven closed her mouth with hers and she grasped in surprise and could not keep her balance. A small groan escaped from her lips when the girl's hands slipped under her shirt to scratch her abs as the tongue slipped into her mouth.  
  
“Raven...” she sighed softly. “We've got all the time, _ah-_ ” she sighed when the girl's finger touched her nipple.  
  
“Two weeks, I know, but I never have enough of you...” Raven's mouth reached her neck and her hands began to touch her.  
  
It was the slight knock on the door to make her jump. Lexa rose to her feet, afraid that her father could enter without first waiting an answer.  
  
“Hey, honey.” Roan began as soon as he opened the door. “Bellamy and I are going out to take something to eat, do you guys have any particular request?” he asked, glancing at Raven who had not moved from her seat.  
  
“For me something with the bacon if it is not a problem, Mr. Woods.”  
  
“No problem, but please, Raven, I've told you many times, call me Roan, you make me feel old.”  
  
“Yes, Roan.”  
  
Lexa chuckled at that little theater, she knew how Raven felt embarrassed whenever she was in front of her father. She did not know if it was for his muscles or his face or just the fear of what Roan could have done to her if he had discovered about them, but Raven was always on the edge when her father was in the room.  
  
“And for you, Lexa?” he asked, tilting his head.  
  
“Everything will be fine, dad.” she said. “I'm really tired, I just want to put something in my stomach and go to bed.”  
  
“All right then, something light is.” he murmured leaning over to kiss her forehead. “We'll be back in twenty minutes.”  
  
“Okay, see you later.”  
  
Lexa looked at him walking away from the door and when she closed it she turned to Raven, her eyes went through her naked body before she wrapped her in her bathrobe.  
  
“I'm going to take a shower and feel free to join me if you want.” she said stealing a small kiss.  
  
Lexa bit her lower lip following the waving of Raven's hips as hypnotized, while quickly she evaluated the options but when Raven left the door open, she knew she had no escape. If she hurried up she could go back to the room before her father came back, she thought as she quickly slipped off the t-shirt and tossed it carelessly on the bed.  
  
She could do this.  
  
//  
  
Surprisingly, they were able to get quality time before her father came back, even though Lexa was worried that Miss Griffin might have heard them. When she saw her in the hallway to get to the others, the woman had not given any sign that she heard something inconvenient. 

All five had eaten dinner on the porch, enjoying the evening breeze, chatting and trying to figure out what to do in the next few days. Roan had proposed a boat trip, then camping for one night in one of the forests lining the Alexandria Lake; from the look on Miss Griffin's face, he realized how little enthusiastic she was about that suggestion.  
  
It was almost eleven when Roan went to his room, followed by Miss Griffin, letting the three teenagers finish washing the dishes. They were fast enough, ten minutes to put everything in the dishwasher. When Bellamy closed the door behind him, Lexa could not hold back a sigh of relief at the idea that she could finally have some time for herself. She was not surprised to see Raven already lying on the bed in her underwear and to follow her example, she pulled off her shirt, followed by her jeans.  
  
“God, I'm destroyed.” Raven murmured, covering her face with her arm.  
  
Lexa chuckled. “I'm not surprised, you spend most of your time really tense when my dad is in the room.” she remarked. “He doesn't bite, Rav.”  
  
“Have you looked at him, Lexa? He's huge!”  
  
“He's harmless.” when she heard Raven snort, Lexa add. “It is! I know he may look huge but he's a good man. "  
  
“With you, because you're his little princess.” she said. “I don't think he will be very good at me if he finds out what I do to you when he's not home.”  
  
“Oh stop it.” Lexa laughed, unable to avoid her cheeks from turning red.  
  
The fact that Raven had just pulled off her underwear with a malicious smile on the lips, did not help Lexa to focus on something else than her body. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, before taking her stuff for her night ritual.  
  
“Behave yourself.” that was the only thing she said before heading out the door.  
  
The house was silent and Lexa enjoyed the feeling of the cold floor under her feet, as she walked through the space that separated her from the bathroom. She jumped when the door opened making her step back. It took all her willpower not to gape at the image in front of her: Miss Griffin with wet hair falling down in her wrists, her legs uncovered by the pajamas shorts and a white lace bra which was really doing a bad job to hold her sneezing breasts. She shook her head and immediately turned her gaze away. The woman had just showered, it was not right to look at her as if she was just a piece of meat.  
  
“I thought you were all in bed.” she whispered, hoarse and low voice.  
  
Lexa swallowed and looked up. “The others are.” she replied. “And I'm going to go, I just have to wash my teeth.” she said, showing her what was in her hands.  
  
“The bathroom is all yours.” she murmured. “I forgot the hair dryer in my room.”  
  
Lexa nodded and turned slightly to the side to make her pass, biting her lower lip, unable to hold back from looking at Miss Griffin's hips, bandaged in that narrow fabric that swirled in front of her eyes in a hypnotic way. She looked at another side when the door of Miss Griffin's room closed behind her with a dull noise and Lexa quickly entered the bathroom, searching for the shelter she needed so much. She watched her reflection in the mirror and sighed heavily seeing her red cheeks and shiny eyes.  
  
“You're hopeless, Woods.” she murmured in the silence of the room. “Hopeless.”  
  
Her night rituals were faster than usual, probably because she knew that Miss Griffin was waiting for her to dry her hair. The rooms and the bathroom were built on the opposite sides of the hall so that they could shower without disturbing people that were sleeping. When Lexa came out, she was not surprised to see the woman waiting but this time her body was covered with a robe that concealed all her forms.  
  
“All yours.” she said, stepping aside to let her pass.  
  
“Thank you.” the woman said with a small smile.  
  
Lexa added nothing else and walked the distance separating her from her room, clearly feeling the teacher’s look on her back. When Lexa slowly opened the door to prevent Raven from waking up, she heard Miss Griffin's voice call her, stopping her with the door slightly open.  
  
“Good night, Lexa.” she murmured with a small smile.  
  
Lexa did not realize that the door was open enough to allow her to look inside, as she did not realize the woman's eyes pointing at Raven's naked body in the sheets. She only noticed her eyebrow raised but the shiver that ran along her back distracted Lexa enough to not let her know what she was looking at.  
  
“Good night, Miss Griffin.” she whispered.  
  
 _“Lexa.”_ she said with a small laugh, shaking her head.  
  
Lexa looked down with red cheeks. “Good night, Clarke.”  
  
The smile that the woman gave her after hearing her name pronounced with such emotion, made Lexa's legs tremble. When she went back into the room, she hurried into bed next to Raven, as she hurried to hide her head between her legs and make her come at least three times before falling asleep at her side tired and exhausted.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pajamas she was wearing is the same Perrie of the little mix wear in the music video "hair"
> 
> If you want to send me a few prompts write me on: http://malikamanu.tumblr.com/


	5. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this shot but I warn you that we're getting to the heart of the story! 
> 
> Like always, english is not my first language if you find mistake feel free to let me know! 
> 
> Enjoy!

_**I'm a wandress** _   
_**I'm a one night stand** _   
_**Don't belong to no city** _   
_**Don't belong to no man** _   
_**I'm the violence in the pouring rain** _   
_**I'm a hurricane** _   
_**I'm a hurricane** _   
_**I'm a hurricane** _   
  
**Hurricane**

 

Lexa had always thought that there was something special during the early hours of the morning, something that had to do with the sun as it rose slowly in the sky and fresh air that she could feel on the skin before the heat came to make things more sultry. She woke up at dawn and after going to the bathroom, she was no longer able to fall asleep, she laid down on Raven's side for ages and when the light had begun to come into the room, she had slipped out of bed, prepared the backpack with everything she needed and decided to go for a run.  
  
She had been running for an hour letting the breeze caress her skin and enjoying the silence of the forest. Lexa loved solitude, it was her friend and, even though Raven’s company was welcome, she often needed silence to feel good. It was only a couple of days after their arrival and in addition to the daily commissions and afternoon walks nothing exciting had happened.  
  
For the sake of her mental health, Lexa had always found an excuse to never be in the closeness of Miss Griffin and her father whenever the two decided to go for a swim in the lake. It was exactly where her feet had led her, slowing down the race until she stopped, her breath a bit tense and a small layer of sweat wound her forehead. From her position the sight that the sun was creating on the flat surface of the water was something extraordinary and Lexa smiled as she pulled off her backpack tograb the camera to immortalize that beauty.  
  
Although she was an athlete and spent most of her time in the swimming pool, the passion for photography was one of the few things she had inherited from her mother, along with curly hair and plump lips. Every time her finger leaned on the camera button, Lexa felt her mother a little closer. She still remembered happy afternoons spent at the park with Livia taking photographs of people walking on the grass.   
  
She took a couple of photos before moving a few steps to look for a better angle and at that moment she saw something that caught her attention: Miss Griffin was doing yoga on the bridge on which many times Lexa had thrown herself into the cold waters of the lake. She found herself biting the lower lip as the lens pointed at the woman and she took a couple of pictures. Before she knew it, a couple became more and Lexa found herself looking for the best angle to be able to immortalize that timeless beauty. She focused on the details of her hips, the perfect way in which her chest was pulled out by that t-shirt that barely contained her breasts, the neck left uncovered by hair that had been tied in a high ponytail and the frowning in the effort to do the exercises properly.  
  
She was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.  
  
She could feel inside her a hurricane of emotions that were unleashed only when her eyes rested on Miss Griffin. It was something totally uncontrollable. Often it happened even with the small things: a small smile, the sound of her voice or even when she was in her room singing; when it happened Lexa was always lying in bed listening. If she had to be honest with herself, the thought of how much power Miss Griffin had on her actually frightened her and more than once she tried to regain control of her mind and actions. Every day she remembered how absurd that situation was and how much the woman was unattainable for a variety of countless reasons.  
  
She took other photos and finally decided not to further invade her privacy, already feeling pretty guilty about having stolen those shots without permission. She promised herself to guard them jealously and keep them hidden so that no one could ever find them. She put the camera back in the backpack and took a sip of water, keeping staring at the woman that was moving with grace and sensuality before turning around and going back home.  
  
Lexa was not surprised to find her father already awake on the porch with his usual cup of coffee.  
  
“Good morning, darling.” Roan said with a smile.  
  
“Good morning.” she replied.  
  
 “Morning run? I don't even remember the last time I saw you going for a run.”  
  
“I had some energy to blow off.” she explained. “I'm not doing much since we stopped practice for the summer, so I thought a good run could help me get rid of some tension.”  
  
“Well I guess you thought well.” Roan approached her for kissing her forehead.  
  
“What do you want for breakfast?”  
  
“Pancakes and fruit?” she asked.  
  
“Go take a shower, they'll be ready in fifteen minutes.”  
  
“Thank you, Dad.” she murmured, giving him a kiss on the cheek, she did not have the time to cross the door that Roan stopped her.  
  
“Call Raven too and tell her that she can look me in the eyes when we're all at the table.” he said amusingly. “Remind her that I do not feed myself with human flesh and that my eyes do not turn people into stones.”  
  
The only thing Lexa could do at those words was giggling.  
  
//  
  
If she had thought she would be able to stop the hurricane of emotions that she had felt when she had seen Miss Griffin doing yoga on the bridge, Lexa was wrong. She found it out when she found herself sitting on her father's boat trying not to look at Miss Griffin lying in the sun wearing an orange bikini and a pair of Ray Ban. Lexa took a deep breath and walked to the edge of the boat with her crosswords, she took a sip from the water bottle before returning to the enigma that she was trying to complete. None of the words made sense in her head and before she could surrender, Bellamy sat down beside her.  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked, tilting his head.  
  
“Cross words.” she replied, pointing to the notebook. “Without success, obviously.” she added.“May I help you? Two brains are better than one.” he said with a small smile.  
  
Lexa would have liked to tell him no but the prospect of spending the rest of the day trying not to look at Miss Griffin wasn't the best thing either. She glanced at Raven on the other side of the boat that was sunbathing and nodded, Bellamy's help would help her to focus on something else.   
  
Contrary to what she expected, the boy turned out to be quite smart, though Lexa kept him as far away as possible, not wanting him to think that that might have been a way to bond although she found herself laughing at his jokes often enough. So absorbed in the crossword, she did not realize how much time had actually passed, it was only when someone picked up the crosswords that she jumped, turning to find the amused look of her best friend.  
  
“Raven!” Lexa growled.  
  
“Only you can bring these things to the boat, Woods.” she said.  
  
Lexa got up to her feet, turning around to take back what belonged to her but Raven took a step back, holding it away and when she saw that Lexa did not seem to intend to dump, she threw the crossword straight into the lake water.  
  
“Ops!” she said with a frown.  
  
“Oh, c’mon Reyes.” Bellamy said, shaking his head, even though he was smiling.  
  
Lexa snorted, leaning over the railing to look at the notebook that had begun to move away, despite being away, Lexa tried to grab it. She lost the balance but a pair of strong hands grabbed her hips and she was not surprised to see Bellamy. That proximity was too much and instinctively she tried to get rid of the grip, the movement was too fast and both found themselves wavering on broth.  
  
“Raven no!” Lexa shouted.  
  
Raven instead put her hand on Bellamy's shoulder and pushed with force, a smile painted on the lips, looking at them amused, watching both end up over the railing directly into the water. When Lexa came back to surface, the only thing she could do was to grumble her frustration, before going away as far as possible from the boy.  
  
“Raven Marie Reyes!” she shouted.  
  
“Yes?” the girl said in amusement.  
  
“That's all you have to say?” she asked.  
  
Raven shrugged and chuckled; when she shifted from the railing she crashed against Roan's chest. She opened her mouth to talk but then he raised an eyebrow and Raven quickly sought an excuse for what she had just done. He could not be angry because she had made an innocent prank to his daughter... or maybe yes?  
  
“Mr. Woods I...” she swallowed when she saw him take a step further. “You will not...”  
  
Raven could not finish the sentence, Roan grabbed her hips and lifted her as she was made of foam, she snapped a surprised cry when her body hit the cold water. When Raven resumed, the hair sticking to the face, she was just in time to see the man take off his shirt with a fast movement and dive a few meters away from her.  
  
“I told you he is harmless.” Lexa laughed in her ear.  
  
“Harmless? He just threw me into the lake like I was a puppy!”  
  
“His strength has nothing to do with his kindness.” she laughed. “I've never seen him behave like this with anyone beyond me. It means you're part of the family now, Raven.”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes but did not answer, even tho the thought of Roan considering her part of the family made her happy even more than she wanted to admit. She turned to Lexa and gave her a slight kiss on her cheek, earning a confused look back.  
  
“Thank you.” she simply said.   
  
Before Lexa could ask for what she was thanking her, Raven swam in Bellamy's direction, probably not wanting to answer some awkward questions. It was not a mystery that Raven felt better with the Woods than with her parents, Lexa had given her the family she had always missed, and even Roan, in his own way, with his silence and his distracted glances, made her feel welcome and wanted. Lexa smiled slightly watching her play with Bellamy and decided to drop the subject, at least for the moment; Raven would tell her what was going through her head when she would feel comfortable doing it.  
  
When Lexa looked up her eyes crossed with Miss Griffin's ones who, curious about all that noise, leaned against the railing to look. Her sunglasses gone and she was staring at them curiously and Lexa could not hold back but smile at her, feeling her heart curling when the teacher returned with a brighter and seemingly happy one.  
  
“Join us.” Roan said.  
  
Miss Griffin shook her head. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I will stay here in the sun.” she said. “Have fun even for-” she did not finish the sentence that a splash of water hit her in the face. Her father - who apparently was acting like a teenager - did not seem willing to take a no as answer and soon the woman found herself completely wet.  
  
“Now you have no excuse not to join us.” he said. “Come on, the water is wonderful.”  
  
Lexa prayed the God she didn't believe in that the woman would not accept, she was not ready to see her swim with them. She found herself swallowing at one of the most beautiful and erotic visions she had ever seen when the teacher snorted before leaning her sunglasses and climbing the railing to reach them. Lexa bit hard her lower lip when she saw her jump in the lake and she had to get away quickly from temptation when the woman reappeared with her hair falling down her face and her breast that was visible from the water.  
  
Jesus, she could not breathe in front of so much beauty and for a moment she thought that a groan would escape if she had not been able to get away as soon as possible. So, she decided to take a swim away from the boat and the laughter without noticing Raven's gaze.

  
//  
  
The rest of the day went smoothly enough and, above all, without further incidents. Her father had convinced them to go out for dinner, and the conversations at the table had spread among the most varied topics. Only when, during the dessert a small yawn escaped from Raven's mouth, everyone had realized that the day had finally come to an end.  
  
The way back home was rather silent, painting a sleeping Raven with her head on Lexa's shoulder, who had spent all the time watching the stars in the sky. They retired to their rooms in absolute silence and Raven did not take long to undress and get under the sheets, leaving Lexa some time to prepare herself for the night. Lexa walked out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later and started looking for her phone in the back pocket of the jeans she wore that night, realizing that she did not have it.  
  
She sighed as she went silently out of the room, heading downstairs, she was almost completely sure that it had fallen into the car when Raven had tried to convince her to bring her inside the house on piggyback. Lexa reached the anteroom and thanked her dad, he always left the car keys at the entrance door and then she went out the back door not wanting to wake anyone.  
  
As she had expected, she found the cellphone under the driver's seat and mumbled something not so good about her best friend before closing the door. As she walked toward the big house her eyes caught something and she stopped: Bellamy and Miss Griffin in the middle of what looked like an argument. She frowned when she saw the boy melt away from the woman's grip before pointing a finger at her with a tone that, even from that distance, Lexa could guess it was rather accusative. She watched the teacher take a step toward Bellamy trying to calm him down, trying in vain to take his hand, but when the boy stepped back she saw her drooping her arms down and sighed. The argument went on for a few more seconds, in the end Bellamy turned away and left.  
  
Lexa kept staring at Miss Griffin as she wiped away a few tears that had fallen on her pale cheeks. She decided to give her privacy, unwilling to invade that moment - more than involuntarily, she had already done - and it was then that their eyes met.  
  
Lexa did the first thing that came to her mind: she showed her the phone. “I had forgotten it in the car.” that was the only thing she could say scratching the back of her neck a little embarrassed.  
  
Miss Griffin nodded slowly, and Lexa bit her lower lip, realizing she would not receive anything else; so she decided to get out of the way and leave her.  
  
“I got it.” she continued with stupidity. “So now I'm going.” she pointed out, taking a few steps toward home. “I mean, I'm getting out of the way.” she whispered more to herself than to the woman.  
  
When her hand leaned over the handle, Lexa heard the teacher’s voice reach her ears and she turned to look at her, seeing into her eyes a silent request. Lexa nodded slowly trying to make her understand that she would keep secret what she had just seen.  
  
“Thank you.” she whispered.  
  
“Good night, Miss Griff-Clarke!” she said biting her lower lip, but smiling as she saw the woman giggle. “Good night, Clarke.”  
  
“Good night, Lexa.”   
  
Lexa gave her a final look and a smile before crossing the door. As she climbed the stairs toward her room, she found herself wondering what kind of argument they had and when she closed the door behind her, she realized that she probably would never find out and she had too much sense to not going to Bellamy searching for explanations.  
  
Lexa slipped into the bed and stared at the ceiling for an endless time trying to erase Miss Griffin’s unhappy look from her mind. She fell asleep long after, dreaming about blonde hair and blue eyes.

 


	6. Roman Holiday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where Clarke and Lexa begin to get to know each other

_**On a Roman holiday** _   
_**Feet first, don't fall** _   
_**Or we'll be running again** _   
_**Keep close, stand tall** _   
  
  
**Roman holiday**

 

The naked body next to her was warm and Raven's breathing was slow, smooth and relaxing. Lexa draped an arm around her waist, holding her against her chest and burying the head in her neck to inhale the smell. Raven was one of the things that made her feel safe. Being tight in her arms, sharing that intimacy made Lexa remember to not be alone in that world and above all to be wanted. Their bond was not a romantic love, though Lexa remembered affectionately the crush she had on Raven during her freshman year. Lexa felt Raven move in her sleep mumbling something and she smiled, holding her tighter and giving her a small kiss on the naked shoulder. She remained in that sort of numbness, watching the lake from her position, hypnotized by the reflection of the moon on the water.  
  
Water was her element.  
  
From the first moment when her mother had brought her to the swimming lessons to teach her how to swim, Lexa knew she had found her way. There was nothing in the world that made her feel the same way, nothing that gave her the same adrenaline and the same desire to give one hundred percent. Summer was always the worst time for her: there was no practice and she had to arrange her workout and that was what she wanted to do in that moment.  
  
She slipped out of the bed making sure to not wake up Raven and with the same attention she took her swimsuit from the bedside table. Lexa wanted to take advantage of the full moon that created a perfect game of lights on the water to get a good swim, she knew for sure that Raven would not wake up until the morning and God she really needed time for herself.  
  
When she was swimming she felt good and calm.  
  
She still remembered the hours spent in the pool after a heated discussion with her father or how Roan had found her asleep on one of the benches of the municipal pool after her mother died. Chlorine, the feeling of water on the skin, the way she had to control her breath to swim faster: they were emotions she could never give up.  
  
She quickly reached the dock, carefully rested the towel, took off her shoes and braided the hair in a braid. She looked for a few seconds at the moon and in the end she took a deep breath and dived, forgetting everything else immediately. When she was swimming, time seemed to go faster than usual and when she emerged from the water, she was sure that she’s been in the water for a good hour, but she needed it.  
  
She could already feel her muscles lighter and the mind free of any kind of thought. She undid her hair and grabbed the towel wrapping her wet body, observing the moon and the stars. They were shining. She did not want to go back, so she put the towel on the bridge and looked out at the sky. She closed her eyes when a light breeze began to patter her skin still wet and she smiled at the feeling of freedom she could feel at that moment. Lexa was almost asleep when she felt the wood beneath her cripple and when she opened the eyes, her gaze laid on Miss Griffin.  
  
“We should stop meeting each other like that.” said the woman with a small smile. “I'm beginning to think you're a nocturnal animal.” Lexa sat up and smiled slightly. “Am I disturbing you? If yes I ca-”  
  
“No, no!” she answered with a little too much impetus, blushing as she saw the woman raise an eyebrow. “The bridge is big, there is room for the both of us.”  
  
The teacher said nothing, she sat by her side - leaving a discreet distance - and began to observe the stars in absolute silence. Lexa tried to keep her attention on something else and not on the woman near her, but it was difficult, her gaze always fell on her like a moth attracted by light. It was when the woman fluttered something in front of her face that Lexa rose the eyes and shook her head when she realized that she was offering a cigarette.  
  
“I'm a swimmer.” that was the only answer she gave.  
  
Miss Griffin smiled slightly and lit one, letting the silence fall again between them. Lexa felt the weight of that quietness and she bit her lower lip.  “Try to keep me a front row seat.” she said out of the blue snatching Lexa from her thoughts.  
  
“Mmh?”Lexa asked confused.  
  
“When you will participate in the Olympics.” she said with a small smile. “Keep me a front row seat.”  
  
Lexa thanked the darkness that hid her. She would have lied if she had said that those words did not make her happy. She always trained at one hundred percent to give the best possible performance and it was not a secret that she wanted to make that passion a possible job in the future.  
  
“How can you say I can do it?” she asked tilting her head to the side.  
  
“I've seen many of your competition, Lexa.” she pointed out. “You're the star of our team, if anyone can make it that’s you.”  
  
Nobody beyond her coach and Raven had ever believed so much in her. Roan had always supported her but she knew for sure that he would have preferred for her a different profession, something that gave her more stability than she could have trying to become an athlete.  
  
“I don't know what to say...” she finally murmured.  
  
The teacher decided not to add anything else, she even changed the subject. “Have you decided which college you want to attend?”  
  
Lexa shook her head. “I want to take some time to decide. I mean I still have one year left.”   
  
“Do you want to wait and see if some recruiter will take you?” she asked amused.  
  
“Is that so obvious?” Lexa asked giggling.  
  
“A little bit.” she replied. “You have nothing to worry about, universities will compete to have you.”  
  
Lexa looked down at her hands that were leaning on her lap. Her heart was pounding at the idea that Miss Griffin could have so much confidence in her.  
  
“Thank you.” she finally said. “It means a lot to me to know that people like you have so much confidence in my abilities.”   
  
The woman turned off the cigarette under the shoe and leaned over to the package, her face facing the sky. “You should believe more in yourself, Lexa.” she said with a small smile. “You have great qualities and you can do whatever you want.” she continued. “If your dream is to become a professional athlete then chase it, no matter how long and how much effort it will take to achieve it.”  
  
There was something in her tone that made clear to Lexa that there was something not pronounced in her words, she turned to stare at her, noticing immediately the veil of sadness that blurred inside her beautiful blue eyes. Once again she wondered what the great secret behind Miss Griffin was.  
  
“It's an advice that you have followed, too?” she found herself asking tilting her head to the side. “You always wanted to be a teacher?” 

  
“No, definitely not.” the teacher laughed. “It was not really in my programs but in the end I did not go so badly.”  
  
Lexa could not hold back the curiosity, she wanted to know every thing about the woman and she knew that there would never be another chance for it. “And what was your dream then?”  
  
“The pianist.” she whispered and instinctively her own gaze turned to her right hand that was leaning on the wood.  
  
It did not take long for Lexa to realize that something serious had frayed between her and her dream, but there was no need to ask anything else.  
  
“I broke my hand for an unlucky accident in the first year of the conservatory.” she began. “Although my mother was an excellent doctor and the surgery went well, healing required more effort.” she explained. “I can still play but not professionally, so I had to change the course of my life.”  
  
Lexa was impressed. Impressed by the strength she could clearly see in Miss Griffin's gaze. Impressed that the woman trusted her enough to tell her something so personal. Impressed with the advice of following her dream no matter what.  
  
“I'll keep you a seat.” Lexa said with a smile, deciding to change the course of that conversation. “If one day I can hear something played by you.”   
  
Lexa at that moment heard the most beautiful thing in the world: Miss Griffin’s laugh. When their eyes crossed, she was swallowed by the happiness she saw reflected in her blue irises.  
  
“Okay, deal.” she said holding her hand.  
  
Lexa smiled and felt a shiver sprawling across the body when the woman's hot palm touched hers. For a moment, their eyes remained united for a time that seemed really long, until Miss Griffin gave her another small smile and let her go.  
  
“Do you want to see the sunrise?” the woman asked as she laid on the bridge and put her arms behind the head.  
  
Lexa did not answer but imitated her position, too excited to pronounce any kind of sound. She leaned to her side pointing the face toward the sky and sighing happily when their arms touched.   
  
//  
  
When she came back a few hours later Raven was still deep asleep, the only thing that was different was her position. She decided not to disturb her, took the things she needed and retired to the bathroom, ready to take a nice shower to get rid of the water of the lake which, though clean, was definitely not the water of the swimming pool. She was not surprised to find Raven awake when she returned to the room again, naked and sleepy in the middle of the bed. The girl's eyes went all over her body wrapped in the bathrobe, making her smile lightly as she closed the door and reached the bed.  
  
“Good morning.” she greeted her.  
  
“What time is it?” Raven asked, frowning.  
  
“Seven thirty.”   
  
Raven fell back on the mattress with a groan, putting an arm on her face. “Are you insane?” We are on holiday!”  
  
“It's not a mystery that I'm an early person, Raven.” she said laughing dropping the bathrobe on the floor and slowly pulling on her underwear. “I went for a swim.” she added finally.  
  
She did not tell she had spent the last three hours with Miss Griffin sharing her old memories. That she listened to her talking about constellations, followed by the story of the myth to which they were inspired. Or how her blonde hair looked when the sun began to rise in the sky or how her eyes shone with a different light when she laughed or...  
  
“Come back to bed.” Raven commanded her, knocking one hand on the mattress. “I'm cold, come and get me warm.”   
  
Lexa chuckled, shaking her head, holding back the comment that if she has worn a pajamas she probably would not feel cold. As she slipped back into bed she decided that she would keep what had happened in her heart, far from everyone and probably she would jealously guard that memory throughout her all life.

 


	7. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with Lexa's birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They getting closer and closer... 
> 
> Enjoy!

_**My ghost** _   
_**Where'd you go?** _   
_**I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me** _   
_**My ghost** _   
_**Where'd you go?** _   
_**What happened to the soul that you used to be?** _   
  
  
**Ghost**

 

 

“ _It's all right, Lexa._ ”  
  
It was what Raven had told her the night before and that morning when she wasn't able to make love to her. She had not even had a plausible excuse this time, something to say to justify her behavior. She just couldn't. Certainly she could not tell Raven that every time she closed her eyes the only thing she could see and hear was Miss Griffin. Raven loved her, but Lexa was almost certain she would not understand her crush and certainly she did not want to lose her friendship for something that would never happen. She sighed heavily as she went down the stairs and when her foot reached the last step, her father's strong arms squeezed her in a hug and Lexa jumped of surprise.  
  
“Happy birthday, my love!” Roan said, giving her a big kiss on the cheek.  
  
“Thank you, daddy.” she answered with a laugh.  
  
If she had to be honest, with all the things she had in her mind in the last few days, she has completely forgotten her birthday. When Roan let her go it was Raven's turn, when it was Bellamy's turn, the boy gave her a wring on the shoulder and a small kiss on the cheek. Lexa's heart began to shake when Miss Griffin clutched her in her arms, whispering the wishes straight into her ear, making a shiver run along her back.  
When they sat at the breakfast table, Roan served her favorite pancakes and Lexa smiled happy. It was not uncommon for Roan to spoil her that way but when it was her birthday he tended to be more attentive than usual.  
  
“What do you want to do today, Lex?” Raven asked. “It's your day, you can decide what you want to do.”  
  
Lexa thought for a moment. It was not strange they were at the lake house during her birthday and she remembered with great pleasure that at that time, a few miles from their home, a county fair took place. Her parents had always took her, it was a kind of tradition but certainly she did not want to force everyone into a boring night just because she felt nostalgic.  
  
“I don't know.” she said, shrugging her shoulders and cutting off the pancakes.  
  
“Oh, come on.” Roan said laughing. “I know where you want to go.”  
  
Lexa's cheeks were painted red and she looked down at the plate, biting the lower lip. She noticed Raven's hand stroke her thigh and sighed. “Okay, I'd like to go to the usual country fair.”  
  
“Country fair it is then!” Roan exclaimed with a big smile taking a sip of his coffee. “I have to go buy some things for next week. Any special request for lunch?” he asked.  
  
“I think Lexa has to decide the menu of the day.” Miss Griffin answered.  
  
Lexa looked at her feeling tremendously embarrassed for all those attentions. She had never liked all those celebrations for her birthday because for her it was one day as another.  
  
“Why do not you come with me?” Roan asked her.  
  
Lexa nodded, taking the fork to her lips in the hope that her silence would end the conversation and it worked. The rest of the breakfast shifted to more relaxed tones and Raven's hand remained on her leg to comfort her.   
  
“See you in ten at the car?” Lexa stood and picked up her plate.  
  
“Make it twenty.” Roan said. “I need to make myself presentable.” he continued giggling and stroking his unkempt beard.  
  
Lexa chuckled, washing her plate, surprised when Miss Griffin joined her and jokingly pushed her to the side.  “Don't take all the space, birthday girl.” she said amused.  
  
“You could kindly ask me to move.” Lexa remarked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“And where is the fun in that?” she asked, patting her lips.  
  
“You should not make fun of me, I'm the birthday girl and as such I am allowed to do everything today.” Lexa pointed out and before the woman could answer, she put her hands under the water, throwing it directly to her face.  
  
The teacher let out an expression of surprise but when she turned to counterattack, Lexa had already moved away quickly, sheltering behind Raven with a funny smile.  
  
“It's not over.” she said, pointing a finger at her.  
  
Lexa chuckled, shrugging her shoulders and then she went upstairs to get change.  
  
//  
  
In the end, Lexa and Roan decided not to go back for lunch, stopping at one of the downtown restaurants and taking something to eat to spend some time alone. Lexa happy passed the fingers on the new swimsuit that her father had bought as birthday present and smiled remembering the promise he had ripped off: to bring the swimming team to win the championship so she could finally close her school career in a wonderful way.  
  
“Are you sure that was what you wanted?” Roan asked.  
  
“Yes, dad it is.” she assured him. “It's beautiful and I cannot wait to wear it at my first competition.” she added with a smile. “I was thinking about throwing away the one I'm using for the practice exchanging it with the one I'm using for competitions and using this new one for special occasions.”  
  
Roan smiled and leaned over to grab her hand. “Do what you think is best.” he whispered. “And I cannot wait for the start of the championship.”  
  
Lexa smiled, putting the swimsuit into the bag when she saw the waitress arrive with their orders. The girl set the dishes in front of them and walked away quickly leaving them the right privacy to enjoy their lunch.  
  
“So...” Roan began slowly. “It seemed to me that Bellamy has a crush on you.”   
  
At those words Lexa found herself coughing and she had to drop fork and knife on the table, reaching the glass for taking a sip of water.  
  
“And it seems to me that you have also noticed.” he laughed but when he saw that Lexa's face did not seem to want to go back at the normal color, he frowned. "Are you okay?”  
  
“H-he's not really my type.” she finally managed to say.  
  
Roan stared at her for a long moment. “And what would your type be?” he asked, trying to make the question disinterested.  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“What would your type be?” he asked again.  
  
“Certainly not Bellamy.” Lexa said, giggling nervously but when she saw that Roan was waiting for further clarification, she lowered her lower lip. “Is it a way to ask me if I'm dating someone, Dad?”  
  
“Yes.” he sighed. “I'm not good at these things, okay?” Roan said scratching the back of his neck. “Your mother was definitely more involved in the matter than me and I know that for a young woman talking about these things with her father is strange, but I just want you to know that you can tell me anything.”   
  
Lexa looked down on her plate, uncertain whether to say the truth or not. She was not sure that tackling _that_ subject on her birthday was the wisest thing in the world and she certainly did not want to create confusion. “I'm not dating anyone.”  
  
“Oh... and c-can I ask why?” he asked. “You're a brilliant and beautiful girl.” he said and when Lexa rolled her eyes, he laughed and tried to add. “And not just because you're my daughter, Lexa. You look like your mother and for me she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”  
  
“I'm just not interested at the moment.” Lexa said shaking her head. “I'm focusing on my grades and swimming, I don't have much time to think about these things.”  
  
She could not tell him about Raven, or even that the only woman she wanted was almost unattainable for various reasons.  
  
“Well, I'm sure you'll have all the time in the world at college.” Roan assured her.  
  
Lexa smiled slightly and came back to concentrate on her lunch, feeling a little knot on the stomach that suddenly removed her appetite completely. Every time she lied to her father she felt bad and did her best to hide it.   
  
//  
  
When they came back with the grocery shopping, she was not surprised to find decorations in the kitchen and she could not thank enough all of the three for that. After going swimming and showering, she had fallen on the bed, sleepy but happy to be able to afford some time for herself. She had hardly had time to open the book when Raven had made her appearance wrapped in a bathrobe and damp hair. Lexa gave her a distracted look before returning to look at her book, interested in finding out who the killer was and to see if her suspicions were well founded. She felt the mattress move and Raven gently pulled away the book and she was sinking into her dark eyes.  
  
“Good afternoon, birthday girl.” she whispered.  
  
“Good afternoon to you.” Lexa murmured, glancing at her naked body.  
  
That body that she had so often loved with her lips and hands. That body that every time she saw it lit the desire. That body that in that moment, however, was not giving her anything.  
  
What was happening to her?  
  
“Do you want to unwrap one of your presents?” Raven asked, climbing her arms around her neck.  
  
Lexa would have liked to tell her yes, letting herself go in Raven's arms and making love to her again and again but there was something that blocked her.  
  
“Are you sure everything is okay, Lexa?" Raven's voice was filled with concern.  
  
“I'm fine, Rav.” she answered. “What is this gift?”  
  
Raven, however, knew her too well and after glaring at her for a long moment she smiled sweetly, brushing their lips in a gentle caress and hiding the head in her neck. Lexa began to stroke her back, feeling her sigh in her arms.   
  
“I thought because no one ever cuddled you.” she murmured. “I'll take this arduous task.”  
  
Lexa closed her eyes and swallowed, quietly thanking her best friend for having realized that she would not be able to do anything else. She pressed her tight against her chest, caressing her, questioning herself why she was no longer able to make love to one of the most important person in her life, to the only person who had always made her feel safe. A couple of hours later a slight knocking on the door, woke her up and Lexa blinked a couple of times, focusing on the room. During their rest they had moved to the side and Raven was sleeping with the head on her chest.   
  
“Yes?” Lexa said.   
  
“Honey?” Roan's voice made her move away from the girl. “Are you asleep?” he said amused. “Me, Bellamy and Clarke were thinking of leaving in half an hour, do you think you can do it?”  
  
“Yes, Dad.” she replied. “We get ready right away.”  
  
“Okay, see you downstairs.”  
  
When she heard her father's footsteps along the hall, Lexa ran a hand over her face and sighed, looking at the sleeping outline of her friend. Would not it have been easier if her heart had belonged to Raven? She found herself wondering with desolation. When they came down twenty minutes later, ready to leave, Lexa was not surprised - despite her protests - to find a birthday cake. Under the attentive look of all of them, Lexa stared at the eighteen candles with a bit of fear of being unable to believe she has come on age already. Roan draped an arm on her shoulders kissing her cheek.  
  
“Don't forget to make a wish.” he whispered.  
  
Lexa took a few seconds to think and finally closed her eyes and blow, letting the wish evaporate in the smoke of the candles. Her father gave her another kiss on the cheek causing Lexa to push him away playfully and releasing his laughter.  
  
“Hold it.” he said, giving her the knife.  
  
Lexa looked at him and took off the candles from the cake and placed the tip of the knife on the edge of the cake, seeing him shake his head.  
  
“If I were in you, I'd cut it from that side.” he suggested, pointing to the left side, when he saw Lexa raise an eyebrow in explanation, he giggling. “Trust me, cut that side.”  
  
Lexa did as he ordered and when she placed the slice on the plate, she noticed something coming out from the cream. Lexa wasn't very sure she wanted to put her hands inside but when she looked up and saw Roan’s smile she surrendered. Her fingers touched something metallic and cold, confuse she pulled it out and stood without words. She saw a bunch of keys. When her eyes fell on the key-ring with her last name print on it, she stared at Roan.   
  
“Good birthday darling.” said Roan.  
  
“Oh my god dad...” Lexa murmured, holding the keys while tears moistened her eyes.  
  
“It's been since you took the license that you do nothing but ask me about it.” he replied. “You will go to college soon and you need a car all of your own. I'm sure your grandfather would want you to have it.”  
  
Lexa threw her arms at him and Roan smiled happy. “Thank you, Dad, it's one of the best gifts ever.”  
  
“It needs to be fixed.” he pointed out. “But if we commit ourselves, it will be ready for the beginning of the new school year.”  
  
“I can give you a hand.” Raven said, drawing both eyes on her. “You know it's my passion. With a little work we can make it.”  
  
Lexa nodded, the smile on her face was so big that it threatened to hurt her jaw.  
  
//  
  
The fair was just like Lexa remembered. Every year the lights were a charm, the attractions very noisy and the air full of smells of various kinds: hotdogs, popcorn, yarn sugar and cotton candy. After paying the parking ticket, the group headed to the entrance and Raven took her hand and dragged her in the crowd.  
  
“Slow down!” Lexa laughed. “We have all night and if you keep doing this, you will take my hand off!”  
  
“What do we want to do first?” she asked, ignoring Lexa’s protests completely.  
  
“You choose.” she replied, it was quite clear that the girl was more excited than she was. Raven looked around like a little girl on Christmas morning and finally pointed her finger on the spooky house. “Are you sure of what you want, Reyes?” she scowled. “Or after five minutes do I have to call security to come to save you?”  
  
“Are you suggesting that I'm a coward, Woods?”  
  
“Your words, not mine.” she replied. “Okay then, show me how reckless you are.”  
  
Raven turned out to be much more than brave than she thought, Lexa had some trouble to not shout whenever a zombie appeared from behind a dark corner. Lexa did not deny that when they came out and the colors of other attractions hit her face, she felt relieved but she would never admit it. After taking some cotton candy they walked in the crowd to reach Bellamy and Roan who seemed to get involved in a gunshot challenge. Lexa leaned against the stand and giggled when she saw her father grow in frustration when Bellamy threw of the last can.  
  
“I'm sorry Roan, but it's pretty clear that Bellamy is better with guns than you are.” Miss Griffin said, giving him the glass of beer she was holding.  
  
“I want to try it.” Raven said, leaning two dollars on the counter.  
  
The boy loaded the weapon, giving her some clues about how to keep it away from the face and above all how to handle it. Raven did as he showed, but only one of her shot was good and Lexa laughed and then took a hand to the mouth to try to contain her laughter.  
  
Raven turned to her. “Let's see if you can do better!”  
  
Lexa cleared her throat and stepped foreword, leaning two dollars on the counter and waited for the boy to load the gun. She handled it safely, pointed it against the cans and these fell one after the other with a deaf sound.  
  
“You're so disgusting that I cannot even look at your face.” Raven said.  
  
“It's not true, grumpy.” Lexa laughed. “I just spent all my birthdays here, I learned something.”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes but a sweet smile appeared on the lips. “I think I'm going to get something to drink.”  
  
Before she could say anything, Bellamy stepped forward. “I'm coming with you. Do you want something, Lexa?” he asked.   
  
“Don't even try to say no, Woods, it's your birthday, you can afford to drink something that is not water.” Raven said, pointing a finger at her.  
  
“Well, if you put it that way, I think it will have a coke.”  
  
The two moved away and Lexa found herself alone, the gun still tight between the fingers and a confused expression. When she turned, miss Griffin was talking to the guy behind the counter who was trying to convince her to give it a try.  
  
“Where's my father?” asked.  
  
This gave the woman the opportunity to slip away from those unwanted attention and turn toward her, a small smile painted on the lips.  
  
“He's got an important call from the restaurant.” she said.  
  
“Oh, I understand.” she hoped it was not somethings serious and at that moment she realized she still held the gun.  
  
“Do you want the prize or you prefer to try another round and try to win a bigger one?”  
  
Lexa thought for a moment and frowned when she saw two dollars appear on the counter, followed by Miss Griffin's wink.  
  
“I want the elephant.” she simply said. “How many points do we want for that?” she asked the boy.  
  
“Sixty.” he said. “The miss has already collected thirty. If you want the elephant, you have to make two more matches and throw down every single can.”  
  
“Do you think you can do it, Lexa?” she asked amusedly.  
  
“Are you challenging me?” Lexa asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Miss Griffin shrugged. “Not exactly. But I have to tell the truth, I really like that elephant.”  
  
Did she really like that elephant? Well, then Lexa would win it for her. Just as previously she positioned the gun and shot, all thirty cans fell of with a muffled sound. She turned to stare at the woman with victorious smile and Miss Griffin was leaning on the counter other two dollars but Lexa was quicker.  
  
“I have proved my worth.” said. “Do you want that elephant? I cannot do all the work.” she handed her the gun. The teacher began to shake her head but Lexa did not seem ready to accept no for an answer. “I never thought you were the type of woman to refuse a challenge.” Lexa said. “What a pity, I must have made a mis-”  
  
“Give me that gun.”   
  
The girl laughed and gave it to her watching her taking the same position she had taken a few minutes before. When she pressed the trigger though, the two shots went blank and the woman growled loudly. Lexa stepped forward and crushed the chest against her back.  
  
“Put your torso straight.” she said, lips close to her ear. “Take aim through the viewfinder.” continued in a whisper. “Balance your weight and then shoot.”  
  
Miss Griffin took a moment to take note of that advice: she set her torso, took aim through the viewfinder, balanced the weight and shot. The bullet crashed with a loud noise against one of the cans, dropping it on the ground. “I did it!” she cried, turning to look at her. “Did you see? I did it!”   
  
There was a moment of silence, the woman's eyes were even more blue from that distance and Lexa found herself breathing hard at that sight. Finally, aware of their closeness, she stepped back and swallowed, noticing the way the professor looked back on the cans.  
  
“Sorry if I took me so long.”  
  
Her father's return was what they needed and Lexa smiled, moving away as much as possible without wanting to give a wrong impression. When Bellamy and Raven came back with the drinks, Lexa felt relieved and took a sip of coke. In the end Miss Griffin managed to win the elephant and did nothing else than banging him on her nose for all the way home.  
  
//  
  
Lexa was sure Raven had realized that there was something wrong, especially since she had spent the last two days avoiding any contact with her. She knew that her friend did not care about sex but about the love they had for each other, that was bigger than anything else in the world, but Lexa felt guilty, as if she was betraying her. It did not help her to keep thinking about what had happened on her birthday. She still remembered the feeling of Miss Griffin's body against hers, her sweet scent that wound her when she bent to speak into her ear and her eyes. Not to mention the way the woman did nothing but play with her, joking and grinning whenever she had the opportunity. That certainly did not help Lexa to keep the woman out of her thoughts, in fact she did nothing but burst all the sensations she felt for her.  
  
She sighed, crossing the back door and shook her head trying to resume control of her thoughts as she passed the towel into her wet hair. Now going to swim at night under the moonlight had become a routine that she was happy to pursue, taking advantage of the silence and solitude. Lexa walked into the kitchen eager to drink something before going to take a shower and stopped at the threshold when she saw the woman, sitting at the kitchen island with a slice of her birthday cake.  
  
“I'm starting to think you're following me.” she began, without even looking at her.  
  
Lexa walked to the fridge and opened it to take a bottle. “I could say the same thing.” she replied. “I'm the one who goes swimming at the same time every day. Is a coincidence that I always find you waiting for me? I don't think so.” she continued with an amused smile.  
  
The woman stared at her moving into the kitchen, took a glass and poured a bit of water. She sipped it in silence, observing the teacher enjoying the slice of cake and she could not avoid smiling. One thing she had learned from the time they had spent together was that Miss Griffin loved food and watching her eat was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen.  
  
“Do you want some?” she asked, pointing at the plate.  
  
“I'm not a great fan of cakes” she replied walking. “I prefer a good ice cream with cream on top.” she continued leaning on the island.  
  
“You don't know what you're missing.” she replied, taking the spoon to her mouth.  
  
Lexa shook her head and finished drinking the water, putting the bottle in the fridge ready for her well-deserved shower. When she turned around to put the glass into the sink, she clashed against the woman's chest who had risen to wash her plate. They stared at each other for a long moment, until Lexa moved to take a step back and jumped out of fear when she felt cream on her cheek.  
  
“This is for splashing me the other day.” she whispered amused.  
  
She opened the mouth and instinctively cleansed it with the back of her hand and before she could replicate, Miss Griffin lifted her hand to smother the other cheek. Lexa, however, was quicker and pulled the plate out of her hands.  
  
“Lexa...” the woman began doing a step back.  
  
Lexa raised an eyebrow watching her with a smirk on her lips. They began to study each other for an indefinite time and in the end Miss Griffin tried to snap to the door, just to be stopped by Lexa's hand that grabbed her wrist. The movement was too sudden and Lexa lost the balance, finishing to slam the woman against the fridge causing a noxious noise.  
  
“I-I'm sorry!” she said instantly.  
  
The teacher's smile was so brilliant that Lexa felt disoriented for a moment and that distraction was fatal. “Like this the cake tastes even better.” she said amused.  
  
She took another piece of cake from the dish, soaking it all over her mouth tearing an exclamation from Lexa's mouth. At that point Lexa took the rest of the cake and did the same thing, giggling when she saw the woman with her wide eyes.  
  
“I will never give up without fighting.” Lexa whispered with a small laugh, letting her go. “But I don't think this was my father's intent when he bought this cake.”  
  
Miss Griffin chuckled, getting up from the fridge and leaning toward her to pick up with the tip of the finger a little bit of the cream that was on her nose. She took it to her lips, staring and Lexa swallowed, watching her lick the cream.  
  
“Then you better go to bed before we get you in troubles, mmh?” she asked, pulling the plate out of her hands and leaning into the sink.  
  
Lexa stared at her completely without words, accepting the tissue and cleaned her dirty face.  
  
“Good night, Lexa and thank you.”  
  
She did not have time to ask the reason for such gratitude that the woman got up on the toes and gave her a little kiss on the cheek, leaving her motionless and with her heart pounding. When the teacher disappeared upstairs, Lexa let out the breath she was holding.  
  
“Good night, Clarke.”  
  
Those words broke the silence while the kiss kept burning on her skin.

 

 


	8. Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lexa sees something she like ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready after this shot things will be more ... intense

_**You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise** _ __**  
** _**You’re spilling like an overflowing sink** _ __**  
** _**You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece** _ __**  
** _**And now I’m tearing through the pages and the ink** _ __****  
  
_**And now I’m covered in the colors, pull apart at the seams** _ __****  
****  
  
**Colors**

 

The call her dad had received two days earlier turned out to be more important than Lexa had expected and Roan had to go back to town to solve the matter. He left the next morning, making sure Miss Griffin agreed to stay a few days alone with all three teenagers. They had been quite days, Lexa and Raven had spent most of their time in the garage with the new car, scoring on a paper all the new pieces she needed so that Roan could buy and takethem back with him from the city. Lexa had been happy to help Raven, who had thrown herself into work with such enthusiasm.  
  
Lexa could not believe that Roan had given her that gift, she knew how jealous and possessive he was of the things that once belonged to his father. But now it belonged to her and every time she looked at the car, she remembered all the beautiful moments she'd had in the company of her grandfather Daniel. That day, after spending the whole morning in the garage, she took a quick shower, she sat on the big rocker on the back with a book and her faithful notebook. The words wrapped her right away and her mind began to wander away.  
  
“Wuthering Heights, mmh?”   
  
Miss Griffin's voice snatched her from that fantasy world and Lexa looked up, finding herself in front of her breathtaking beauty. She smiled slightly and shrugged, moving to the side to make some space, a suggestion that the woman caught immediately because she sat down at her side.  
  
“What can I say: I like classics.” she justified.  
  
“It is very old.” she said, tilting the head and sliding her finger over the ruined cover.  
  
"It belonged to my mother but I had the blame for this worn.” Lexa answered blushing. “She loved reading and our bookstore is full with old classics.” she explained.  
  
“So you read this very often?”  
  
“Enough.” she replied. “I find it a very intense book.”  
  
Miss Griffin did not respond immediately, she looked at the cloudless sky and Lexa wondered what she was thinking. She was sure she had an opinion about the book, it was her job to analyze those kind of books.   
  
“What do you like about that book, Lexa?” she asked curiously.  
  
Lexa remained silent for a few minutes, wondering seriously on that question and why Wuthering Heights was the book she always read. It was a strong story and often very criticized but there was something extremely intriguing, something she could not give up.  
  
“It's intriguing.” she replied finally. “I know it may seem absurd but I think the power of this novel is in the characters and the way their feelings are expressed. I was always surprised that there was not one positive character both in actions and values.”

“Many literary critics have found this book strong in its representation of physical and mental cruelty.” Miss Griffin pointed out.  
  
"Yes, it's very strong but at the same time so real, don't you think?” Lexa asked, tilting her head and moving the fingers on the yellowish cover.  
  
“I would like to know your point of view, I'm curious.” she replied.  
  
Lexa smiled and let herself go against the headboard of the rocker, bringing it to lightly swing, while her mind was trying to pick up her thoughts quickly.  
  
“It is about desperate love and deep hatred.” she began. “Heathcliff is damned since birth, he is wicked and extremely vindictive. At the same time Catherine is rich, spoiled and whimsical and as they may seem different, they are the soul of the other. But this is not enough, their connection is so unique that even death cannot separate them.”  
  
“ _ **I’ll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won’t rest till you are with me. I never will!**_ ” said Miss Griffin with a small smile. “I agree with you, Lexa, I think this is the very essence of the book and I think Emily Brontë wanted to highlight all the main feelings in which the human soul dwells, even if they are conflicting: hate, love, despair, revenge and even contempt.” she continued. “And the writer makes you wonder: what are you willing to do for love? How far a human being can go for the person it wants?”  
  
Lexa turned her head, biting her lower lip and trying to curb the words that were on the tip of her tongue. She knew that the teacher was just asking rhetorical questions, just as she had done so many times in her classroom but for the first time in her whole life, Lexa wanted to be able to answer them openly. She wanted to tell her what she was willing to do to be able to conquer her, or what she was willing to do to be able to hold her even a minute but, instead of answering with those words, Lexa replied with one of the quotes from the book.  
  
“ _ **Because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart—you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine**_.”  
  
Miss Griffin turned to look at her with a smile but Lexa could see the sadness in her blue eyes and she wondered what terrible burden laid in her. “So I suppose this notebook is for writing your thoughts?” she asked with curiosity.  
  
“Not really.” Lexa answered a bit embarrassed. “Sometimes I delight myself in writing.”  
  
“Really?” she asked with surprise. “Lexa, it’s great!”  
  
“You would not think so, if you had read them.” she said chuckling.  
  
“Then let me.” when the girl turned to her with a confused look, she laughed. “Let me read something, Lexa. Let me give you my professional opinion.”  
  
Lexa shook her head, no one had ever read anything of hers, she felt tremendously personal and Miss Griffin... well, she was the one that inspired all her writings. Lexa had never written her name but the intensity of the feelings was fairly clear.  
  
“No one has ever read something.” she said after a long silence. “And it doesn't have so much value, they are just thoughts thrown on paper.”  
  
“Let me be the judge.” the woman said putting her hand on Lexa's and the girl felt a shiver on the back which made her swallow. “You don't have to, not if you don't feel it, I understand.” she finally added with a small smile.  
  
“You will tell me what you think? Even though it is unreadable?”  
  
“I'm sure this will not, but yes, you have my word.”  
  
Lexa thought about it for a few seconds and finally reached out to the notebook, smiling when Miss Griffin took it and opened it. She did not even read a line that Raven made her appearance, snatching them from the little spell they were locked in.  
  
“Here you are!” she said smiling at the woman at her side. Lexa straightened her back in explanation. “Bells and I thought of going out for ice cream, do you wanna come?” she asked.  
  
“I think I'm going to my room.” the woman said and stood up. “Will you come back for dinner?” she asked.  
  
“Yes, Miss Griffin.” Raven assured her.  
  
“Raven.” she said giggling.  
  
“I apologize, habit.” she said shaking her head. “Yes, Clarke, we'll be back for dinner.”  
  
“Okay, see you later then.”   
  
Lexa gave her a small nod and the teacher headed to the door. When she walked alongside Raven, she didn't notice that her eyes were on the notebook or the sad look that was painted on her face.  
  
//  
  
The afternoon was spent in the name of laughter. She, Bellamy and Raven had taken some ice cream and had eaten by the lake to be able to chat. It was quite surprising when a group of boys had approached them and began to talk. It was surprising to find themselves playing volleyball in the house that the group had rented for the holidays. When they went home, Lexa had found herself accepting an invitation to a party at the pool for the next day. That request had been welcomed by all three with great enthusiasm, especially for the possibility of finally being able to spend a different evening. Holiday was a way out of the long months of school but the monotony of their days was beginning to be felt and as much as Lexa worshiped her solitude, sometimes she felt the need to escape even from that.  
  
Hours later, when Lexa entered into the kitchen she was greeted by the wonderful smell of the dinner and she smiled seeing Miss Griffin moving with the music that was coming out of the little radio that her father had placed on the counter. She took a few steps into the room, watching one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen. Feeling observed, the teacher turned and smiled while she was carrying the spoon to her lips holding it as a microphone, starting to sing again.  
  
“ _ **I love rock n' roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby! I love rock n' roll, so come and take your time and dance with me!"  
  
**_ The woman walked into the kitchen approaching her, holding out the spoon and inviting her to join into the song. Lexa shook her head, the smile she did not seem to want to leave her face.  
  
“ _ **He smiled so I got up and asked for his name.**_ ” the woman continued. “ _ **That does not matter, he said, Cause it's all the same ... said I can take you home where we can be alone.**_ ” she whispered, raising an eyebrow and trying to convince her to sing. “ _ **And next we were moving on, he was with me, yeah me, next we were moving on he was with me, yeah me singing!”  
  
**_ Lexa did not understand what made her join that performance, perhaps the desire to let herself go or perhaps the sweet smile on the woman's lip but she simply followed her in that little improvised concert.  
  
“Yeah, Lexa!” she laughed. “ _ **I love rock n 'roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby! I love rock n 'roll, so come and take your time and dance with me!**_ ”  
  
During the guitar solo, the woman took the spoon to her belly and pretended to be playing a guitar, imitating the noise with her lips making Lexa, who took a hand to her mouth, laugh, unable to believe in her eyes. Raven and Bellamy entered the kitchen a few seconds after watching the show with curiosity.  
  
“Join us!”   
  
Lexa did not miss the way Bellamy's jaw stretched to those words, while Raven immediately draped her arm around her shoulders and joined the show.  
  
“ _ **Said can I take you home where we can be alone, next we're moving on!**_ ” Raven sang.  
  
“ _ **He was with me, yeah me and we'll be moving on!**_ ” Lexa answered giving a little shove to Bellamy.  
  
The boy smiled surrendering and taking a hand behind the neck a bit embarrassed, singing with them. “ _ **And singing that same old song. Yeah with me, singing!**_ ”  
  
Miss Griffin began to beat her hands in sync with the music. “ _ **I love rock n 'roll! So put another dime in the jukebox, baby!**_ ”  
  
That perfect moment was interrupted by a strong smell and the woman turned.   
  
“Shit, the risotto!” she cried, running toward the stove.  
  
The poor and helpless risotto had been forgotten just to improvise that performance but fortunately the woman managed to save it at the last moment. A big sigh rose from her lips as the song ended in the background and Raven accompanied the singer in the last verses.  
  
“Our dinner is officially saved.” she whispered, turning to look at them. “So before I do any more trouble, it is better if you lead the table.”  
  
The only thing she received in return was a nod of assent and a couple of smiles.  
  
Having dined and arranged the kitchen, Bellamy was out for his usual evening run, Raven went to the room to take a shower and Lexa was again in the garage to finish the final arrangements for her gift. Roan would be back in a couple of days and Lexa wanted to check again all the pieces she needed to make that car the jewel it was when her grandfather had it. She put a small asterisk on each piece and checked the state of the tires again, recalling that they had to be swelled a bit and probably changed as soon as they got home. She took the rag that Raven had left on the roof and closed the door with her hip, passing her hand on her forehead to take off the sweat, observing her work with a gaze full of pride. It was the slight knock on the door that attracted Lexa's attention and she was surprised to see Miss Griffin with her shoulder leaning against the door jamb and with something in her hands.  
  
 _Her notebook.  
  
_ “Have you taken a break from your world tour?” Lexa teased her around. “I would not want your fans to be angry with me for not having a concert.”  
  
Lexa felt the heart leap into her throat when she saw her giggling amused as the woman took a few steps in the room. The garage door closed behind her with a small thud and it did not take long to hand her the notebook.  
  
“My fans will understand.” she answered in a tone. “Especially when I will tell them I've read your wonderful art.”  
  
Lexa's cheeks became red at that compliment and she shook her head, unable to believe the truth of those words. She knew she had talent but she never had the daring to consider it art; it was just a way of throwing down all the thoughts that blurred her mind.  
  
“It's the only way I know to be able to vent the multitude of thoughts, feelings and problems that shuffle in my head, so I would not call it exactly art.”  
  
“Lexa I've read countless books, stories written by my former classmates when I was doing the teacher's assistant in college and my students' themes.” the woman began. "Nothing is comparable to what I've read in these pages," she said, shaking the notebook. “Where was all this passion in the themes I've given you over the last few years?” she asked amusedly.  
  
“Maybe I did not know what the true passion was.” Lexa replied ironically.  
  
If only the woman could read in her mind to understand who had inspired those words. If only the woman knew who her muse was. If only the woman knew what was going on inside her when she saw her blue eyes...  
  
“This is a passion that is not born out of nowhere.” she said, approaching a few steps. “It's something you have in here.” her index pointed to her heart. “You should leave it more space, Lexa, you are able to create marvelous things with this passion.”  
  
“T-thank you.” she whispered swallowing slowly.  
  
Miss Griffin opened the notebook, scrolling through the pages, as if she was looking for something, under Lexa's attentive look. “I loved this: _How do you know if you're in love? Emma was not an expert on the subject but after countless relationship ended badly and all the time spent wondering what was wrong with her, she was able to find a sort of answer to that question._ ” she began. “ _Perhaps she had understood when she had come home after a long shift of work, finding her girlfriend in the bed embracing her pillow. Perhaps she realized it when she felt her chest tighten in an almost painful grip at the sight. Perhaps she had realized it when she made her way into bed, bringing the cold with her, watching her girlfriend move to get more comfortable into her hug._ ”  
  
Lexa felt her heart beating fast when she heard the woman's voice reading those words. She never thought that hearing those works read by someone else could make her feel all those feelings.  
  
“ _Perhaps it was not the right way to understand it but Emma had nothing to compare with it. With her first girlfriend, Sarah, she almost expected it because they had grown up together and perhaps the thought that crowded in her mind in that moment made her a horrible person, but she was pretty sure she never really loved her_.” she continued. “ _Everything vanished beneath the snow that had fallen slightly out of the window and her feelings were so painful that she wanted to laugh at the thought of how blind she was_.”  
  
“ _But she was in love with Cassie. She was in love with her. She loved her and wanted to climb on the roof and shout it and never, never stop kissing her.” Lexa added._  
  
“ _That's how you understand that you're in love._ ” the woman finished for her.  
  
After those words there was a long moment of silence, only their breath broke the silence. They stared at each other for a time that seemed endless before Miss Griffin leaned forward, Lexa felt her heart lose a beat until the woman's thumb laid on her left cheek. “You have something here...” she murmured, probably removing a grease residue from her cheek.  
  
The touch was delicate, like the beat of a butterfly and she managed to warn Lexa and get straight to her heart and a trembling sigh escaped from her lips. The woman handed her the notebook back and this time Lexa grabbed it with trembling hands, before stepping back to put as much distance between them as possible. The teacher looked at her for a long moment, and then, without adding anything else, she walked toward the door ready to leave her alone.  
  
Before crossing the threshold she glanced over her shoulder. “If the athlete's career does not work.” she began. “You should really consider the idea of cultivating this passion. Do not let this talent be wasted, Lexa.”  
  
She gave her a last smile before leaving the room and Lexa had to sit down against the car to avoid falling on the floor for too many emotions.  
  
//  
  
  
When she reached Bellamy's car many hours after the party the following night, Lexa felt her stomach turn to the idea of the journey that was waiting for her as she got in the car. That party had been beautiful but everything she could remember at the moment was the friendship she had with the vodka that one of those boys had brought to her. It had been all an attempt to try to get Miss Griffin out of her mind, which at the moment seemed to work great, as she did not remember almost anything.   
  
She blinked a couple of times and managed to focus on Bellamy's face, though in a very precarious manner. The boy closed the door and ran on the other side to help Raven do the same. A few seconds after the car started and when the car's oscillation became too much, Lexa leaned her head against the window to try to keep her nausea under control and shut her eyes.  
  
“Lexa we're home.”  
  
Bellamy's voice stroked her ear and Lexa slowly opened her eyes frowning. “Mmh?” she murmured.  
  
“We're home.” he repeated. “Let me help you.”  
  
Bellamy helped her up and put an arm around her waist, allowing Lexa to put her head on his shoulder as they slowly drove down the driveway, followed by a shaky Raven who, despite having drunk, seemed able to walk alone. Bellamy managed to open the door at the first attempt and as quietly as possible led Lexa upstairs into her room, leaving her to Raven's care. When the boy left, Lexa dropped herself down on the bed, sinking her face into the pillow, deciding that she would not move from that position until the next day. She heard Raven move around the room but remained motionless and when the mattress moved under her, she murmured something incomprehensible.  
  
“Are you going to move from this position?” the girl asked in a husky voice when the only answer she received was that she shook her head, Lexa felt Raven sigh. “Are you going to feel bad?” Lexa shook her head again. “Then stand on your side.” she ordered, pushing her to settle on her left. “Are you sure you're okay, Lexa?”  
  
“I'm fine, Rav.” she muttered. “I just need to sleep.” she assured her.  
  
“Let me know if you have to go to the bathroom, okay?” she said.  
  
Lexa nodded slightly but her eyelids closed, dragging her into sleep.  
  
She awakened a few hours later, the mouth completely dry and her head pounding, making her understand that she was still drunk. But the urgency to go to the bathroom made her slowly descended from the bed, checking that she could remain in balance not wanting to wake up Raven to help her in something she was sure she could handle on her own. She took a few steps into the room realizing that she was able to walk in a more or less straight way. Lexa reached the bathroom with slow and measured steps, closing the door to avoid waking everyone. She took her time, then washed her hands and took a sip of water directly from the sink, not entirely sure it was drinkable but in the state of decency she did not care.  
  
When she came back to her room, she passed by Miss Griffin's room, noticing that the door was half-closed and that she could clearly see the bed from her position. She stopped in the corridor, letting her eyes wander over the woman's profile and found herself bite her lower lip as she made a step toward the door. She should not have done it and if she had been sober, certain she would not and perhaps her common sense would surely stop her; but she was drunk and her hand leaned over the wood, slightly opening the door to get a better view.  
  
She found herself without breath and with her mouth wide open, her hungry eyes flowing into the expanse of white skin illuminated by the moon that came from the semi-open window. She swallowed and her hand trembled on the knob while her brain shouted to turn around, go away and stop behaving in that way. All Lexa could do was stare at that perfect back. Finally she resumed realizing how wrong it was and she started to close the door slowly. But the quiet creaking was almost like a gunshot and Lexa took a hand to her mouth silently praying that she had not woken the woman up, giving her the opportunity to run into her room and sink in shame.  
  
She was not so lucky.  
  
Miss Griffin jerked, probably frightened by the noise. Lexa's breath stopped and her cheeks became red and in front of her eyes, the most beautiful naked breasts appeared. Her eyes remained on the skin more than they should have, looking at their shape, the hard nipples she could clearly see even from that distance and their size... Instinctively she opened the mouth to say something, anything. She wanted to apologize, maybe give her a plausible explanation of why she was drowning in the door of her room, looking at her naked and asleep. But when she raised the head to look at the woman's face, she clashed with her flushed cheeks and her lower lip tight between her teeth.  
  
Perhaps for the alcohol still circulating in the body, perhaps because of the shame she could feel in her heart, the only thing Lexa was able to do was close the door with a loud shot. She leaned against the door, a hand resting against the chest and shortness of breath. She closed her eyes and tried to regain control of herself.  
  
She would go to hell, now she was sure of that.

 

 


	9. Strange Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where... you know what? Just brace yourselves...

_**They think I'm insane, they think my lover is strange** _   
_**But I don't have to fucking tell them anything, anything** _   
_**And I'm gonna write it all down, and I'm gonna sing it on stage** _   
_**But I don't have to fucking tell you anything, anything** _   
  
_**That's the beauty of a secret** _   
_**You know you're supposed to keep it** _   
  
  
**Strange Love**

 

A few hours later, her father's voice from the corridor woke her up and Lexa hid her face in the pillow trying to escape from that annoying noise without success. The body next to her moved and Raven's arm passed around her waist, mumbling something in her neck. Lexa readily closed her eyes hoping to be able to cope again but after a couple of minutes she gave up.  
  
“I don't want to get up.” Raven muttered.  
  
“We don't have to get up.” Lexa said, keeping her eyes closed.  
  
Even though she felt her head heavy and the headache seemed not wanting to give her rest, Lexa began to remember what had happened that morning and she opened her eyes rising abruptly, making Raven moan of discontent.  
  
“You said we did not have to get up.” she complained.  
  
Lexa did not answer, she crawled to the edge of the mattress and laid the feet on the floor, taking her mouth to cover her mouth and swallowing slowly. Her mind pictured again and again what she had seen and every time Mrs. Griffin's back appeared to her behind her closed eyelids, making her sick. The woman had always behaved so well with her, giving advice and encouraging her to fight with her nails and teeth to reach her dream and she had paid her off in the worst way. She had spied on her in a vulnerable time and she felt so guilty for it.  
  
She stood up, running the hands through her hair evaluating her options: first she should have found the courage to look in her eyes. After that, she would have had to pull out the balls and apologize for her horrible behavior. She could do it. She was basically a brave person, she could do it. She took a deep breath and grabbed the first clothes she could find before running out of the door and leaving a dazed Raven in bed. She quickly reached the bathroom and took a quick shower. She wanted to talk to Miss Griffin on her own and to do so she had to get to her before the others.  
  
When she got downstairs, she was not really surprised to find the woman and her father sitting at the breakfast table chatting quietly. When their eyes met Lexa immediately lowered her eyes to shame and almost considered the idea of going back to the room, burying herself in a pit that she would excavate for the occasion.  
  
“Breakfast?” Roan asked, standing up, the only answer he had was a little nod.  
  
When Lexa reached the table, sitting alongside the teacher, she tried to gather all the courage she had - very little - to apologize before her father came back but she did not had the time.  
  
“Here's to you, darling.” Roan said with a small smile, holding the plate in front her and sitting. “I've brought all the pieces you asked me.” he continued proudly. “What do you feel about starting to set them up today?” he asked.  
  
Lexa nodded and took a sip of juice, then she looked down at her plate and did not say one word for the rest of the meal.  
  
//  
  
Lexa spent the rest of the day in a sort of drowsiness and not just for the hangover. After breakfast she helped Roan to take all the pieces from the trunk putting them in the garage, ready to go back to work but, after a couple of failed attempts, she had surrendered to the evidence that she needed Raven to do it. When Raven had decided she was ready to face the real world - after a hearty lunch and an aspirin - they dedicated their time to the car all afternoon. Despite having something to focus on, Lexa had done nothing but feel a knot in the stomach as soon as her thoughts focused long enough on the woman she had avoided all day long.  
  
God, she was such a coward. What kind of impression would she have given the woman if she was not even able to pull out the balls and apologize as a grown up?  
  
They had been working on the car not for long but in the end both of them agreed to go to sit on the sofa, challenging Bellamy at Mario Kart. Apparently video games were the best remedy for an hangover and, after a couple of games, Lexa felt her mood improving but it was just an illusion. She realized it when Miss Griffin came into the living room sitting on the chair with a book. Even if the woman did not say a word, Lexa felt rather overwhelmed by her presence in the room but decided to focus on the challenge that was happening in the living room.  
  
“You will not win this time Blake!” Raven growled holding firmly the joystick and pressing the accelerator to allow Mario to overtake the boy's character.  
  
Lexa giggled from her position because of that competitive demonstration but she jumped when Raven slammed her fist on the coffee table.  
  
“It is not possible you fucking ass-”  
  
The sentence was interrupted when Raven's eyes turned to the woman who, sitting on the chair, looked up to make sure that everything was in order. Raven clutched her fists and took a deep breath, aware that she could not let those words go with Miss Griffin in the room.  
  
“I cannot believe you have this blatant luck.” she said. “I want a rematch.”  
  
“It's Lexa's turn.” Bellamy said shaking his shoulders.  
  
Lexa saw Miss Griffin slowly rise from her position, she close the book and headed to the kitchen. That was her chance, so she stood as well. “I'll give my turn to Raven.” she said. “I'm going to get some drinks, do you want something?”  
  
They both shook their heads and Raven picked up the joystick and settled comfortably on the couch ready for the second round.  
  
“Are you ready to be crushed again, Reyes?”  
  
“In your dreams, Blake!”  
  
Lexa left the living room with small steps, taking deep breaths and pronouncing the speech in her mind. When she crossed the kitchen threshold, Miss Griffin was looking out of the window, a glass of juice in her hands. Feeling watched, she turned and Lexa felt her heart begin to beat faster but she decided that it was time to throw every fear behind her. She stepped forward with sweaty hands and a big knot that was preventing her from talking, so she cleared her throat.  
  
“I...” she began with a weak voice. “I'm so so-”  
  
Again her father's timing was awful. The back door opened with a thud and Roan made his entrance, dirty face and a big smile printed on the lips. Instinctively, Lexa stepped back putting distance between her and the teacher, while her father made his way into the kitchen directed to the fridge.  
  
“I looked at the car's tires.” he began grabbing a bottle of water. “I think it is better if we change them and I thought we could go to Johnny’s.” he said. “He has known our family for years now, I'm sure he would make us a good price, especially if I tell him we are resetting Daniel Woods's old Corvette. He was in love with that car.” he finished, taking a long sip.  
  
Lexa took a small breath and the only thing she could do was nod. “I think it's a great idea, dad.”  
  
“Well, then give me time for a shower.” Roan said. “Do you think you will be ready in an hour? Ask Raven if she wants to come with us.”  
  
“D-do you want me to come too?” she asked confused.  
  
“Don't you want to be involved in the renovation of your new car?” he asked. “And Johnny hasn't seen you since you were a baby, I'm sure he would be happy to see you. But if you don't want to, I can go with Rav-”  
  
“No, no!” Lexa shook her head. “I'll be ready in an hour.”  
  
“Tonight, we'll go out for dinner.” he said leaning to kiss Lexa's forehead. “Do you think you can prepare yourself in two hours, Clarke?” Roan teased her, earning a little laugh.  
  
“I'm not the one who takes at least half an hour to choose what to wear.” she replied, looking at him with amused eyes.  
  
Lexa observed that exchange of jokes in silence and finally gave up to the evidence that she would not apologize, at least not at that moment, not with her father who seemed to have forgotten his shower.  
  
So with a little sigh she turned around and left the kitchen.  
  
//  
  
When the door opened sometime later, Lexa had not risen the face from the pillow for all that time. She did not know how much she had been in the room but when Raven's hand gently touched her back she could not avoid sighing. That day seemed like a bad nightmare and her headache made things even worse, so much that she had almost thought about telling her father to postpone the visit to Johnny for the next day.  
  
“I’ve never thought I would have ever seen Alexandra Woods falling so hard for someone like this.”  
  
At those words Lexa finally came out of her shelter to look at her, frowned eyebrows and a confused look. What she received in return was a little laugh and a shrug of shoulders, while Raven lay at her side.  
  
“I know you have a crush on Miss Griffin.” she said simply, brushing a lock of hair from her face.  
  
“Wh-no!” she said, sitting up, fear in the eyes.  
  
“Lexa, relax.” she said with a laugh, before putting the hands behind her head. “I think half of the school has a crush on Miss Griffin, have you seen her?” when Raven saw that her friend did not seem ready to answer, she leaned over to take her hand. “Really, Lexa, it's all right.”  
  
"D-I have to go get ready." She said simply crawling on the mattress and taking the clothes she had set up on the chair.  
  
She did not feel ready to tell her about the intensity of feelings she actually felt for Miss Griffin, not after what had happened that morning. The looks Raven threw at her just before she left the room made Lexa understand that she would not have to talk about something she did not want to talk about. After having showered and changed, Lexa tied her hair in a ponytail and put the dirty clothes in the basket under the sink before opening the door, praying that Raven had understood her need for isolation and did not insist on asking her questions she did not want to answer.  
  
She was starting to become restless and the awareness that she hasn't spoken to Miss Griffin yet made everything worse. In all the time they had spent in that house they never struggled to find ways of being alone and talk, that day, however, she did not seem to have any chance of doing that and it was so frustrating. The stroke of luck came when she saw the woman climbing the stairs probably to go in her room. With Raven and her father locked in their rooms, Bellamy downstairs still playing Mario Kart, Lexa realized that that would be her only chance. She approached her quickly and Miss Griffin jumped out of fear when she saw her appear from around the corner.  
  
“I did not want to frighten you” Lexa said. “I just wanted...”  
  
The sound of a door opening made her move instinctively: her hand closed on the woman's wrist and, without saying a single word, she dragged her into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. Only when her gaze crossed the woman's, she realized what she had just done. Here's another thing to add to a long list of excuses she was supposed to do.  
  
“I'm sorry to have dragged you here but it's all day I'm looking for a way to talk to you.” she said. “I need to apologize for what happened this morning, I-I feel a worm.” she continued, lowering her gaze. “I was drunk and I know it is not an excuse but I'm really so sorry for what I did.”  
  
When she saw that the woman did not answer, Lexa raised her face again to sink into her wonderful blue eyes.  
  
“It's all right, Lexa.” she assured her.  
  
“I want you to know that if I hadn’t been drunk, I would have never invaded your privacy in that way, ever.” she continued.  
  
"Lexa you spent all day rubbing your head.” she said. “It was quite obvious that you had more drink than you could bear. It's all right, I know you would never do anything-"  
  
Lexa leaned her finger on her lips, stopping the words, hearing steps from the other side of the door, sign that someone was crossing the hall. Someone that would probably find it strange that their were in the bathroom together. What was even stranger to Lexa was the sensation of Miss Griffin's lips moving on her fingers, making her turn the face to look at her. The steps in the hallway began to resonate louder in her brain, as the rhythm of her heartbeat. Her breath stopped in her throat when she saw in those blue eyes a feeling Lexa would never have thought she could see, at least not addressed to her: _desire._  
  
Lexa took her finger away from her lips and despite the disbelief she took a step forward, almost completely sure she would soon wake up in her bed alone and not in the company of the woman of her dreams that was staring at her as… in fact Lexa was not really sure how to call that look. She felt the woman's hands stroke hers and suddenly the distance between their bodies decreased dramatically.  
  
“Lexa ...”  
  
The hoarse and deep voice caused Lexa to lose control completely. That control that had been hanging to a thin thread since Lexa had seen her naked that morning. That control she had struggled to keep in her hands since the first moment she had met her. And Lexa realized in that moment that the one in front of her was no longer Miss Griffin. Those eyes filled with desire, the shortness of breath, her lips parted in a sweet invitation and trembling hands, all of that belonged to Clarke. Lexa groaned at the thought but that gave her the push she needed to finally close the distance between them.  
  
The kiss was unexpected but explosive.  
  
Lexa felt adrenaline running along the whole body and when Clarke's arms tightened around her neck to draw her closer, she could not control the next move. She pushed her back and Clarke groaned when Lexa raised her to lean her on the cabinet, still kissing her lips as that was the only important thing in the world. When Clarke opened her legs to make room for her, the noise of shampoo bottles and brushes that hit the floor forced Lexa to let her go.  
  
“Damn.” she swore watching the chaos they had done.  
  
Before she could even think of picking them up, Clarke pulled her back to herself for an even more fiery kiss and Lexa felt her head spinning so she had to tighten Clarke's hips firmly to prevent from falling back. The tongues began to seek each other and Clarke shrugged her legs around Lexa's waist, drawing her closer. Lexa ran her fingers down her belly almost with fear and reverence, while her mouth moved to that white neck eager to taste the skin that had always obsessed her.  
  
Clarke took her hands and drove them slowly up to the shoulder straps of her summer dress. That was a silent invitation.  
  
An offer Lexa felt obliged to answer: slipping the straps on her shoulders, she could not hold back a moan when her eyes were in front of the naked skin she had had a taste a few hours before. She looked up and the only consent she needed was the way Clarke was biting her lower lip and Lexa decided to explore her with her mouth. Biting and sucking every inch of skin that she could reach before closing her lips on the nipple, being rewarded by a groan of pleasure while Clarke's fingers slipped into Lexa's hair to hold her. When the teeth scratched the delicate skin, the woman's hips moved forward, allowing her to feel the wetness between her thighs.  
  
She was soaked.  
  
Lexa felt her head spinning at that thought and shifted her mouth to the other nipple as Clarke scratched her back, encouraging her to move with more voracity on her chest. From that moment on there was no way to stop the fire that started burning with such force and Lexa moved her hands along her hips to grab the edges of the skirt, eager to feel how much Clarke was actually ready for her. She paused for a moment, making sure Clarke agreed, earning just a small and imperceptible nod and Lexa rolled up the skirt. She took a deep breath when her fingers touched the wetness on her underwear and she had to remove the mouth from that wonderful breasts to regain control of herself. Immediately Clarke's hands cupped her face, forcing her to put her forehead against hers and Lexa felt sucked by her eyes.  
  
When the hips moved towards her fingers, Lexa realized that there was no way to go back. Still with her eyes fixed in Clarke's, looking for any kind of second thoughts, slowly she pulled to the side the fabric of her panties and ran her finger along the length of Clarke’s slit. Lexa closed her eyes for a second at that wonderful feeling and she swore that she saw fireworks behind her closed eyelids, in sync with Clarke's broken breath that crashed on her lips.  
  
She felt the woman's hands tighten her back, taking her t-shirt between her fists and Lexa moved her fingers down. Lexa wanted to take her time to explore it, to discover all the little noises that she could trigger as her fingers explored the hidden treasure but there was no time. She knew perfectly well that she was already in a rather risky situation and as long as Lexa wanted that moment to last forever she knew she could not do it. She slipped two fingers inside her, tearing a loud moan while her legs tightened with more force around her hips. She took a few seconds to enjoy the feeling of her walls and muscles that seemed determined to suck her, before she started moving.  
  
With her forehead against hers, Lexa set a fast and deep rhythm, looking at Clarke's face each time her fingers touched the right spot inside her. She was one of the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen and the way Clarke's body responded to her touch was driving her crazy making her forget where they were. She worried about it for a second when she heard the cabinet begin to crawl under the power of her pushing when the other objects began to fall one by one on the floor, snatching her from the spell of Clarke's eyes. Lexa could not worry about it further, especially when she felt Clarke's muscles tighten her fingers showing her how close she was. She lowered the face back toward her chest and sucked one nipple, increasing the speed, feeling a shiver running on her back when she heard the uncontrolled groan leaving Clarke's lips.  
  
“Lexa?”  
  
Roan's voice and the knocking on the door broke the spell and Lexa raised her head stopping any movement. Instinctively, Lexa put her palm on Clarke's mouth to stop any kind of noise, giving her an indecipherable look and praying that her father did not decide to forget his good manners and open the door.  
  
“Y-yes?” she asked hoarsely.  
  
“Me and Raven are ready, we're waiting for you at the car.”  
  
Lexa nodded before realizing that the man could not see her and when she was about to answer, she opened her eyes wild pointing them on Clarke, who had tightened her inner muscles and began to move slowly on her fingers.  
  
“Okay-” she replied, observing the waving of Clarke's hips that were getting faster and faster. “I'll be there in five minutes!” she assured while the thumb began to touch her clit.  
  
The only answer she received was her father's footsteps moving away and, unable to control herself, she began to move in sync with Clarke's hips, pushing harder and deeper. She did not take her hand away from her mouth aware that if she did the noises would be their end. Clarke threw her head back while her body stiffened and her muscles sucked Lexa's fingers. Lexa could no longer move her wrist but she kept stroking her clit in slow circles, stopping Clarke's silent cry against her palm and watching her come with the force of a hurricane. Lexa held her all the time and when she was sure no noise could betray them, she let her mouth go. Clarke slowly opened her eyes: her face was red and sweaty and when her lips stood in a tired smile, the only thing Lexa could do was lean over to catch them.  
  
They deserved a moment and Lexa hoped that it could last forever.

 

 

 


	10. Coming Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where they talk...

  _ ***I found God**_  
 _ **I found him in a lover**_  
 _ *** I found the Devil**_  
 _ **I found him in a lover**_  
 _ *** I've got a lover**_  
 _ **A love like religion**_  
 _ *** I've got a lover**_  
 _ **And I'm unforgiven**_  
 _ **I'm such a fool to pay this price**_  
  
  
 **Coming Down**

 

 The holiday had almost come to an end and Lexa had never wanted to go home so much. She still remembered the whims that she used to do when, as a child, her father started to put all the suitcases in the trunk, but in that moment she would have given anything to go home early. It would not be long, the departure was the next day in the late afternoon but the last days had been a torture for her. What happened in the bathroom had only haunted her and seeing the frantic way in which the days went by, she and Clarke had not been able to talk about it. There had been glances at dinner that same evening and at the breakfast table but there were not night meetings or moments alone anymore.  
  
Lexa did not know what to think.  
  
She knew that what had happened was probably justa moment of passion, something Clarke could not control and probably wanted to forget but for her it was not that simple. When she closed her eyes she could still smell her skin, the taste of her kisses, the way that body, on which she had fantasized for months, had responded to her touch and the power of her orgasm. She remembered the sensation of those muscles that sucked her fingers, how her body had trembled in her arms or the amazing way with which she kept moving despite her father was out the door. The thoughts were interrupted by Raven's movement and Lexa found herself slipping toward the bottom of the mattress, taking a hand to her face and holding back a sigh. Her brain was a tangle of sensation, memories and thoughts that she could not drive off. In the past few days she had slept for a few hours and never consecutively, every time she closed her eyes what had happened was repeated in a loop again and again.  
  
She stood up aware that she could no longer stay in that room and quickly wore a pair of shorts and tank top before slipping silently out of the room. She walked slowly down the hall and her gaze turned to Clarke's door, forcing her to stop and bite the lower lip. She could not explain what caused her to go through the distance or what convinced her to knock on the door. She knew deeply that she needed to see her or at least talk to her, even though Lexa was not sure what to say. When the door opened, Lexa felt her heart lose a beating, finding herself swallowed in front of Clarke wearing a simple long t-shirt that covered her up just above her ass cheek. She opened her mouth a couple of times, trying to articulate something, anything, but no word came out.  
  
“I'm so glad you're here.” Clarke whispered.  
  
Before Lexa could answer, Clarke pulled her into the room, crushing her back against the close door. “Clar-”  
  
She could not finish the sentence, Clarke's lips closed on her, ending any kind of response. So Lexa could only close her eyes and let herself go.  
  
//  
  
After a few hours she was still in the bed, staring at the ceiling while Clarke was showing her back where Lexa could clearly see red marks on her white skin. It should have surprised her how natural that scenario was, adding a nice dose of confusion in her mind. When Lexa had knocked on the door, that was not her intent but when Clarke had kissed her with such desperation and passion, she had melted under her fingers. Her body felt light and satisfied. The two hours they had spent in the middle of those sheets had been a continuous discovery and she still could not believe the way Clarke had let herself go, giving her body and allowing her, at least for two hours, to read inside of her. Lexa turned her head when she felt the woman move. The kiss came slowly but completely unexpected, Lexa slipped her fingers into her blonde locks to keep her closer  
  
“You should go.” Clarke murmured on her lips.  
  
“We should talk.” Lexa said.  
  
Clarke bit her lower lip before sliding to the bottom of the bed to grab the underwear and her shirt. Lexa raised on an elbow, observing her movements before realizing that the woman was not inclined to speak even though it was obvious that they needed to.   
  
“I just want to understand.” she continued, following her example and getting up to pick up the underwear.  
  
“Lexa...”  
  
“I know that for you it is not the same thing, m-maybe this doesn't mean anything to you but I need to understand, Clarke.”  
  
“That's not true.” Clarke said, shaking her head. “It means something and that's the problem.”  
  
Lexa quickly wore her underwear and stared at her, trying to figure out her gaze, frowning when she saw the torment in her blue eyes.  
  
“It's bad when you want something you cannot have, Lexa.” she finally said, running an hand in her hair. “And it all becomes too hard when you know that this forbidden thing becomes so important that you, th-that you cannot even get it out of your head.”  
  
“And who says you have to?” Lexa asked with a small voice approaching her. “I'm in, I want it. I want you.” she said the last sentence with a trembling voice.   
  
“It's not that easy.”  
  
Lexa did not answer. She took Clarke's face in her hands, caressing the cheeks with her thumbs. “I'm here, Clarke, I'm here for you. Touch me, I'm here.” she took her hand leaning on her chest.  
  
“Lexa... please.”   
  
“I want to be with you.”  
  
“That's not how it works, I'm in a dangerous position and as much as I want it, there are things that go beyond our control.” Clarke’s hand caressed her cheek with tenderness. “You're still so young and-”  
  
“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked taking a step back to move away from her. “Do you think I cannot understand what I want just because I'm young?”  
  
“This is not what I meant.” she replied. “In a couple of months you will meet someone who will be worth much more attention than me, Lexa.” she said with a sigh. “You still have a world in front of you, why would you want someone like me when you could have anyone you want?”  
  
“But I don't want anyone else, I want you!”  
  
Lexa saw her jump and stepped away when Clarke tried to reach her. Those words did not make any sense and she had no intention of listening to her talking nonsense, so she grabbed the rest of her clothes.  
  
“It's all too complicated.”  
  
“It did not seem so complicated two hours ago.” she said with a loud voice, putting on her shorts. “Just tell me one thing, Miss Griffin.” she called her like that on purpose. “All of this it was just for fun?”  
  
“No, of course not, Lexa!” she answered instantly.  
  
They stared at each other for a long moment, Lexa could clearly see all the vulnerability in her blue eyes and the anger she had felt so far began to evaporate.  
  
“I have desired you for so long.” Clarke began with a trembling voice. “And I fought hard against this attraction but this holiday has only shown to me the wonderful woman you are.” she continued. “But it's all so complicated, Lexa. I'm your teacher, then your age is and If this comes out -”  
  
“I will not say anything to anyone.” Lexa swore, feeling her eyes dampened.  
  
“I know, but you're not the problem, Lexa, it's the rest of the world.” Clarke cupped her face. “Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?”  
  
Lexa nodded slowly. “I understand but this doesn't make it less painful.”  
  
Clarke did not reply, she leaned forward, joining their lips and Lexa dropped her defenses tightly, losing herself in what she was sure to be their last kiss. When they parted, Clarke brushed her nose with hers in a gesture of tenderness and the tears they both tried to hold up so far began to slide on their faces.  
  
Lexa had never felt as lost as at that moment.  
  
//  
  
Lexa spent the rest of her night on the dock, tears on her cheeks and the gaze lost to the stars, while Clarke's words kept bouncing back and forth into her mind. She had known from the beginning that this would be an impossible relationship, to be honest she would never have expected that her crush would take that path. She had spent the last few hours wondering if she had done well to let that blind passion go, realizing how stupid it was and how complicated it had been. With that thought in her head she had fallen asleep on the dock, careless of the cold and hard wood against her back. She woke up hours later when the sun had begun to caress her skin forcing her to return home and begin what for sure would be a long day. When she came back into the room, she wondered if Raven was already awake trying to fix her suitcase.  
  
“Good morning," her friend greeted her. “You woke up really early.”  
  
Lexa nodded slightly but did not answer and Raven did not comment on the fact that she was wearing clothes not really proper for a morning walk. Lexa walked through the room and grabbed her clothes decided to take a shower and stopped instantly when Raven's hand closed on her wrist, forcing her to look up. There was no need for words, Raven's eyes dug into her and Lexa swallowed, trying to control her emotions and failing miserably. The tears began to run on her cheeks again but this time there were the arms of her best friend tied around her and Lexa founded herself letting go, sobbing into her neck and holding on to her shoulders.  
  
“I'm here.” Raven whispered in her hair. “I'm here.”  
  
Lexa thanked her silently for not asking the reason for her tears but she was sure Raven had understood. She held her tight for an endless time, even after the sobs were stopped and when Raven whispered in her ear that she loved her, Lexa knew it was time to get back on her feet. The morning was a sort of numbness for her. Raven helped her with the suitcase before going out for a walk and, despite her protests, her friend had forced her to eat something. Then they sited in the shade of a tree, Lexa's head on Raven's legs while she was caressing her hair.  
  
When they went back home, just in time for the departure, Lexa sighed with relief at the idea of being able to drive her own car and not be forced to sit with her father for long hours. Lexa settled both luggages in the booth while Raven fed her obsession, checking that the car was ready to go on the road. She was about to get into the driving position when her eyes crossed Clarke's, taking her breath away for a moment. She saw the small dark circles under her eyes and the sadness inside them and the way she was nervously biting her lower lip.  
  
What they had talked about the night before, had put an end to their brief but intense encounter. Lexa was old enough to understand the woman's words and all the obstacles that that relationship would have meant, especially for Clarke but this did not stop her from feeling broken inside. As Lexa stepped into the car, she gave her a small smile before closing the door, nodding at Raven that was time to leave.   
  
The car started to move, putting a lot of distance between her, the lake house and the woman of her dreams, forcing Lexa to fight against the sadness that began to strain her. When Raven's hand leaned over hers, which was leaning against the stick shift, Lexa realized that although nothing would ever be the same, she was not alone.  
  
And never she would have been.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if this was sad, I hope it was realistic.
> 
> Things in life are complicated but don't lose hope and trust me :P


	11. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where finally Raven and Lexa talk

 

_**'Cause I've done some things that I can't speak** _   
_**And I tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave** _   
_**So won't you take a breath and dive in deep?** _   
_**'Cause I came here so you'd come for me** _   
  
**Haunting**

 

 

The rest of the summer had passed quickly; or better, Lexa had tried to spend it as quickly as possible. She had begun to go out more often with Bellamy and his friends, neglecting - perhaps too much - Raven and their friendship. Her friend's sight, however, always reminded Lexa of the way she had collapsed in her arms and especially the reason _why_ she had collapsed. She was doing her best to avoid thinking about what had happened with Clarke and the only way to do this was to keep the mind busy. Although Bellamy had not given up on the evidence that nothing could ever happen between them, Lexa had in any case begun to appreciate his presence. The boy had proved to be a great distraction, as well as going to parties and drinking.   
  
But when night fell and she found herself lying in bed alone, the images of her and Clarke began to come back to her mind like a color film, reminding Lexa that it did not matter what she did during the day, the memories would always come back to haunt her. Often she found herself thinking of being persecuted and that she might have been forever. The experience with Clarke had been wonderful, something that would change her life forever and for her it was not just an experience but something deeper. Even after two months Lexa still remembered how Clarke's body felt in her hands, the smell of her hair, the taste of her skin and the way she gasped her pleasure in ecstasy. The first days had passed in a sort of limbo, reliving everything again and again, trying to find the best way to move forward.  
  
When Bellamy unexpectedly wrote her a text inviting her to a party - party that she used not to go - she had found herself happy to accept. It had been very strange at first, she found herself surrounded by a lot of people - much more than she could bear - but when Bellamy had come to rescue her, offering her one drink after another, she had relaxed considerably starting to enjoy the party. From that moment on, accepting the boy's invitations had become a habit, as well as awakening on the floor of an unknown house with a throbbing head and an empty heart. That morning had been the same, when she woke in bed with a perfect stranger, it didn't took long before she realized what had happened. A few minutes after having resumed her mental faculties, she got dressed wearing her shirt and, unable to find her own trousers, she took a random pair in the pile abandoned in the chair. She did the walk of shame with the early morning sun accompanying her and when she had crossed the threshold she had not even managed to look at her father.   
  
She had locked herself in the room and took a shower, barely holding back the tears under the hot water. When Roan left and the house had sunk into absolute silence, Lexa had come down to the kitchen for having some breakfast and it was there that she had thought to leave. The school was about to start in a week and she needed to buy all the materials, so she decided that the best choice was to spend the morning at the mall. Lexa had not been surprised to find it crowded and despite her solitary nature she had enjoyed the bustle, - that helped her not to think about the wrong choices she had made in recent times – so she sent a text to Raven and asked her to spend the afternoon together.   
  
Given the horrible way in which she treated her in the past few months, putting their commitments off many times, Lexa had not expected that Raven would accepted in less than half an hour. She was not surprised to be treated coldly as they walked with their shopping cart full of school supplies, or the fact that Raven had not looked at her in the eyes once. Lexa certainly could not blame her, she had behaved inexcusably and Raven had been all too sympathetic to her. She sighed softly as she grabbed a bundle of pens and one of pencils, dropping them into the cart.  
  
“Are you going to ignore the huge elephant in the room or you're gonna pull out your balls and explain to me why you acted like a heartless bitch by cutting me out of your life without a word?”  
  
Lexa looked down guilty. “We can pay for these things and go get us something to drink, so I'll explain.” she said. “I-if you want.” she added a little hesitantly.  
  
The only answer she received was a sign before Raven started walking again. After paying all their items, they took a seat at one of the free tables and ordered something to drink, Raven began to beat the fingers on the wood, ripping off a small sigh from Lexa's lips.  
  
“I'm so sorry.”  
  
That was the first thing she felt obliged to tell but when she clashed against Raven's silence and her raised eyebrow, Lexa knew she had to give her some more explanation.  
  
“I'm sorry I didn't write to you and that I cut you off.” she continued. “These weeks were difficult, especially after what happened at the lake and I temporarily lost my mind?”  
  
“Temporarily?” her friend asked.  
  
“Raven...”  
  
“No, Lexa, let's put an end to the stupid things, okay?” she said a little annoyed. “You lied to me.” she stopped just to allow the waitress to put the things on the table. “I always thought that our bond went beyond any kind of prejudice, that after all we've been through, you've trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”  
  
“I trust you, Raven, more than you can imagine, but-”  
  
“There's no but.” the girl said, putting the sugar in her coffee. “You allowed me to make love to you for months, letting me possess you physically, emotionally and mentally but not enough to tell me about your crush?”  
  
Lexa bit her lower lip at those words and realized that the only way to reacquire Raven's trust was to tell her the whole truth. She had come to the conclusion that keeping everything for herself would not have helped and she missed her friend more than she had wanted to admit.   
  
“You're right, I did not tell you the whole truth.” Lexa said, finally swallowing. “I preferred to keep this little secret in my heart in the hope to forget it but I realized that it does nothing but make me suffer.”  
  
Unexpectedly, Raven's hand rested on hers and Lexa smiled to notice that despite her unseemly behavior, her friend was still willing to listen. Lexa decided to tell her everything and she did it, freeing the weight that oppressed her chest and letting a couple of tears run down her cheeks. An hour later with less weight on the shoulders and Raven's hot body pressed against her, Lexa was staring at the window in front of her with great interest, wondering how her father would react if she showed up at home with a beautiful tattoo. She bit her lower lip while the perfect tattoo was painted in her mind and jumped when Raven took her hand, dragging her toward the entrance.  
  
“Raven wai-”  
  
Raven pressed the lips against hers to stop her complain. It was not a passionate or sensual kiss but just a way to stop her words, the only way Raven knew to keep her from talking. “We're getting a tattoo.” she said. “Then you will take me to your house, we'll order Chinese and you will tell me all the details about what happened on _that_ bathroom counter.”  Lexa felt her cheeks turn red and before she could object, Raven dragged both of them into the shop, calling the boy's attention to the counter. “We want a tattoo.” she said with a big smile.  
  
The boy looked at her from head to toe. “Are you of age?”  
  
“Of course!” and before the guy could say anything else, she slipped the driver license onto the counter, giving Lexa a shove to do the same thing.  
  
“Okay, take a seat, Johnny will be out in five minutes.” he said after checking their age. “Do you already have in mind what to do? If you're not on the table you will find notebooks with photos. You can take inspiration from there.”  
  
Raven nodded and grabbed one of the notebooks starting to leaf through it to find the perfect tattoo, Lexa smiled knowing exactly what she wanted.  
  
//  
  
Her father had not been completely enthusiastic about the tattoo on her right arm but even if he had not approved Roan didn't said anything about it, believing that Lexa was mature enough to make her own decisions. When swimming training was resumed, her coach on the other hand, had not been as polite and expressed her disappointment in a very colorful way but it did not matter to Lexa. Things with Raven had settled and, even if their relationship had not returned to the physical side, they had started talking about everything and Lexa had felt the weight on her go away. The last week had passed quietly, Bellamy had invited her to the last party before school began and she and Raven had gone together, ready to greet the long summer evenings and welcoming the days in which they would be full of books and studying.   
  
Crossing again those big metal doors was strange. Lexa could not believe it was the first day of her last year of high school, the one that would inevitably lead to the end of an era and the beginning of a fabulous new adventure. In those nine months she would have had to give her best to build what, like it or not, could have been the beginning of a bright future. She crossed the hall with her head held high, greeting everyone with small smiles and nods, heading for what would be her locker for the rest of the year. She dialed the combination and began to empty the shoulder bag, hung her jacket - where the school symbol stood out - before attaching the lesson sheet to the metal and observing what was the first of that year.

_Literature.  
  
_ She bit her lower lip and took a deep breath, trying to gather the courage she needed to face Miss Griffin. It had been several weeks since the discussion they had and Raven had been very helpful, listening to her doubts and giving her the right advice. She was ready to go back to normal. She could do it.  
  
"Did you hear the news?"  
  
Lexa jumped in surprise and put an hand on her chest. “Damn it, Rav!” she said, closing the locker. “One of these days I'll have to buy you a collar so I'll always know when you get close.”  
  
Raven bit her lower lip with a mischievous face. “Will I have to call you mistress then?”  
  
“ _Raven.”_ she warned, rolling her eyes. “What news?” she asked as they started to  walk to class.  
  
“We will not have Miss Griffin as a teacher this year.” she said.  
  
Lexa stopped in the middle of the hall, her body rigid while a knot formed in her stomach. “W-why?”  
  
Raven sighed softly shrugging. “I don't know the details.” she began. “But apparently she resigned a couple of weeks ago and the rumors said that today with the return of the principal she'll come and sign the documents and get all of her things.”  
  
Lexa felt her heart tighten in a painful grip at the realization that Clarke had quit her job. A job that even if it was no longer her dream, was something she liked. The thought that it might have been her fault and what had happened between them took her breath away.  
  
“Lexa hey, calm down.”  
  
Promptly Raven put a hand on her arm when she saw Lexa begin to shake, before anyone could ask unwanted questions, she dragged her into the first class she could find. “I don't not know if the rumors are true but I think she simply accepted another job offer.” she explained, taking her face. “It has nothing to do with what happened between you two.”  
  
“You cannot be sure.” she answered in a whisper. “What if she had left the job because of me?”  
  
“Stop referring to what happened to you with the word guilt, Lexa.” Raven said, stroking her cheeks with the thumbs. “You both wanted it and it happened, there's nothing wrong.”  
  
Lexa nodded slowly trying to remember what her last lesson of the day was, because she would have made sure to intercept Clarke and talk to her, she needed to understand the reason for that choice. “I don't even have her phone number.” she said wide-eyed. “I cannot even write to her because I don't have her number, Raven. H-How can I ask her what happened if I don't have her number?”  
  
Raven shook her head and gave her a small kiss on the lips trying to stop the river of words, she smiled slightly as she felt Lexa relax in her arms and held her tight until the bell reminded to both of them that it was time to go to class. What should have been a wonderful first day has been a slow and inexorable drag back and forth through the halls, hoping that the end of the day would come as soon as possible.  
  
When even the last of the lessons ended, causing students to head to their extracurricular activities, Lexa stuffed the things in her shoulder bag and went straight to the door. She ran along the distance that separated her from the principal's office in the hope of crossing Clarke and maybe being able to exchange a few words. When she turned the corner she saw Clarke tighten the principal's hand, a box placed under her arm and a small smile painted on her lips.  
  
She was late.  
  
Her jaw tightened and her eyes felt moist and it was when the principal opened the door to let her pass that their eyes met. Lexa swallowed and hesitantly raised a hand to greet her, she felt her heart spinning when she saw Clarke smile lightly and return the greeting. When she saw Clarke's back disappearing through the doorway, she had to close herself in the bathroom regardless of the fact that she was supposed to go train.  
  
It was there that Raven found her a few hours later and when Lexa woke up the next morning, she did not even remember how she had managed to get home safely.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news, the chapters are all correct, so you will have them every week on time!


	12. Gasoline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where they see each other again and Clarke take a step forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update is a day early because tomorrow I'll go to Sydney for New Year's Eve, so I guess I will see you next year with the new chapter :P 
> 
> Enjoy and Happy New Year in advance! :)

_**Are you insane like me?** _   
_**Been in pain like me?** _   
_**Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?** _   
_**Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?** _   
_**Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?** _   
_**Are you deranged like me?** _   
_**Are you strange like me?** _   
_**Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?** _   
_**Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?** _   
_**Pointing fingers 'cause you'll never take the blame like me?** _   
  
**Gasoline**

 

She didn't see her again.  
  
So many times Lexa had thought about going to the Blake-Griffin house and talking to her but the fear of running into Bellamy had been too much and she stopped. It had been a month since their eyes had crossed each others in the school corridor and, if possible, Lexa had done nothing but think about her even more. Not knowing the reason for her resignation was making her completely crazy and her mood was beginning to show in a really overbearing way in her life.  
  
Even though the school had only started a month ago her yield was not the best. During the lessons her thoughts were directed elsewhere and she spent all her Mondays morning in a sort of half-sleep, trying to recover from the craziness of the weekend. Things had begun to get out of hand when her swimming performance began to suffer. The coach had set up training sessions on Sunday mornings ahead for the winter competitions and, given the way she was leading her life in recent times, Lexa had skipped most of them waking up in someone else's house. The few times she showed up, her time had been so horrible that the coach had taken her out of the pool and sent home.  
  
“Get up, now.”  
  
Her father's voice tore her from sleep and Lexa blinked a couple of times focusing on the contours of her own room. When her eyes rested on the alarm on her bedside table she jumped up, running a hand over the face trying to erase the last traces of sleep. She had not woken up and, seeing the way Roan was looking at her, she was in big trouble. Lexa tried to speak but Roan raised a hand to stop any kind of excuse and she found herself swallowing.  
  
“I'll wait for you downstairs in five minutes.” he said before leaving the room.   
  
Lexa collapsed against the pillow, her face turned to the ceiling as she tried to recompose the events of the night before, without much success. She remembered a lot of alcohol, music and her dancing with someone. She remembered that Bellamy has dropped her off and her trying to get upstairs as quietly as possible, without success and then she dropped on the floor the vases that were in the living room.  
  
“Oh God...” she whispered, putting a hand on the face.  
  
“ _Alexandria!”_  
  
At that growl Lexa slipped into the bathroom without second thoughts.  
  
After washing the face and wearing her sweatpants, the one she usually used for Sunday workouts, Lexa had reached the kitchen with a hesitant step and had taken her place at the usual stool where her father had already placed a glass of orange juice. From the corner of her eye, she saw the fragments of the vase that she had broken the night before and she lowered her gaze guilty, aware that she was in big trouble. A plate with what appeared to be salmon appeared in front of her and Lexa frowned in confusion, but before she could say anything, Roan sat down with his breakfast and gestured to eat. There was a long silence and in the end Roan let the fork go and took a sip of coffee, moving the plate away and sighing loudly.  
  
“I heard you tonight; or rather, I heard the vase breaking in the living room but I thought it was involuntary, probably because you had not turned the light on. Because I mean, I know how responsible you're.” he began.  
  
But the tone of his voice made Lexa tremble. It was a mixture of disappointment and anger, something that certainly she was not accustomed to.  
  
“Dad...” she tried to say.  
  
“So now Lexa, try to imagine my surprise when I got a call from the coach when I was at work.” he continued. “And try to imagine how I felt when she told me that you didn't show up for Sunday training for the whole month and your timing was poor since the season started.”  
  
When he saw that his daughter did not seem willing to answer, he got up to put the plate in the sink and leaned against it, watching the cars outside the window.  
  
“I just want to understand what's going on, Lexa.” Roan finally turned to look at her. “You think I didn't notice the smell of smoke? Or the nights you spent out where I'm sure you're not with Raven or your grumpy temperament?”  
  
“I want to continue.” Lexa finally said, eating some of the salmon she had on the plate. From what she remember food helped with hangover, it was one of the things her grandfather Daniel had taught her when she was young. “Swimming is my life and I want to continue.” she continued, standing up. “I'm sorry for these last few weeks, Dad, I'll be back on the right path and you will not have to worry about these things anymore-”  
  
“That's not the point, Lexa! I'm your father, I'll never stop worrying about you.” Roan interrupted. “I don't understand what's happening, I feel like there's something you're not telling me.”  
  
“There's nothing.” Lexa answered, shaking her head.  
  
Certainly she could not tell her father the reason for her behavior. Roan did not know about her homosexuality and the fact that she had a crush on Miss Griffin made it all more complicated.  
  
“I think you're keeping a secret that's destroying you piece by piece.” he replied taking a few steps toward her. “And I want you to know that you can tell me anything, I'm not some kind of monster that would not understand.”  
  
“I know, believe me, I know.” Lexa murmured. “It's complicated and I don't know-”  
  
“Lexa, I'm your father, I love you as you are.”  
  
Lexa squeezed her eyes tight as a knot blocked her throat, preventing her from saying anything. It would have been so simple to tell him the truth, to take that burden off her heart, to be able to confess what was afflicting her and to tell Roan how lost she felt.  
  
“Dad... I-” she took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears. “I like girls, I- I'm gay and-”  
  
“Shh...” Roan whispered, kissing her forehead tenderly. “I love you, baby girl and thank you for telling me."  
  
At those words the banks were completely broken, making her sob loudly in her father's neck, while Roan was tenderly stroking her back with the tips of the fingers. For the first time out of the safety of the pool Lexa felt safe, she felt loved like never before and she collapsed into the arms of the only man in her life.  
  
//  
  
After that episode Lexa realized she had to get back on her feet, that it was time to get back to where she had left off. The next morning she went to talk to the coach asking for a second chance and reassuring that the moment of madness had passed and above all it would not return. Thank God, the woman had been willing to give her a second chance. But when she left the training a few days later, she was surprised to find Bellamy waiting with a smile.  
  
“Hey, Woods.” the boy greeted with a wave of his hand.  
  
“Bellamy,” she replied, running a hand through her still wet hair. “Why are you here so late? I though your training was already finished?”  
  
“You forgot, did you?” Bellamy said, amused. “We decided to take pizza and watch the first episode of the new season of Game of Thrones at Raven's house.”  
  
Lexa closed her eyes and patted her forehead. “I completely forgot!”  
  
It would not have been a problem if her father had not asked her to have dinner with him so that they could talk about what had happened the night before. But the idea of watching the first two episodes of the new season of one of the show she was in love with her friends was extremely tempting.  
  
“Okay, I cannot come for pizza, I promised my father that I would have dinner with him.” she said. “But I will come for Game of Thrones and I'll bring the popcorn.”  
  
Bellamy smiled pulling his back away from the lockers and starting to walk down the hall talking about the training and complaining about the school. Just as they reached the car, Bellamy invited her to the first championship match that weekend, an invitation that Lexa willingly accepted. After all, she liked football, she would take Raven with her to keep it from becoming too awkward.  
  
Roan was quite understanding when she told him about the commitment she had with her friends, and after reassuring her that they would spend more time together the next day, Lexa ran upstairs to take a shower and change. When she returned, the dinner was ready and Lexa took a seat in front of her father, smiling happily. She felt that something had changed between them, probably telling him the truth had brought them closer and she was happy. Roan was all her family, one of the most important person in Lexa's life and their relationship was the only thing that was relevant in the time of her life.   
  
“So when will you invite Raven to dinner?” Roan asked from nowhere.  
  
“For dinner? Why?” Lexa asked frowning and taking a sip of water.  
  
“Well, don't you think it's time to officially introduce her as your girlfriend?”  
  
Lexa began to cough loudly and her eyes widened at the insinuation that had just come out of Roan's lips. “My girlfriend?” she asked between her gasps.  
  
“She's not your girlfriend?” he said confused. “I always thought that between you two...”  
  
“Yes, I mean no!” she replied, shaking her head. “I had a crush on her when we met but we're just friends.”  
  
“So nothing has ever happened between you? Because I had the impression that there was a good familiarity.”  
  
“ _Daddy.” s_ he groaned, her cheeks red from the insinuation.  
  
“What? I cannot be curious?”  
  
“I will not talk about these things to you.” Lexa said, returning to the dinner, hoping he would drop the subject.  
  
Roan chuckled pouring a glass of wine, observing the way Lexa tried to avoid his gaze. “I'm glad you told me about it, you know?” he finally said, resting his hand on hers; when the girl looked up, he smiled. “I'm so proud of you, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa smiled slightly. “Thanks dad, it's very important to me.” she kissed his cheek.  
  
The rest of the dinner passed between small talk.  
  
//  
  
Lexa sighed, settling more comfortably on the Blake-Griffin couch, not being able to believe how fate was against her. When she got upstairs to get the car keys and jacket, she found Bellamy's message telling her that the evening had moved to his house. Lexa had suspected that Raven, somehow, did it on purpose, so she could find a moment to talk to Clarke, something she was not sure she wanted. Lexa had spent weeks trying not to think about her, days focusing her attention on something else, night time trying to forget the taste of her skin and her kisses… she was not ready to rehash everything. At the same time, however, Lexa needed explanations. She needed to be sure Clarke had not quit her job because of what had happened between them... and she needed to hear her voice again.  
  
“Here you go!” Raven said, setting beside her with a bowl of hot popcorn.  
  
A few seconds later Bellamy appeared with a tray and after resting it on the coffee table, he grabbed the remote control and settled on the couch. He turned on the television and poured a glass of coke for all of three, waiting patiently for the beginning of the episode.  
  
“Are you ready?” Bellamy asked excitedly. “I was not expecting anything so much for a long time.”  
  
“Not even the start of the football championship?” Raven asked amused, leaning forward to take the glass.  
  
“Okay, you're right, the second thing.” he answered, amused.  
  
When the acronym began to resonate in the large living room, Bellamy ran to turn off the lights and settled back comfortably, just like the girls. When Raven rested the head on Lexa's shoulder, putting an hand into the bowl to get a handful of popcorn, Lexa relaxed, focusing her attention on the television.  
  
  
It had been almost an hour since the beginning of the episode when the door opened and footsteps tore the silence of the living room, making Lexa's heart jump in her throat when her eyes crossed Clarke's, who seemed equally surprised to see her. Lexa unconsciously bit her lower lip seeing Clarke in her jogging clothes that wrapped her perfectly and the sweat that beaded her body. They stared at each other for an interminable time and in the end Clarke smiled slightly, before disappearing upstairs probably to leave them alone.  
  
“Breathe.” Raven murmured because she could clearly feel her heart beating wildly under the palm of her hand.  
  
Lexa took a small sigh and closed her eyes trying to calm her emotions.  
  
  


“We should go.” Raven said, putting a hand to her mouth to hold back a yawn.  
  
“I'm going to put these away and get the jackets.” Lexa said standing up.  
  
She wanted to go home too, the tardiness of the day was beginning to be felt and she really needed to lie down and rest. Bellamy turned off the television as she carried bowl and glasses into the kitchen, not quite surprised to see Clarke sitting at the counter eating something. Without saying a word, she approached the sink to put the glasses down and when she turned, the woman was looking at her.  
  
“Hey.” Clarke greeted her with a small smile.  
  
“Hi.” Lexa replied in a faint voice, almost afraid to say something wrong.  
  
“How are you?” they said together.  
  
Clarke chuckled, wiping her mouth and Lexa put a hand behind her neck then she nodded to let her speak first. “I'm fine, thanks.” she said. “And you?”  
  
“I'm fine.” she answered with all the sincerity she was capable of.  
  
Lexa could not tell her that it had been a difficult time and that she had spent almost all of it trying to get her out of her mind.  
  
“I'm happy to hear that.” Clarke murmured standing up to put away the things.  
  
Silence fell and Lexa realized that she probably would not get any more and she had no idea how to introduce the subject she wanted to discuss, so after making a fool of herself, she grabbed the jackets. Lexa stopped on the threshold just to glance at the woman who was doing the same thing.  
  
“Good night, Clarke.”  
  
“Good night, Lexa.” she said in a whisper.  
  
Lexa reached the living room with a heart full of pain but she put a smile on her lips not to worry Raven and she gave her the jacket, before wearing hers with fast movements. Lexa really needed to get out of that house; it was as if she suddenly felt the air fail and thank God Bellamy escorted them to the door.  
  
“Thanks for your hospitality.” she said, giving him a quick hug. “See you tomorrow.”  
  
Raven just gave him a kiss on the cheek and took the keys out of Lexa's hands, walking quickly down the driveway toward the car. Bellamy rolled his eyes amused and Lexa shrugged with a smile.  
  
“You know how intractable she becomes when she's tired.”  
  
“Don't worry, Lexa, it's been a long day for everyone.” he reassured her. “Good night, Lexa, see you tomorrow.”  
  
“Goodnight, Bell.”   
  
Lexa went down the porch steps, putting a hand in her jacket pocket to grab the phone and her fingers touched something completely different: a piece of paper. Frowning, she pulled it out to and her heart stopped for a moment, noting the elegant calligraphy.  
  
“ __ **C.G: 212 - 99 20 85 94** ”  
  
Now she had a phone number to write to and that thought made her smile. The smile remained printed on her lips all the way to Raven's house, while she was wearing pajamas and while she was slipping into bed. Before turning off the light, Lexa put the number into the phone so she could get rid of the note and then she closed the eyes with a small sigh of happiness.

  
  
  


 


	13. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lexa finally uses Clarke's phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still off from work so I'm update again one day before because I will go to Melbourne for 4 days :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

_**I'm bigger than my body** _ **  
** _**I'm colder than this home** _ **  
** _**I'm meaner than my demons** _ **  
** _**I'm bigger than these bones** _ **  
** _**And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"** _ **  
** _**I can't help this awful energy** _ **  
** _**God damn right, you should be scared of me** _ **  
** _**Who is in control?** _ ****  
  
  


**Control**

  
Lexa rubbed her wet hair with the towel, swaying to the sound of the music coming out of the speaker she had placed on the desk. She had recently returned from training and she had a quick shower to gain some time before starting to prepare dinner for herself. She wore a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, heading downstairs with the phone in her hand. She immediately took the pan from the cabinet and placed it on the stove, pouring out a generous amount of oil before lighting the flame and then she opened the fridge to grab some eggs. It was not the healthiest dinner in the world, especially at that time of night, but she was very hungry and wanted something greasy and tasty. She broke the shell and smiled at the noise of the egg coming in contact with the hot oil. She settled the table and poured a glass of water; then she leaned forward to grab the phone to change the song but it vibrated in her hand making her jump.  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **I was thinking of hiring a cook, the fact that I have to cook my dinner every night is getting heavy.  
  
**_ Lexa could not help but giggle at those words and she took her time to cut the tomatoes, then she leaned over to grab the plate, arranging the egg in the middle before taking a picture of it.  
  
 _ **CatherineEarnshaw:  
**_ _ **[photo attached] Not even my skills as a cook are the best but I had a long day, what's your excuse? Maybe the age?  
  
**_ Lexa was mocking her on purpose, she knew very well that Clarke's new job took a lot of her free time away and that the shifts were very long but the only idea of imagining her angry face made her laugh.  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **We do not grow old with years, but newer every day.**_ _ **Now come here and cook something for me too.  
  
**_ Lexa began to eat her dinner in silence, gathering her thoughts on how much homework was assigned for the following days while she made a list. She leaned over to read the text and, with the fork that dangled out of her lips, she began to type in the answer.  
  
 _ **CatherineEarnshaw:  
**_ _ **Using Emily Dickinson against me will not help. And anyway I will cook for you sometimes but today is not the day.  
**_ _ **I'm sorry but I think you'll have to do it alone ;)  
  
**_ Then, after glancing at the clock on the wall, Lexa realized she had to move if she wanted to start at least one of her reports she had assigned and then watch some television before going to sleep.   
  
//  
  
“Come on, Woods!” her coach, Indra, shouted from the poolside clapping her hands.  
  
“Let me see what you can do, come on!” she urged her. “Overcome your usual time!”  
  
Lexa kept moving in the water with speed and precision, breathing regularly and focusing the mind on her goal. The school championships would start shortly and the coach was preparing the team for the better; this meant training almost every day.  
  
“You've done very well, Lexa.” the woman said once she arrived at the end of the tank. “Go ahead and get changed, we're done for today.”  
  
She nodded slightly, forcing on her arms and quickly emerging from the water to reach the rest of the team that was already gathering their belongings. Lexa grabbed the towel dabbing the face and taking off her swimming cap, before looking for the phone inside the bag. She found three texts: one of her father asking her to go to the restaurant, one by Raven complaining about the date she had had that afternoon and one from the person who always tore her a smile.  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **If I read a book and this makes my whole body become so cold that no fire will ever heat it...  
  
**_ Lexa bit her bottom lip, she would never admit it but the fact that Clarke often used the quotes of great women of literature to start the conversation made her happy. Emily Dickinson was Clarke's favorite and Lexa had started reading all her works - under the teacher advice - and she had to acknowledge that she did not regret it.  
  
 _ **CatherineEarnshaw:  
**_ _ **I know it's poetry.  
  
**_ She quickly typed the answer and grabbed all her things, not very proud of having to shower in the locker room. But if she had to go to the restaurant she did not have time to go home and she did not intend to present herself in those conditions in front of the customers.  
  
“See you tomorrow.” she greeted her friends with a nod heading towards the locker room.  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **I read what you gave me a few days ago. It's wonderful, I have not been emotional in this way for a long time, I need you to produce something else. As soon as possible, thank you.  
  
**_ Lexa chuckled shaking her head as she began to take off the swimsuit and took the shower gel and shampoo. She replied to Roan and to Raven, before taking a moment to think about what to say to Clarke. Things between them had been on friendly terms for those two months and Lexa had accepted it without too much trouble: the most important thing for her was to be part of Clarke's life. But this often made their interactions complicated. Every time Lexa wanted to make a joke that exceeded friendship, she held back, not at all sure what Clarke's answer could have been. Despite that she decided to try it anyway, she would have never known if the opportunity had not been given.  
  
 _ **CatherineEarnshaw:  
**_ _ **You should perhaps find something to give me in return for your request. Just let you know I am not an easy person to please.  
  
**_ The answer came faster than she expected, she didn't even have time to slip into the shower.  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **Okay, so just to let you know my methods of persuasion are not really subtle and I would be happy to show you one day.  
  
**_ Lexa opened her eyes at those words but a sense of happiness made its way into her chest, opening the door again that she never really closed completely.  
  
//  
  
Lexa toyed with the food in the plate, regretting not having woken up a little earlier to prepare a packed lunch. She had spent most of the evening exchanging texts with Clarke and in the end, exhausted by the fatigues of the day, she had fallen asleep with the phone in her hand. Now she would have liked to hear the first alarm, because there was no possibility she would eat that food.   
  
“I think the cook wants to kill us all.” Raven said sitting down beside her.  
  
“It will not seem true but I think you're right.” Lexa murmured, moving the tray away and grabbing the only edible thing: a banana.  
  
“Why don't you have your pack lunch?” Raven asked disappointed. “I trusted in you to steal a bite.”  
  
“I woke up late.” she answered. “It happens even to the best.”  
  
“And I never thought you were asleep.” she teased her.   
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **It's all right, I should not have kept you awake so late.  
  
**_ The text flashed on the screen and Lexa could not hold back the smile that came to her lips when she saw the name. When she woke up that morning she had written to Clarke apologizing for falling asleep, but the woman didn't reply because she was at work. She did not have time to grab the phone because Raven was faster.  
  
“Goldie's?” she asked with frowning eyebrows. “How come you're texting with the owner of the Goldie's? The pizzeria chain?”  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes, pulling the cell phone out of her hands to answer, she certainly did not want Clarke to end her lunch break and have to wait late afternoon to exchange a couple of sentences.  
  
 _ **CatherineEarnshaw:  
**_ _ **It was not you who kept me awake, I wanted to talk to you. I always want to talk to you.  
  
**_ “I'm still waiting for an explanation.” Raven said, crossing her arms. "Should I start buying prémaman pants to make room for all the free pizza I can eat?"  
  
Lexa chuckled, looking around to make sure no one was nearby. “It is not the owner of Goldie's, Rav, it is...”Lexa lowered her voice. “It's Clarke.”  
  
Raven moved away to stare at her with wide eyes. “And you waited all this time to tell me?”  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **Me too, but I think it's not enough for me anymore.  
  
**_ “We just write to each others.” she said, raising her hands in defense. “I found her phone number in my jacket when we went to Bellamy's house to watch Game of Thrones.” she explained. “After that it was all pretty natural.”  
  
“Oh, Wow.” Raven exclaimed in admiration. “And how are things going?”  
  
“Very well.” she answered with a small smile. “But we have not seen each other since that evening.” She took a moment to respond to the previous text but the phone vibrated in her hand again.   
  
 **Goldie's:  
** **When we feel the need for a hug, we must run the risk of asking for it.  
  
** “I really think she wants to make up for this oversight.” Raven said with a small smile.  
  
Lexa read the text again and bit her bottom lip. “I don't think so...”  
  
“I'm sure of it and she's using Emily Dickinson to do it. I must admit that it is rather classy.” she chuckled before taking the phone from her hands.  
  
“Raven!”  
  
Raven put a hand on Lexa's forehead to push her away as she wrote quickly.  
  
 _ **CatherineEarnshaw:  
**_ _ **I have the impression that you are using Emily Dickinson to ask me something…  
  
**_ “And now we wait.” she said with a smile.  
  
Lexa put both hands to her face, she could not believe what Raven had just done and she was sure that Clarke would pull back and all the steps forward they had made would end up outside the window.  
  
 _ **Goldie's:  
**_ _ **That's right... and if you want to find out more I think you should come to the Rider tomorrow afternoon and see me.  
  
**_ “Subtlety is not her strong suit!” exclaimed Raven, tapping a hand on the table. “Okay, tonight we have to go to the mall and buy something for this date!”  
  
“It is not a date!” Lexa exclaimed. “Now give me my damn phone, Reyes!”  
  
//  
  
Lexa had never been so anxious in her life as she was in that moment, stirring the sugar in the cup of coffee, trying to avoid Clarke's look who, sitting in front of her, was eating a slice of chocolate cake. They had not talked a lot and maybe it was because Lexa did not know what to say, it was easier to interact with the woman of her dreams through the phone. They had exchanged a few words about her training and school but then an awkward silence had fallen. Lexa sipped her coffee and she tried to think of something witty but her brain did not seem willing to help her.  
  
“So-”  
  
“I think-”  
  
They said it at the same time and they both laughed, before Lexa gestured for her, taking the cup back to her mouth to keep herself busy.  
  
“When do the competitions start?” she asked curiously.  
  
“In a couple of weeks.” she replied. “The coach is giving us a hard time and the trainings are intense but I feel they will repay the effort.”  
  
“I'm sure of it.” Clarke agreed.  
  
Lexa stared at her for a long moment and immediately made her decision. “Would you like to-”  
  
“Lexa?”  
  
Bellamy's voice made her jump and her eyes widened in alarm when she saw him walking toward them. Suddenly her heart began to beat wildly and the boy stared at her with a raised eyebrow, before glancing at his step- mother.  
  
“Bellamy, wh-what a surprise! What are you doing here?” Lexa asked stammering.  
  
“I came for a coffee.” he answered. “It's one of the best places in town. You?”  
  
Lexa turned to look at the woman for help and Clarke smiled slightly, slipping into the conversation ready to get her out of the embarrassment. “We met by chance out here.” she said. “I heard that you both had started studying the great women of English literature and Lexa asked me some clarification on Emily Dickinson and Jane Austen.”  
  
Bellamy stared at them for a long moment and a hesitant smile came to his lips. “I see, in that case it is better if...” he pointed to the counter. “I will see you at school?” he asked Lexa, completely ignoring the woman.  
  
Lexa nodded. “See you tomorrow, Bell.”  
  
They both watched the boy walk away and then they looked into each other's eyes. The tension could clearly be felt and Clarke quickly finished her piece of cake, making a small node towards the exit, causing Lexa to collect her belongings. When they were out of the room, Clarke sighed softly, putting the hands in her pocket.  
  
“We should have chosen another place perhaps.” Lexa began quietly.  
  
“Probably.” Clarke answered.  
  
“We were not doing anything wrong.” she added immediately. “You're not my teacher anymore and we can have a coffee if we want, right?”  
  
Clarke smiled and slightly nodded. “Yes, we can have a coffee if we want to.” she reassured her. “But Bellamy...” she sighed. “Bellamy only sees what he wants to see and the fact that he has a crush on you will prevent him from seeing things in an innocence way.”  
  
Lexa looked down, trying not to show the pain that those words had just caused: things in an innocent way. It was pretty clear that Clarke had not invited her out for any second purpose. Even after using Emily Dickinson to ask her out for a coffee.   
  
“Before the interruption, I wanted to ask you if you would like to come to the first competition.” Lexa said with a little blush on the cheeks. “Do not feel obliged if you do not wan-”  
  
“I'd love to, Lexa.” she said with a small chuckle.  
  
“Okay, well, great!” she said happily.  
  
The smile on Clarke's lips made her heart fly in her throat.  
  
//  
  
Her heart was back in her throat a few days later when she was in front of the motel door on the highway. After the meeting with Bellamy at the Rider, she and Clarke had not seen each other but they had continued to exchange texts and things had changed.  
  
They had become deeper and more... _flirtatious.  
  
_ Clarke had let herself go and started letting her in, telling Lexa more and more about herself, first of all the reasons why her relationship with Bellamy was so tense. She and Mr. Blake had met a few months after Bellamy's twelfth birthday and they had started to date, attendance had inevitably led to marriage. Bellamy had struggled to accept her in his home and in his family, especially having spent most of his life alone with his father.  
  
Robert Blake had met his first wife in high school and after high school the unexpected pregnancy had led them to get married very early. Molly died when Bellamy was four and from that moment on he and his father had built their life completely alone. In short, Clarke had not been his favorite person since the beginning but for the sake of his father, Bellamy had learned to live with it. When Robert was involved in a car accident that had reduced him to a vegetative state things fell apart. Bellamy had been reluctant to let him go, while Clarke, the daughter of a doctor with years and years of experience, had opted for the best choice. As he was a minor and she was in the fully entitled of her wife duties, Clarke could not bear to see him further on a life support and she decided to give him a dignified death. Bellamy had never forgiven her for that, not interested of how many nights Clarke had spent mourning the loss of the man she had loved with all of herself.  
  
That story had brought them closer and Lexa felt obliged to share something with her. She told Clarke about her mother and her own relationship with Roan. They had come so close that Clarke had asked her to meet her again, this time in a more isolated place but Lexa certainly had not expected that. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, rubbing her sweaty hands on the jeans and waiting for the door to open. When it happened and their eyes met, Lexa remained motionless, almost too scared to move. She knew that if she crossed that threshold, everything would change and she was not sure how to feel about it. But Clarke smiled at her and Lexa found herself reciprocating, completely sucked in by her gaze and her person.  
  
 _“_ _Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you._..”  
  
“ _Pleasure_.” Lexa finished.  
  
“And I think I want to remember this again and again.” Clarke whispered. “I tried Lexa but I cannot sto-”  
  
She could not finish the sentence as Lexa crossed the door, mouth on hers and hands in her blonde curls. Clarke took her from the collar of the shirt, murmuring with pleasure on her lips, before pulling her into the room and closing the door with a dull thud.  
  
Just as Lexa had predicted, everything changed in an instant.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where... well you will see ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost at the end! 
> 
> Enjoy this new chapter!

_**He says, "Oh, baby girl, don't get cut on my edges** _   
_**I'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon** _   
_**There's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs** _   
_**And if you wanna go to heaven you, should fuck me tonight** _   
  
_**But do you feel like a young god?** _   
_**You know the two of us are just young gods** _   
  
**Young Gods**

 

 

It was midday when they both sat in the car. Clarke had not given her any information about it, she told her to show up at the usual motel and wear comfortable shoes, so that was what Lexa had done. She watched the woman tap the radio buttons until the music began to wrap around them, just before leaving the parking lot and into the main street.  
  
“Where are we going?” she finally asked, full of curiosity.  
  
Clarke overtook a Volkswagen that was proceeding under the speed limit and sighed quietly when she saw the traffic just after the curve. “Maybe we should have left earlier.” she murmured thoughtfully.  
  
“We have all the time in the world, Clarke.” Lexa reassured her. “We don't have to leave the room until tomorrow afternoon.”  
  
“I know, I know.” she answered with a small smile. “I just want to get there before it gets completely dark, but I think we can make it.”  
  
Lexa did not ask her again where they were going, she knew Clarke would ignore the question just as she had done the three previous times. She concentrated on the road ahead of them noting how effectively the traffic was intense, so she leaned towards the stereo, trying not to be overwhelmed by the impatience that was continuing to meander through them. When Clarke wrote her the day before, asking to spend the whole weekend with her and celebrate the winning at the competition, Lexa had thought they would stay at the hotel all the time but she had to admit she was happy that the woman had organized something.  
  
“Are you hungry?” Clarke asked. “Because I was thinking we could stop and get something and wait for the traffic to halve so we have the road all to ourselves.”  
  
“That would be great.”  
  
“I know a great place a few miles from here.”  
  
Lexa nodded without adding anything else, letting herself lulled by the music.

//  
  
 _Clarke's lips were always so soft and perfect against hers and the desire, that had been a constant presence since that morning, was only raising everything. They had had a wonderful day, Clarke had been careful and made her feel special like no one before. Lexa had wondered during all those months how it was possible to feel all those sensations whenever she was in Clarke's presence or simply when she touched her or kissed her. They had a wonderful day, Clarke had been careful and made her feel special like no one before.  
  
_ _Lexa, not having an answer to those questions, she just put her fingers in those blonde curls, kissing her with the desire she always felt when they were together. Even Clarke seemed to be devoured by the same desire and between all the moans, Lexa felt the lock close behind them, while the woman's lips came down, leaving wet marks on her chin, jaw, neck and wherever she could reach. Lexa closed her eyes, moaning loudly, trying to pull up her shirt and trying to lift it up. Clarke chuckled and took a few steps back, pulling it off in one motion, before doing the same thing with Lexa's.  
  
_ “ _Clarke...”  
  
_ _Clarke responded to that request with another kiss, pushing Lexa further toward the bed without words, stopping only when the girl's legs hit the mattress. Lexa immediately tied her arms around her neck, pulling her over her.  
  
_ “ _Hold the headboard and don't let it go.” Clarke murmured.  
  
_ _Lexa could not even explain the rush of wetness between her thighs at the tone of command and at the thought of what Clarke had planned. She did as ordered, clutching the wood hard, while Clarke untied her belt and quickly took off her jeans.  
  
_ “ _Good girl...” she whispered.  
  
_ _She sighed at those words and closed her eyes when Clarke's mouth began to kiss her belly; her breath began to get more frantic as Clarke's fingers slipped into the elastic of her underwear.  
  
_ “ _Clarke...”  
  
_ “ _Shh...” Clarke shushed her, nose over her still-covered core. “We have all the time in the world, be patient.”  
  
_ _Lexa closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip hard when the cold air hit her hot, wet sex. She could not hold back the little squeal of delight when Clarke traced the outline with the tip of her tongue and almost instinctively Lexa's hands moved towards her head but, before she could reach the goal, the woman looked up.  
  
_ “ _Hands on the headboard, Lexa or I'll have to tie you up...”  
  
_ _Lexa could just moan and tighten the wood, enjoying those mischievous caresses as she tried to imagine what was expecting her after.  
  
_ _//  
  
_ “You're not going to tell me where we're going, are you?” Lexa asked as they left the restaurant to get back to the car.  
  
Clarke had not lied to say that the place was underestimated, Lexa had eaten so well only at her father's restaurant and the pasta she had ordered had almost made her sing, for not mentioning the dessert that she was sure she would only find in that restaurant. Lexa held the door open and Clarke gave her a light caress as she passed the threshold.  
  
“Now who is eager to arrive there?” se asked amused.  
  
The girl rolled her eyes, she was not an impatient person at all, mainly because of the sport she practiced. When she was swimming she had to find a spiritual balance able to make the person a kind of ghost. Silent but fast. That ability was reached with perseverance but above all, with infinite patience.  
  
“You're too mysterious, Miss Griffin.” she finally shrugged and followed her down the parking lot. “Who assures me that you're not taking me to an isolated place to get rid of me?” she asked teasing.  
  
Lexa jumped with fright when her body hit the car door, Clarke's eyes a few inches from her and the hot breath breaking on the lips.  
  
“If I were taking you to an isolated place, killing you would be the last of my thoughts I assure you.” she whispered in a sensual voice.  
  
Lexa lost herself in her eyes and without thinking she leaned slightly with the clear intention of joining their lips but Clarke just rubbed her nose against hers in an almost imperceptible caress.  
  
“Soon...” she whispered, finally letting her go. “Now let's get petrol and get on the road otherwise we'll be too late.”  
  
After giving her a small kiss on the cheek, she seated on the driver's side and Lexa, still a little stunned, quickly followed her, closing the door with a dull sound. It did not take long to get petrol and when Clarke returned after paying, she placed two small bottles of water on the dashboard, under the curious look of Lexa.  
  
“For the trip.” she explained. “Unless there're emergencies, I'm going to get to my destination in an hour, that means no stops.” and with this she started the engine and made her way out of the exit.  
  
As they entered the traffic, Lexa took care of the radio, connecting her phone and scrolling through her playlist, before looking for something that would satisfy both, allowing the music to fill the car. After leaving the music app, she answered the text Raven had sent her while they were at lunch, ready to put away the phone permanently. Lexa had told her father that she would spend the weekend at one of her teammates' house, so she would not have to put Raven in a bad position if Roan had met her somewhere. She had sent him a text that morning as soon as she reached the motel and had reassured him that she would let him know in the evening if everything was in order.  
  
Now it was clearly Raven's turn to be reassured, though she was sure that her friend had simply written to tease her and have some juicy detail about what Clarke had prepared for the day. With a smile, she ignored the next text and placed the phone in the dashboard before settling down more comfortably. The silence lasted an entire song – so a good three and a half minutes - before the desire to tease Clarke took over again. She clearly wanted to know where they were going but she preferred expectation to curiosity, as she preferred to tease her rather than remain silent.  
  
“So where are we going?” she asked again with a small smile on the lips.  
  
//  
  
 _Lexa moaned noisily, watching her climb, naked and beautiful, along her body, feeling Clarke's warm thighs on either side of her head. She did not know why but she felt full of emotion for that gesture, especially after Clarke had told her that the evening would be dedicated only to her, that she wanted to try something new. The fact that Clarke had decided to listen to her prayer, a prayer Lexa had whispered on her lips after experiencing one of the best orgasms she had ever had, made her happy.  
  
_ _It was perfect.  
  
_ _All day had been perfect and what they were going to experience would simply give the final touch to one of the best days of her life. The thought that Clarke had given her, at least for now, the charge was very important.  
  
_ “ _Don't use your fingers until I tell you.” Clarke murmured. “And take your time, I want to enjoy your touch.”  
  
_ _Lexa closed her eyes putting the hands on her hips and guiding her to her mouth. The first touch of her tongue made Clarke move forward moaning, the fingers clawing at the headboard while Lexa went to work.  
  
_ “ _Mhhhh... Lexa.” she whispered.  
  
_ _Lexa continued to trace her entrance with the tip of her tongue, enjoying the taste and the movement of her hips that did nothing but search for more contact. She looked up to see Clarke's hungry expression, lower lip between her teeth and eyes almost black with desire, forcing Lexa to squeeze her own legs for relief._ _She moved back along her sex, her tongue sliding down her vulva and Clarke groaned, tightening her hair, arching her back as she felt Lexa's tongue in her. They had done it other times, in a dozen different positions but the feeling of the woman's sex on her face was always able to steal her breath.  
  
_ “ _Use your fingers...” Clarke commanded with a gasp. “I want to fell yo- Lexa!”  
  
_ //  
  
For Lexa, that place was completely unreal.   
  
Her eyes were feeding on that place as if it was worth her life, observing the stands of the long descent which led to an archway where a small band was playing to entertain people. She was hit by a lots of smells, sounds and images and for a moment she felt overwhelmed by all those sensations. Lexa looked around admired and her heart lost a beat when Clarke's hand slipped into hers.  
  
“Clarke this place is-”  
  
“I know.” she answered with a small smile. “It's been a long time since I came here and I've never brought anyone.” she explained. “But I was sure you would like it and I decided I wanted to share it with you.”  
  
Lexa could not say anything, the only thing she felt obliged to do was lure her against the chest and kiss her, careless of the world around them. She was surprised when Clarke returned it by cupping her face and sighing on her lips.  
  
“Thanks...” Lexa whispered.  
  
“I wanted one of my favorite authors to get a little inspiration.” Clarke replied on her lips, before loosening her from the embrace and taking her hand. “Ready?”  
  
Lexa nodded and, after giving her another little kiss, they began their walk in the middle of the bookcases that lined the two sides of the road. Lexa stopped at every single one looking, touching and sometimes smelling the multitude of books that crowded the stands. Lexa understood that she was completely abducted.  
  
She realized this after running her fingers on the yellowed cover of an edition of Dorian Gray's diary she had bought. Her heart, however, had begun to beat faster when she had found an edition of Wuthering Heights dated 1940 and she had begun to think about her mother and the evenings curled beside her on the couch while she was reading, stroking her hair slowly.  
  
Clarke had not been less, she had wandered her eyes full of curiosity among the bookstores and bought some scores and some books for her private collection but she merely followed her as she passed from one bookshop to another. They had continued to walk hand in hand and the smile on Lexa's face had not diminished even for a moment. Lexa had never felt so happy in her entire life: that place, the fact that their hands had been intertwined all afternoon, the books and the music, that had accompanied them since they had arrived, made that day the happiest of her life.  
  
“Would you like something to drink?” Clarke asked, bringing her palm to the lips to kiss it gently.  
  
“Yes, I'd like something to drink.”   
  
“I know a beautiful place five minutes walk from here.” she said as they walked towards the end of the road. Lexa took one last look at the stands and Clarke leaned over to kiss her softly again, before giggling. “They will not close before a couple of hours, Lexa.” she reassured her. “And to get back to the car we have to go through this again.” Clarke stared at her for a long moment. “Do you trust me?”  
 _  
//  
  
_ _Lexa took a trembling, almost uncertain breath, forcing Clarke to stop and look at her with worried eyes. “I trust you, Clarke... it's just a bit cold.” she said, stroking her back until she stopped on her ass._ _Clarke stood still for a long moment, eyes on her before finally pushing her hips forward, running the silicone along her already wet folds that were waiting for her touch. Lexa closed her eyes, arching the back a little and meeting her movements, incredulous of how that little friction could bring all that pleasure.  
  
_ “ _This is so...” Clarke murmured, apparently unable to articulate other words. “You are so... God...”  
  
_ _Those words forced Lexa to scratch her back and swallow the moan that rumbled in her chest, because oh God: she was not at the least ready for those feelings. She could not think, she could not breathe, she could not concentrate on anything but the way Clarke seemed to know exactly what her body wanted.  
  
_ “ _Clarke...” she moaned as the tip of the strap-on rubbed against her clit. “Please...”  
  
_ _Clarke's whole body tensed at those words as she pushed the hips forward, carefully, resting her forehead against Lexa's for any kind of discomfort. “Is this okay?” she asked breathlessly.  
  
_ _Lexa had to close her eyes for a moment to try and keep control. “It's perfect. It feels so good.” she groaned as Clarke pushed deeper, then grabbed her face. “God, come here.” she said, closing her mouth with hers.  
  
_ _It did not take long for them to find their rhythm without stopping kissing, searching for each other's lips every time one of them moved away. Lexa lifted her legs tying them to Clarke's waist to draw her closer, before scratching her ass and making her move faster. Clarke did not stop for a moment to roll her hips, kissing her neck, her breast, closing the mouth on her nipple and sucking it hard. Lexa found herself screaming, scratching her back, feeling her head spin at all the feelings she had never felt before. The noise of their clashing skins began to mingle with their moans and Lexa raised her hips trying to keep up with the vigor of Clarke's thrusts.  
  
_ “ _Clarke I'm com-”  
  
_ _Clarke kissed her and slipped a hand between their bodies caressing her clit with small circles. “Come for me, Lexa, come for me.”  
  
//  
  
_Raven had always made fun of her passion for hot tea and for some time Lexa was offended by that, wondering what was wrong with wanting a hot cup while reading a good book. Over the years she had understood that reading something with a cup of coffee or something else, did not give her the same emotions, so she had started to answer to Raven earning every time a small kiss on the nose, a sign that her friend did not want other than tease her. She had not been surprised to see Clarke ask the waiter to bring enough hot water for two people, just as she had not found it strange that she had ordered some cake to accompany the drink. If Lexa had learned one thing in the last few months it was that Clarke was passionate about food, she did not think twice if she wanted to eat something and thanks to her, Lexa often let herself go.   
  
“Try this cake.” Clarke said, drawing her attention.  
  
Lexa looked up from the book and raised an eyebrow when she saw the fork stretch out toward her. Clarke's smile was so full of expectation that Lexa could not help but open her mouth to take the bite.  
  
“My God, it's delicious.” she said.   
  
Clarke nodded slightly, cutting the portion into two pieces and placing the plate in the middle of the table urging Lexa to eat with her. Lexa willingly accepted that offer, returning to her book and smiled happily when Clarke's hand rested on hers, stroking it with the thumb and then focusing on her own reading. She did not know how much time had really passed, not that it really mattered to her, not at that moment, and in the peace she could feel inside her. That place was really magical and Lexa was beginning to realize how good taste Clarke actually had when it came to those things.  
  
“Everything in order here?” the waiter asked, breaking into that comforting silence. “Can I bring you something else?”  
  
Clarke looked at her, waiting for an answer and Lexa shook her head, she still had to finish her tea and once finished she wanted to go back to take a last look at the bookstores before they closed.  
  
“No, thank you.” Clarke answered. “Could we have the bill?”  
  
“I'll be right back.” the boy answered gently, moving away.  
  
Lexa closed the book by putting it back in the plastic bag; when she looked up she drowned in Clarke's blue eyes, who was staring at her strangely and found herself feeling a little uncomfortable. She started to open the mouth to say something but she stopped when Clarke smiled at her softly, sliding something toward her.  
  
“I managed to buy it before you could see it.” she began with a small smile. “It was hard to keep it in my bag all this time, I could hardly wait to see your face.”  
  
“Clarke...”   
  
It was a book of poems by Emily Dickinson, an edition of 1920. Lexa took it in her trembling hands, her eyes shining with unshed tears, incredulous of that gesture... so beautiful.  
  
“I hope you like it.” Clarke said to break that awkward silence. “I know that-”  
  
The waiter interrupted her by resting the bill on the table and Clarke leaned over to grab the bag to pay but Lexa was faster, putting a note on the saucer and telling the boy to keep the rest.  
  
“This is w-wonderful, Clarke, you did not have to-”  
  
Clarke shook the head to shut her up and moved the chair so she could settle down beside Lexa, resting an hand on her thigh and squeezing it with affection.  
  
“As I told you several times, Lexa, you have an enviable talent.” she began. “And your passion for the old classics is admirable. As soon as I saw it I knew it was yours.” she said in a whisper. “Open it.”  
  
Lexa swallowed slowly opening the book, in one of the first white pages Clarke's handwriting welcomed her, elegant and fine as ever and with a heart in turmoil she began to read.  
  
 _ **Dear Alexandria,  
  
**_ _ **Accept this gift of mine as my wish of good luck for the trip that you will interpret in a couple of months. College can be a scary experience but at the same time wonderful and I wish you to live it with all yourself. Continue to pursue your passion Lexa and I'm sure that one day all your dreams will come true. Keep this book with you, something that can always remember you of the young woman who loves old classics. May these words give you the strength to embrace your destiny:  
**_ __ **  
“When I will be able to love, I would like a love that had no appointment with duty, a love without guilt, without any remorse, but selfish and natural like a river that goes down the mountain free and beautiful.”  
  
** Tears began to run freely down her cheeks and she closed the eyes when Clarke took her face deleting with the thumb those salty drops. Lexa did not say a single word, too moved to be able to say something, so she leaned forward, joining her lips to Clarke's, regardless of the world around them.  
  
At that moment there were only the two of them and nothing else.  
  
//  
  
The room began to cool down, the moist, sticky air began to disperse as they laid side by side, trying to normalize the breath. Lexa looked at the red mark she had left on Clarke's chest, exactly on her left breast and the urge to do another one on her right breast snaked at her. Lexa did not know how it was possible to want a person like that. She never had enough of Clarke's body, or her voice, or her moans and the mere thought of not touching her made her crazy. So she decided to do it, approaching a few inches and starting to run the fingers along her ribs and gently kissing her neck.  
  
“Are you hungry?” Clarke asked, breaking the silence, with that hoarse voice she always had when they finished making love. Lexa continued to kiss her neck, running the fingers along her body and nodded slightly. “We can order room service.” she offered. “Or we can see if there is some restaurant or-”  
  
“Yes, please and thank you.” she murmured.  
  
Clarke chuckled stroking her back, before slipping out of bed to get the phone. Lexa rolled on her back, resting on one elbow watching Clarke, naked and marvelous, around the room. She did not focus much on what she was saying, too busy looking at the way the sunset light broke over her naked body. Clarke came back a few seconds later and slipped back into the blankets and Lexa rearranged herself in the old position, kissing her and sucking her lower lip, making her sigh with pleasure.  
  
“How long do we have?” Lexa asked.   
  
“Twenty minutes.” Clarke whispered, scratching her back. “We don't have time...”   
  
Lexa chuckled kissing her neck. “I can be fast.“  
  
“Mmh...” that was the only thing Clarke could say  
  
  
Half an hour later they were eating on the floor, watching a movie on the big TV in the room. They had discussed who should pay for dinner and Lexa had been quicker to get out of bed and wear her own clothes, while Clarke, in bed, tried to regain control of her breathing after an intense and fast orgasm. Clarke tried to steal a few bites of chicken from her plate and in the end she found herself crushed against the side of the couch, Lexa's lips against hers while she was kissing her with the mouth that tested like chicken.  
  
When they found themselves making love again, on the carpet, the movie in the background, Lexa realized she was in trouble. Passionate words were whispered on warm, sweaty skin, while the air warmed up again and the moon lit up their bodies clinging to the floor. After coming down again to the earth, together with the common mortals, they found the strength to move back to bed and Clarke fell asleep on her shoulder under the gentle caresses that Lexa was doing on her back.   
  
Lexa's gaze settled on the book Clarke had given her and she smiled, kissing her forehead and brushing her blonde hair away from her face. “I love you...” she whispered softly.  
  
She squeezed Clarke closer to her chest and closed her eyes, understanding that if that meant loving then she wanted to experience that feeling all her life.

  
  


 


	15. I Walk the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lexa need to say here goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are at the end, thanks to everyone for following this project.  
> Tomorrow or the day after, I will publish another story!
> 
> In the meantime enojy this one!

_**I keep a close watch on this heart of mine  
I keep my eyes wide open all the time  
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds** _

_**Because you're mine, I walk the line** _

_**I find it very, very easy to be true  
I find myself alone when each day is through  
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you** _

_**Because you're mine, I walk the line** _

**  
I walk the line**

  


Lexa closed the last of the boxes, sighing with relief, unable to believe that she had finally finished packing all her belongings. It had been quite  a hectic summer and, after graduation, she and Roan had taken their time to be together. Lexa had gone to the university a couple of times in the car with Raven for visiting the campus, the rooms and to try to understand a bit of how life worked in that place.  
  
She and Clarke had continued to see each other as much as possible, often in their motel and they often managed to carve out two days in a row to go for a few trips. The more they spent time together, the more Lexa realized how much she was in love with the woman and than the fact that she would leave soon would break her heart but she had learned to leave that thought aside and enjoyed their time together.  
  
Just before the start of the semester she, Raven and some of her swimming teammates had flown to Greece for three weeks. Lexa would have been lying if she said it had not been a wonderful holiday but  she had to admit to herself that she had missed Clarke. They had cut out - especially thanks to Raven - some time for them, making  calls and  sometimes even video calls but it was not enough. She missed the feeling of Clarke's body against hers, the sweet way Clarke used to look at her, her smell  and her voice in person but even though Lexa had been back for a couple of days, she had preferred to spend some time with her father and  start to pack all her stuff.  
  
_**“I cannot wait to see you.”** _

That's what Clarke's text said and if Lexa had to be honest she could not wait to hold her and never let her go. She arranged the box with the others, looking at her completely empty room and bit her lower lip feeling a strange sensation inside. It was absurd to think that all her life was now in all those boxes stacked carefully under the window. The walls were completely white and bare, her bed looked so large in contrast with the empty furniture and although she had always wanted to do something more, Lexa was sure she would miss that safe room. She smiled, however, at the thought of the new adventure that was waiting for her, happy to finally be able to go and reach her dream. After years of unnerving training and competitions, she managed to win the scholarship and she vowed to make good use of it.  
  
“Hey, honey.”  
  
Her father's voice startled her from her thoughts and Lexa turned to look at him, Roan was looking at her with a sweet smile on his lips.  
  
“I'm going to work.” he told her. “I will see you in a few days?” he asked, stepping into the room. Roan knew she would spend three days at one of her teammate's house.  
  
“Yes, I will have a quick shower first.” she answered with a smile.  
  
“Okay, have fun and call me if you need anything, okay?”  
  
“I will.” she reassured him, leaning to kiss him on the cheek.  
  
Roan smiled and gave her one kiss on the forehead before leaving the room. Lexa reached the large and open suitcase she had placed on the bed and took the things she needed for that weekend, slipping them into a backpack before taking her clothes off ready for the shower. She jumped when the phone vibrated on the nightstand, drawing her attention.  
  
_**Goldie's:  
**__**The door is open, I'm waiting for you.  
  
**_ Lexa smiled typing the answer before grabbing her bathrobe and heading into the bathroom. She needed to hurry up, she had an important date.  
  
//  
  
As Clarke had told her, the door was open when she finally reached the Blake-Griffin's house an hour later, even though going inside without Bellamy's presence made her feel strange. Bellamy had gone on vacation with his girlfriend, Echo, an older girl he had met thanks to some friends and who, paradoxically, was attending his same university. If she had been happy that Bellamy had found someone else to direct his attention to, she was even more happy at the idea of having the whole house for them. This meant that they could wake up in each other's arms without having to worry about leaving the hotel room to go back and the thought alone made her heart beat wildly.  
  
“Clarke?” she called her closing the door with a thump and taking a few steps inside the house.  
  
Lexa frowned when no one answered but she was greeted by the melodic sound of a piano. She followed the music with slow, measured steps to the studio, lightly pushing the door to make her way into the room. She stopped in the doorway at the beautiful vision of Clarke, who, sitting at the piano, was running her fingers on the keys piano, playing with her eyes closed.  
  
She was wonderful.  
  
Lexa approached slowly not wanting to disturb her but Clarke somehow managed to feel her, stopping to play and turning to look at her. “Don't stop of my account.” she told her.  
  
Clarke just smiled at her, getting up slowly to walk toward her and before Lexa could say anything else she was in Clarke's arms and with the woman's mouth closing on a passionate kiss. Lexa sighed on her lips and relaxed, slipping the fingers through that amazing blonde curls and pulling her close. Clarke's fingers began to untie her shirt fast, impatient movements and Lexa knew immediately that they would recover the weeks away on another occasion, at that moment they both wanted to feel each other in a more physical way.  
  
Lexa closed her eyes, running the fingers along Clarke's naked and sweaty back, sighing with happiness at the sensation of her body finally against hers. She could hear Clarke's heart beating on her own chest while they were lying on the carpet in the living room after hours and hours of wonderful sex.  
  
“I cannot believe you will finally cook for me.” Clarke murmured.  
  
Lexa chuckled kissing her head and brushing the hair away from her face. “Tell me the truth, you want to spend these days together just because of this.” she whispered.  
  
Clarke smiled slightly and leaned forward to kiss her, before resting the head on Lexa's shoulder again and closing her eyes. Lexa kept holding her close and with the felling of their bodies, she found herself being sucked into oblivion.  
  
//  
  
The more time passed the more Lexa realized the reasons why she was in love with Clarke.  
  
They were small things, sometimes even silly: like the way she rolled one lock of hair around the finger as she read, or how she always adjusted the reading glasses that fell off her nose, or the way she always hided the head in Lexa's neck when they were in bed giving her a little kiss on the collarbone before falling asleep. But the thing that made Lexa's heart shake and look at Clarke as she was the best thing in the world, it was the familiarity she felt in moving around in that house and spending time with her. The night before they had fallen asleep on the studio floor and only when Lexa had begun to feel cold she moved them to bed, this had not made them move enough to allow her to prepare dinner.  
  
The next day they went shopping in one of the neighborhoods that none of the students and teachers could have hung out at, not that it was important anymore, Lexa had graduated and Clarke was no longer a teacher at the Polis High School but they preferred to be cautious to avoid any kind of repercussions. The time spent with Clarke was like heaven. Lexa did not believe in God but she should not have even believed in heaven when someone had allowed her to meet Clarke?  
  
That was what she was thinking as she finished cooking breakfast, putting the pancakes on the plate, grabbing a rose and placing everything on the tray. Lexa did her best to climb the stairs without spilling the orange juice, holding the tray and approaching the bed, smiling as she saw Clarke still asleep and she bit her lips in ecstasy at the sight of that wonderful, completely uncovered ass. She was lying on her stomach, one arm under the pillow, legs open between the sheets and Lexa could hearing her snoring.  
  
She carefully placed the tray on the floor and sat on the bottom of the mattress, observing that white back, memorizing every tiniest shade and Clarke's position exalted the shape of her shoulder blades. Lexa licked her lips, stretching out a hand, caressing the contours with the fingertips, because that body was wonderful and she never had enough of it. She bent over to savor it by sliding one hand up to her buttocks, tracing the spine with her lips, trying to tickle her so that she would wake up. She reached the cascade of blonde hair, beginning to suckle Clarke's earlobe languidly, smiling when she heard a mumble, causing Lexa to pull the hair aside, sinking her nose into her neck.  
  
“Mmmh... Clarke.” Lexa murmured.  
  
She smiled again as she watched Clarke move to meet her lips and whispered, hoarse and sensual. “Lexa...” she muttered, turning on her back so that she could look at her.  
  
Lexa squeezed her into a hug, an hand on Clarke's stomach, the mouth under her ear again. “Good morning.” she whispered.  
  
“The best good morning ever.” Clarke answered with a smile.  
  
“I brought you breakfast.” she said without disentangling her from the embrace.  
  
Clarke leaned over to look at the tray that was resting on the floor and smiled, drawing Lexa to her for a sweet kiss. They spent the rest of the time, kissing for a time that seemed endless before Lexa leaned her forehead against hers.  
  
“If you want me to have breakfast you should really wear something, because I just cannot get my hands off you...” Clarke whispered. “Even if I have an idea.”  
  
Lexa raised an eyebrow for an explanation and before she could say anything, Clarke pulled her back for a long kiss. Ten minutes later Lexa found herself immersed in the hot water and sighed with pleasure as she watched Clarke place the breakfast tray on the metal stopper at the edge of the tub, before entering into the water, resting her back against her chest.  
  
“This is what I call breakfast.” Clarke said happily.  
  
Lexa tenderly kissed her neck, watching Clarke draw the tray toward them, ready to start her breakfast. She lifted the lid and her eyes glowed with happiness seeing the pile of pancakes with chocolate chips and she turned to kiss Lexa's jawline.  
  
“I could get used to this treatment, Miss Woods.” she whispered into her skin.  
  
“Eat before they get even colder.” she warned amused. “Tell me if you like them.” Clarke took a bite of it, moaning with pleasure and snatching a smile. “This makes me understand that you like them.” she replied, pulling the fork from her hands to taste them. After that she began to feed her as Clarke stroked her thighs under the warm water, smiling at each piece she handed her.  
  
“Do not think I've forgotten about this.” Lexa softly said into her ear before leaning forward to grab a cup. “Coffee with a little cinnamon.”  
  
Clarke just stared at her grabbing the cup before giving her a sweet kiss. Lexa had the impression that she had done that to shut herself up from saying something that was on the tip of her tongue. When they broke away, Clarke took a sip of coffee before dropping the head on her shoulder with a sigh, Lexa kissed her temple and closed her eyes.  
  
Everything was perfect. She wanted to stop the time and live that moment for the rest of her life.  
  
  
The tray was on the floor, the plates and glasses totally empty, while they, still tight in that single embrace, laid in the warm water with the soft light of the bathroom and the shutter almost completely lowered, allowing some rays of sunlight to enter the room. Lexa had not stopped a second massaging Clarke's arms and shoulders, counting every little moles she saw on that white skin and kissing it.  
  
“Twenty.” a kiss on the shoulder blade. “Twenty-one.” she paused for a second. “Maybe I should take a felt-tip pen and see what drawing comes out if I join them all together.” she murmured.  
  
“Don't even think about it.” Clarke smiled amused.  
  
“It could be something interesting! A shape or something.” Lexa said rubbing the nose against the back of her neck. “Or a constellation!” she said ecstatically. “Okay, now we have to do it.”  
  
Clarke laughed, shaking her head. “Take it out of your head.” she said kissing her jaw.  
  
“Not even if we make it fun?” Lexa asked, making a small pout.  
  
“I'm not sure I want to know what you mean.” she murmured.  
  
Lexa remained silent for a few seconds, starting to kiss her neck, running the hands along the hips up to her thighs. She saw Clarke bite her lower lip as her fingers moved between her legs. “I'm sure if I work hard I can convince you.” she whispered in her ear.  
  
“Lexa...”  
  
“What do you think I can con-”  
  
The sentence was cut in half with Clarke's mouth and Lexa smiled into the kiss as her fingers made their way into that paradise already warm for her.  
  
//  
  
Since she had walked through the door, they had not been able to keep their hands off each other for even five minutes and Lexa was starting to think to be a sex addicted because staying away from Clarke was really difficult. The woman did not seem to mind and did nothing but exchange caresses with her; it did not matter where, the important thing was to touch each other. She realized that Clarke had a certain fondness for her hands and never missed an opportunity to kiss or touch them. Then there were kisses, many, many kisses: short, small, chaste, passionate. On the shoulders, cheeks, lips and hands again... Lexa lost her mind every time Clarke brought her hand to the mouth to give her one.  
  
After being home for two days, Clarke decided it was time to go out to get some fresh air and after getting in the car, she had driven through the city without telling where they were going. Lexa gasped standing in font of the big cinema that was used to play old movies every months. Her heart began to beat faster when she saw the title on the board: Wuthering Heights. The room was almost empty, just a couple of lonely people in the corner and Lexa, unable to resist the thought of being in that place with Clarke, let the head slip on her shoulder. She sighed happily when Clarke kissed her head just as the lights went off and the movie started.  
  
It was nice to murmur the quotes of the film in a low voice looking into each other's eyes and in the middle of the film Clarke leaned the forehead against hers staring at her intensely making her lose the attention. Clarke's scent invaded her nose and Lexa closed her eyes feeling the woman's lips settle gently on hers and for some strange reasons she felt her eyes moisten. The return home was almost surreal, Clarke's hands had caressed her almost in fear and Lexa had done nothing but swallow the words that were about to escape every time their eyes crossed. When Clarke had pushed the fingers into her for the last time, bringing her to orgasm, she realized that something had changed, that even for Clarke that was no longer sex but something more.  
  
Lexa bit her lower lip and closed her eyes tightly moaning Clarke's name in pleasure.  
  
Sleep did not come for neither. Lexa just enjoyed the beautiful caresses that Clarke was doing on her back, giving her sweet kisses on the sternum as she hid her nose in Clarke's hair. Lexa was sure she would never find a person who smelled as wonderfully as Clarke and sighed with happiness.  
  
“Clarke?” she whispered softly and realized that the woman was waiting for her to continue when the fingers stopped to stroke her. “Can I ask you something?”  
  
“You can ask me anything you want, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa took a small, shaky breath aware that she was about to enter a rather dangerous and personal phat but she was curious. She wanted to know why when Clarke saw her in the studio she had stopped playing and she was sure it was not just because she had missed her terribly.  
  
“You don't have to answer if you don't want to.” she immediately pointed out. “But I was wondering when it was the last time you played the piano for someone it wasn't you.”  
  
The question broke on the walls and Lexa closed her eyes sure to have crossed the line but surprisingly Clarke's fingers began to caress her back and felt a small kiss on the sternum.  
  
“The last person I played for was Robert.” she finally answered after a long moment of silence. “I was allowed to bring an instrument to the hospital and he loved to hear me play, so I bought a keyboard.” she explained. “I spent every afternoon at his side singing his favorite songs in the hope that he would wake up just to ask me to shut up.”  
  
“I'm sorry.” Lexa whispered. “I shouldn't have asked.” Clarke did not let her finish.  
  
“When I made the decision, I felt like a part of me was dead too.” she continued. “Playing is the only way I can do to organize my thoughts but it's also the thing that makes me feel more vulnerable in world.”  
  
“I understand what you mean.” Lexa murmured. “That's how I feel when I write, as if my soul was projected onto those words.”  
  
Clarke forced her to lift her face to look at her, Lexa sank into her sweet and, at the same time, sad smile. She wondered why she could not keep her mouth shut, because certainly it was not her intention to bring the sadness in her mind.  
  
“You will become an extraordinary woman, Lexa.” Clarke murmured, brushing a lock away from her face. “I cannot wait to be a witness to your many successes.”  
  
“I'm sure you will be.” Lexa murmured.  
  
The smile Clarke gave her made her stomach tighten but before Lexa could ask her, the woman closed her mouth, making her forget what she was about to say. It did not go unnoticed to Lexa that every time she tried to make a speech that had vaguely something to do with the future Clarke stopped her by focusing her attention on something else.   
  
  
  
Clarke's back should have been considered a true work of art, for every little mole and for the way the sun created shadows on that white skin. After having spent the whole morning rolling among the sheets and chatting, Lexa had managed to persuade Clarke to give her permission to find out what figure would come out in joining all the moles. Unfortunately, the only thing left in the pantry was peanut butter and even though Clarke did not look very enthusiastic about it, she was lying on her stomach. Lexa had put her fingers into the jar and began to draw small lines on the skin, smiling as she saw them form a figure that clearly made no sense.  
  
“It's cold.” Clarke commented after a few seconds.  
  
“I'm almost done.” Lexa said.  
  
“So, what do you think?” she asked curiously.  
  
Lexa tilted her head to look at her, trying to decipher what she had managed to create. “It looks like a constellation.” she murmured. “You have a constellation on your back, Miss Griffin.” she teased.  
  
“And what are you going to do about it, Miss Woods?” she asked amused.  
  
Lexa took a second to think about it while she finished connecting the last two moles, then she stood up to reach the bedside table and grabbed the phone opening the camera. That picture would have been a perfect screen lock and while Lexa was taking the picture, she had been careful not to look at Clarke's face in it and smiled at the sight of the result. She laid down by her side and showed her the result, smiling when she saw Clarke raise an eyebrow in realizing that yes, actually that amber mess seemed like a constellation.  
  
“So now you're telling me that besides writing in a wonderful way, swimming like a champion, do you also have some artistic skills I did not know about?” she asked curiously.  
  
Lexa smiled mischievously crawling closer to her and resting the forehead against hers. “I have many talents you're not even aware of.” she murmured, licking her lips.  
  
Lexa saw her shiver and leaned over to kiss her, tearing out a little sigh of happiness. Although the angle was uncomfortable, Clarke was able to slip an hand on her breasts and squeezed it, before going down to kiss her neck.  
  
“So I guess you need to show me some of your talents.” she whispered on her skin. “And I think it's the case that you clean me up first, because I have big plans for you, Miss Woods.”  
  
Lexa smiled and decided to please her, she slipped out of her grip and kneeled, crawling slow – _so slowly_ \- along her body, running the fingertips on the first strip picking up the peanut butter. She had never been a big fan of it, too salty for her tastes but she had to admit that  licking it directly from Clarke's skin was a totally different taste. Lexa followed the path with her eyes and then began to devote herself to the work, not being able to stop from biting her shoulder blade unleashing a small moan of pleasure from the woman.  
  
“Your back drives me crazy, Clarke.” she murmured as the tongue moved slowly on the skin and smiled when she heard Clarke moan. “The way it arches for me when we make love.” she continued, running an hand down. “Not to mention this.” she gasped deliberately in her ear, scratching her buttock.  
  
“Lexa...” Clarke sighed.  
  
“God, you make me crazy...” she said. “And we have not had breakfast yet, so I think it's time for me to make up for it.”  
  
Lexa did not add anything else, she wiped every inch of that back with the tongue and when she was satisfied with the result, she rested the body against Clarke sliding a hand between her legs. She bit her lower lip, finding her _so_ ready and when her fingers caressed her wetness, making Clarke  arch, Lexa closed the mouth on her shoulder and bit down.  
  
They spent the rest of the morning in bed and it was Clarke's turn to show her her “ _artistic skills._ ”  
  
  
Just as she had thought the first day she woke up with a cascade of blonde hair on her chest. Time with Clarke was like living in paradise and, like every beautiful thing, it was coming to an end. They had spent days eating, making love, talking, laughing and cuddling but the world was calling their attention in a loud and clear voice. Lexa would leave for college in a couple of days and Clarke would be back to work in a couple of weeks so they had agreed to spend the last night doing nothing but getting lost in each other. Dinner and maybe a movie. They decided that the next day they would go for lunch in the magnificent restaurant where Clarke had brought her to celebrate her victory.  
  
Lexa closed the door with her hip, balancing the pizza in one hand and the drinks in the other, before heading into the kitchen and laying everything on the counter. Although Clarke had reassured her that she would take a shower as soon as she went out to get pizza, Lexa was sure she was still under the water probably not even remotely ready for dinner. So she took her time to pour drinks into two glasses, she made two trips and placed everything on the coffee table before turning on the television by scrolling through the Netflix recommendations not having the faintest idea what kind of films they could watch. She jumped when the phone - which had remained silent for all those days - vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans. She grabbed it curious to know what Clarke had forgotten.  
  
_**Goldie's:  
**__**I'll wait for you in the**_ _ **studio**_ _ **.  
  
**_ She read the message a couple of times and frowned, dropping the remote control on the sofa, before slipping off the shoes and leaving them at the entrance. She crossed the hall, finding the door already open and she felt her heart begin to pound in the chest when she saw Clarke sitting at the piano, her eyes fixed on the keys absorbed in her thoughts.  
  
“Clarke?” she softly called.  
  
The woman turned to look at her with a sweet smile as she waved the hand to join her. Lexa walked the distance with insecure step, sat down beside Clarke but failed to decipher the look on her face.  
  
“Clarke wh-”  
  
“Shh.” Clarke silenced her by putting a finger on her lips. “A few days ago you asked me when it was the last time I played for someone.” she began quietly.  
  
“You don't have to do it.” Lexa immediately said. “I didn't ask for this reason, Clarke, I was just curious.”  
  
“I know.” she reassured with a smile. “It will be strange to you, but for a woman who has spent the last few years of her life teaching young minds how to express what they feel, I'm not good at it.” she said amused.  
  
“You did pretty well.” Lexa smiled.  
  
“I can do much better.” she murmured. “The last few days... well the last few days were a dream and I tried to organize my thoughts but I couldn't.” she confessed, stroking Lexa's cheek. “So I thought I'd do it the best way I know.”  
  
Lexa closed her eyes, enjoying those caresses, while her heart started to beat faster at the idea that Clarke would soon play for her. Clarke kissed her knuckles, before letting her hands go and Lexa opened the eyes watching her settle down on the chair and place the fingers on the piano keys. When the first notes broke on the walls, Lexa stared at her as if it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and at that moment she really was.  
  
“ _ **You’re giving me a million reasons to let you go, you’re giving me a million reasons to quit the show, you’re givin’ me a million reasons, give me a million reasons, give me a million reasons, about a million reasons.**_ ”  
  
Lexa could not help herself, she grabbed the phone from the jeans pocket and lifted it to Clarke to show her that it was not a video but simply a recording. The woman smiled at her softly nodding and Lexa pressed on the record button.  
  
“ _ **If I had a highway, I would run for the hills, if you could find a dry way, I’d forever be still. bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better, ohhh Lord, show me the way to cut through all her worn out leather.**_ ” she continued, moving the fingers along the keys quickly.  
  
Lexa needed to record that moment, she needed to keep it because she was sure she would need it once she got to college. She knew the separation would be hard and she knew she needed something to keep Clarke alive in her heart, even though she was sure that her feelings would be enough to warm her for a lifetime.  
  
“ _ **I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away...But baby, I just need one good one to stay.”**_ she murmured staring at her.  
  
Lexa felt her eyes become wet understanding perfectly what Clarke was trying to tell her with that song. She swallowed, placing a hand on her thigh, trying to make Clarke understand that she would have liked to give her the only reason to stay or maybe it was better to say the only reason to leave.  
  
“ _ **Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare, iIt’s like that I’ve stopped breathing, but completely aware ‘cause you’re giving me a million reasons, give me a million reasons, givin’ me a million reasons about a million reasons**_.”  
  
They were all more than valid reasons, Lexa knew it and understood that Clarke was not asking her to stay but she was singing what she was not able to tell her in any other way. That was her way of telling Lexa that, despite knowing that she had to walk her way in the world, it was hard for her to let her go.  
  
“ _ **And if you say something that you might even mean, it’s hard to even fathom which parts I should believe ‘cause you’re giving me a million reasons, give me a million reasons, givin’ me a million reasons about a million reasons.”  
  
**_ Lexa had so many things she wanted to tell her, many things that would have been right but at the same time so wrong. Clarke was letting her go and even if it broke her heart, they both knew it was the right thing to do.   
  
“ _ **Hey, ehh, ehh, eyy, baby I’m bleedin’, bleedin’.Stay, ehh, ehhy, I can’t give you what you needin’, needin’**_ ” she continued in a broken voice. “ _ **Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith, but baby, I just need one good one, good one, good one, good one, good one, good one.**_ ”  
  
Before she could realize it, Lexa was crying and she wiped the tears with a dry gesture of her hand. Clarke would always be the reason to come back, one of the few reasons she had in order to try and be better to give the best of herself.  
  
“ _ **When I bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better, ohhh Lord, show me the way**_ _**to cut through all her worn out leather**_.” Clarke's voice was trembling now. “ _ **I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby, I just need one good one, good one. Tell me that you’ll be the good one, good one.**_ ”  
  
Lexa stopped her and Clarke stared at her with eyes shining and unshed tears. They looked at each other for a long moment and Lexa caressed the cheek with her thumb, trying to impress in her mind her face and the wonderful color of her eyes.  
  
“ _ **Lexa... I just need one good one to stay.**_ ” she murmured.  
  
The only thing Lexa could do was kissing her and she hoped that this was the only reason she needed.  
  
//  
  
It was after the song that sex had turned into making love.  
  
It was different and more intense than all the other times. They had not stopped kissing all the way to the bedroom. The dinner and the movie completely forgotten. They had done nothing but stare into each other's eyes as they pushed the fingers into each other, foreheads attached and the breathing mixed. They had begun with a slow and regular rhythm that had become more frenetic, so much that the headboard was crashing into the wall again and again.  
  
“C-Clarke...” Lexa panted, clutching on her fingers. “God you make me crazy...”  
  
She arched when Clarke pushed against her with more determination and she was sure that the wall had signs of their passion but she could not stop. Clarke groaned on her lips as Lexa's thumb touched her clit, making her eyes widen as the muscles sucked Lexa's fingers hard. They came almost in the same instant and Lexa could not hold back the little scream, while Clarke stared at her with wide eyes. Spent for by orgasm, Clarke slipped out the fingers and sank into her while Lexa began to move her fingers slowly.  
  
“I love when you do that...” Clarke sighed and began to kiss her neck.  
  
Lexa loved to have Clarke all for her, so compliant and warm under her touch, like clay that could be shaped as she pleased. She could not hold back the words so she let them escape, sudden but true.  
  
“Mine...”   
  
Contrary to what she had expected, Clarke smiled sucking her bottom lip. “Yours.”  
  
They panted in each other's arms as the pleasure began to light up again, low but constant. They began to move slowly, savoring little kisses and trembling moans. When they reached orgasm again, Lexa felt a piece of her heart move to the side a little bit to make room for Clarke's.  
  
That was the exact moment she realized she had no escape.  
  
//  
  
The end came too quickly.  
  
Standing at the front door, after coming back from the lunch they had shared between smiles and caresses, Lexa squeezed her to be able to join their lips and Clarke hugged her in return and rubbed her back. It was not short, it was intense and passionate, with tongues and biting with so much avidity. When they pulled away, Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder, holding her harder and trying to snatch away a few more seconds. If it hadn't been for Bellamy, who was coming back from the holiday in a couple of hours, Lexa would have stayed there two more days but they could not risk. She sighed and kissed Clarke's forehead, before pointing her gaze to the wall, while a thought crossed her mind. The future was uncertain and Lexa did not know if she would ever have the chance to say those words. They were important but at the same time they would not have changed much, so she took courage.  
  
“Clarke?”  
  
“Mmh?” she murmured, kissing her sternum and inhaling her scent.  
  
"I love you."  
  
The silence seemed suddenly heavy and long. Maybe she was wrong, maybe it was not the right time and maybe it never would have been. She felt Clarke's hand rest on her chest, right above her heart and then her mouth was on hers, it was so intense that Lexa felt her head spin.  
  
“ _ **I just need one good one, good one. Tell me that you’ll be the good one, good one.”**_ Clarke sang softly.  
  
Lexa smiled slightly, she didn't need to know anything else, so she kissed her again before letting her go. She took the bag and Clarke opened the door for her, before going out Lexa leaned just enough to steal another kiss.  
  
“You'll always be the reason I'll come back.” she whispered, smiling. “But you always give me a reason to come back.” she begged before rubbing the nose against hers.  
  
She realized that if she had not left at that exact moment she would not have done it. She gave her one last look and then walked out, clutching the hand on her bag until her knuckles became white. Lexa's eyes filled with tears as she entered into the car, she could clearly see Clarke's figure leaning against the door and she tried to control herself. Lexa started the car and with a sigh she left. When she turned the corner she finally left the tears run down her cheeks. Lexa bit her lip where she could still taste Clarke and smiled slightly.  
  
God, she was so fucking in love.  
  
//  
  
“Good lord, Lexa.” Roan laughed. “There's no more space in the car!”  
  
Lexa scratched the back of the head a bit embarrassed, realizing she had probably exaggerated with the boxes but when she started to think about what to leave at home she had not the courage to separate from anything. Lexa knew she could go back whenever she wanted, the university was only two and a half hours away and Roan would always keep the room for her.  
  
“I wasn't able to separate myself from anything.” she said with a shrug. “I c-can try now if...”  
  
“Lexa it is all right.” Roan reassured her. “I'm coming with you to help you and if that's all you need, then that's all you need.”  
  
When he saw that the girl did not answer, he realized that it was time to give Lexa a moment alone in that house. Roan stroked her back and kissed her head, before leaving her alone. Lexa took a step into the living room looking at the pictures of her on the walls and smiled sadly, even if a sense of freedom made its way into her. That house had a lot of good memories. Lexa could still see her mother and sometimes she could even smell her perfume when she passed by her father's room but she knew it was time to let her go. It was time to create new memories, to start a new chapter in her life and although in that moment her heart was in pain, she was ready.  
  
She closed the door behind, raising the face to the sky and closing her eyes.  
  
“Are you leaving without saying goodbye?”  
  
Bellamy stared at her from the driveway, hands in the back pockets of his jeans and he seemed irritated. Lexa took a few steps in his direction and calmed down when the boy smiled sweetly.  
  
“Relax Lexa, I was joking.” he chuckled. “Raven and I had agreed to come and say goodbye and here I am.” Bellamy said, opening his arms.  
  
“Thanks for coming, Bell.” and Lexa really meant it. She squeezed him in a hug and Bellamy jumped in surprise at the gesture but returned, tenderly stroking her back. Lexa had to admit that despite everything she would miss him but she was glad that the boy had found someone who cared about him.  
  
“She also sends you her greetings.” Bellamy whispered in her hair, making her frown. “She did not ask me to but this morning I almost believed she would come with me when I left.”  
  
Lexa looked up, immediately understanding of what he was talking about and her eyes widened, the fear making her way into her and she stepped back.  “I don't know what-”  
  
The boy raised a hand to interrupt her, the smile on his lips frightened Lexa more than his words. “I came back from my holiday earlier.” he said. “And I saw you both in the living room.”  
  
“Bellamy I-”  
  
“I always suspected there was something between you and Raven.” he continued sincerely. “Because I mean, only a crazy person would not go crazy for all of this.” Bellamy said pointing to his body, probably trying to defuse the situation. “Joking aside, Lexa, it's all right.”  
  
“Bellamy, I don't... I'm sorry.” she finally managed to say. “It's just happened and-”  
  
“Lexa breath.” he said, putting both hands on Lexa's shoulders to force her to look at him. “I know things between Clarke and me are complicated but I also know she's a good person.” Bellamy told her. “And I know she did not play the piano for anyone after my father died and the way she was singing made me understand a lot.”  
  
“It's all so damn complicated.” Lexa sighed.  
  
“Do you love her?” when the girl looked down guilty, he added. “Then nothing is complicated.”  
  
“I'm leaving, I think this is the first big problem.”  
  
Bellamy shrugged and stroked her cheek. “I've seen worse.” he murmured, amused.  
  
There was a long moment of silence and Lexa realized how much it was tense, she looked up to see Raven, who, leaning on the car, was waiting for her turn.  
  
“You'd better go and say bye to her before she will take my eyes off with her bare hands.” Bellamy said, breaking the silence. “I wish you all the luck in the world and I cannot wait to see you on TV while you beat the record for the Olympic games.”  
  
Lexa blushed at those words and hugged him again, earning a small kiss on the forehead and a caress. She turned to the the car and stopped as if she had suddenly remembered something.  
  
“Bell, for what it's worth, I've never wanted to hurt you.”  
  
“You didn't.” he said. “Stop thinking about it and go conquer the world, I know you can do it.”  
  
Lexa smiled and nodded, understanding that there was nothing else to add and that Bellamy had told her everything she needed. She approached her best friend and Raven crossed her arms rather annoyed.  
  
“So is BellAsshole greeted before me?” she asked.  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes and smiled, opening her arms, inviting Raven to join her. The girl did not think twice about hiding her head in Lexa's neck, closing her eyes. They stood in silence for a long moment, Lexa clearly felt a couple of tears wet the collar of her shirt and squeezed her even more.  
  
“Don't cry.” Lexa whispered in her hair. “We'll see each other as often as we can, I promise.”  
  
“It's better for you, Woods, or I'll come and get you for your pretty swimsuit and I'll show you who you're dealing with.”  
  
“You don't need to prove it to me, Reyes, I know perfectly who you are.” she reassured her, raising her face. “One of the most important people in my life and you own a piece of my heart.” she said with a small smile. “Treat it well, okay? We have plans for when we finish college and I'm willing to respect them.”  
  
Raven wiped her tears away and nodded slowly, they had great plans for their lives even if they were not in love, they wanted to live together and build a future where both could count on each other.  
  
“And you have mine. Don't do shit with my piece of heart.” she said.  
  
“It's safe with me.” Lexa murmured, taking her face in her hands. “You're always safe with me, Raven.”  
  
“I know...” Raven whispered, leaning the forehead against hers. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you too and I'll see you soon, okay?”  
  
Raven sighed softly and leaned toward her. It was not a passionate kiss but simply a touch of lips, a goodbye between two friends that would never separate.  
  
“You're not afraid of my father anymore, mmh?” Lexa teased.  
  
“Oh shut your mouth!” she growled.  
  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Roan turned into the highway and a smile painted on his lips as he leaned toward the radio and changed the song. Lexa leaned her forehead against the cold window and watched the city where she grew up disappear taking her to her new life. She was scared to death but she had not told anyone. The uncertain future frightened her and she was terrified at the idea of not making any friends and spending all the time in her room studying. She knew it was stupid since the first two weeks would have passed in the pool training and trying to memorize the campus but she was still worried.  
  
At the same time she was excited and she had expressed it to everyone several times. She had a lot of new experiences in front of her and the urge to prove her skill in the swimming pool electrified her, in addition there was the desire to win some competitions as soon as possible, so what she felt was a rather explosive mix. She pulled out the phone to make sure she had no texts and her eyes rested on Clarke's perfect back. She smiled sadly and without being able to stop she leaned forward to take the headphones from the bag, searching for the registration from few days before.  
  
The woman's voice caressed her ears just as it had done so many times in the classroom. Lexa let herself go into the seat, resting the forehead against the window before closing her eyes and letting the memories carry her away. It was at that moment that she promised to come back. She would have come back with a career, regardless of whether it was athletic or artistic and she would find Clarke, finally declaring her love without the fear of having made a mistake.  
  
_She would come back worthy to be with Clarke._  
  
_She would come back and finally give Clarke the reason she was looking for.  
  
She would come back and that was a promise Lexa would make sure to keep._  


**Author's Note:**

> My first language is not English, I have a beta but feel free to let me know if there are any mistakes


End file.
